HARASSMENT HAPPENS EVERYWHERE! - Page 10

RoughDraft · ‎03-09-2010

@Laura14 wrote:
@NycVixen I think what you are describing here is something I am not referring to at all but I don't think that's been made clear by me.

A rape or sexual assault is NEVER the woman's fault and reporting or not reporting is a personal decision on every level. If I posted anything to demean or put out that I am in any way judgemental about any decision a woman makes after being hurt like that, my apologies. I have been misunderstood.

In posting here, my thoughts have been about workplace harrassment allegations and not full on assault although a response to a post did go down that road when rape kits were brought up by another poster. My response was cavalier on that topic and I did not mean it to be.

I consider rape and sexual assault a related but completely separate topic from what I was intending to discuss. And I understand the terms are used interchangeably at times. My apologies for the confusion.

To make it clear to everyone, I am talking about allegations of words and inappropriate comments and minor groping or pats on the butt that go on between two people in a professional environment.

Obviously if a coworker or other professional person is doing much more than that, we've moved into felony territory and that's a completely different topic for me. I didn't realize my posts may have been confusing the two.

May I address the paragraph I highlighted in your response? Where is it okay for someone to make inappropriate comments to a victim and when is "minor groping or pats on the butt" ever okay in a "professional environment."

I'd also be interested in knowing how many of us posting here who have been victimized in any way, have been able to speak about it openly? I know I haven't.

~The only difference between this place and the Titanic is that the Titanic had a band.~

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

I was sexually harassed once in a job interview. I was just out of college and very naive. This was back in the day where they got away with it much more. The workplace training and programs and laws just weren't there.

What the guy said to me was blatant harassment. At the time I was just dumbfounded and wanted to believe he meant something else. I didn't report him because I knew I didn't want to work there anyway, and I knew I'd never get the job anyway because of my answer. Now I'm a different person and I would report it. I'm stronger, more confident, with better self esteem.

I know exactly what it's like, that and other experiences have made me empathetic towards women (and men) who have experienced this and I would never judge.

Sexual harassment is all about power and exploitation of that power. Sure there are women (and men) who lie about it to use it as a weapon. But that has zero to do with legitimate victims of harassment and assault.

"This isn't a Wednesday night, this is New Year's Eve"

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

I just scanned a few legal sites. Depending on the act, sexual harassment is not a crime and not a felony. It’s usually a civil matter.

ALRATIBA · ‎07-15-2016

I worked in offices for about 50 years ... across the spectrum from small local govt offices, federal govt offices to corporations of all sorts ... in NYC, LA and SF.

From my observation and experience ... harassment DOES NOT HAPPEN everywhere.

Greeneyedlady21 · ‎01-06-2015

Um, there's no such thing as "minor groping or pats on the butt" or inappropriate comments that are acceptable in the workplace. Anyone who thinks that needs training, sorry.

"This isn't a Wednesday night, this is New Year's Eve"

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@RoughDraft wrote:
@Laura14 wrote:
@NycVixen I think what you are describing here is something I am not referring to at all but I don't think that's been made clear by me.

A rape or sexual assault is NEVER the woman's fault and reporting or not reporting is a personal decision on every level. If I posted anything to demean or put out that I am in any way judgemental about any decision a woman makes after being hurt like that, my apologies. I have been misunderstood.

In posting here, my thoughts have been about workplace harrassment allegations and not full on assault although a response to a post did go down that road when rape kits were brought up by another poster. My response was cavalier on that topic and I did not mean it to be.

I consider rape and sexual assault a related but completely separate topic from what I was intending to discuss. And I understand the terms are used interchangeably at times. My apologies for the confusion.

To make it clear to everyone, I am talking about allegations of words and inappropriate comments and minor groping or pats on the butt that go on between two people in a professional environment.

Obviously if a coworker or other professional person is doing much more than that, we've moved into felony territory and that's a completely different topic for me. I didn't realize my posts may have been confusing the two.


May I address the paragraph I highlighted in your response? Where is it okay for someone to make inappropriate comments to a victim and when is "minor groping or pats on the butt" ever okay in a "professional environment."

I'd also be interested in knowing how many of us posting here who have been victimized in any way, have been able to speak about it openly? I know I haven't.

@Greeneyedlady21 @RoughDraft It's not. Where did I ever say it was?

alliswell · ‎07-12-2012

@NycVixen wrote:
Because we live in a misogynistic society. Both men and women discriminate against women because we've been instilled from an early age that women are inferior to men.

It's become so common place that it's an insidious truth. I'm a graduate student who works in women's issues and I can tell you that misogyny is very ingrained in most societies around the world. Many studies have been conducted that highlight the implicit bias most people have against women and minorities.

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We live in a patriarchal society. A patriarchal social system can be defined as a system where men are in authority over women in all aspects of society. Even back in biblical times, a woman was stoned for "adultery" . . . what about the men who committed the adultery with her? . . . but it's not just in western society.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@ALRATIBA wrote:
I worked in offices for about 50 years ... across the spectrum from small local govt offices, federal govt offices to corporations of all sorts ... in NYC, LA and SF.

From my observation and experience ... harassment DOES NOT HAPPEN everywhere.

@ALRATIBA

Sure, not every work place is rife with harassment, but because harassment did not happen to you does not mean it didn’t happen to others.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

Let's try it one more time:

#1 I am talking about me personally being in support of vigorously vetting any allegations of minor inappropriate touching or words or comments etc. not full on assault which is a completely separate topic.

I condone none of it. I am only supporting the opinion that I personally feel it's important to make sure it number one actually happened and number two the right person is being punished if it did.

#2 I will share my worst experience in the work place since I've been a loud mouth about this topic all day.

I had a man put his hands around my waist. I jumped and he immediately backed off. He did it again. I spun around and put my finger in his face and told him NOT to touch me again.

I realize not every woman has that kind of guts but this little one does. He never bothered me again.

ALRATIBA · ‎07-15-2016

@Noel7 wrote:
@ALRATIBA wrote:
I worked in offices for about 50 years ... across the spectrum from small local govt offices, federal govt offices to corporations of all sorts ... in NYC, LA and SF.

From my observation and experience ... harassment DOES NOT HAPPEN everywhere.
@ALRATIBA

Sure, not every work place is rife with harassment, but because harassment did not happen to you does not mean it didn’t happen to others.

@Noel7

True ... but I never heard about it or saw it occur.