Community Chat

[NYC Susan]

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@MalteseMomma wrote:

This is like old  high school mates, friends you made after you married yrs and yrs ago  ,and childhood  friends you may come across on FB that you have not seen in a lifetime and they want to get together

.It's like," I'll be up north this summer and I'll stop by for a visit" .............

I enjoy gabbing on FB but really don't want to bring the old friendship any further than that.

What do you do in a situation like that?

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I actually have gotten together with friends from high school and college after we re-connected on Facebook.  And it's been great!

However, I wanted to do it and no one has ever invited themselves anywhere.  I've never had anyone just tell me they were coming to visit, and I've never done it to anyone else either. 

If anyone ever did what you mentioned, I would tell them that "it doesn't work for us".  No further explanation, no discussion. 

[NYC Susan]

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@esmerelda wrote:

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@NJgirl 1205 wrote:
I went to an event the other day where a distant relative (husband’s cousin’s husband’s sister - real distant) asked me why we don’t invite her over to our house as we were saying goodbye. I was mortified! While we know her well and see her at this cousin’s events once in a while, we are not close or particularly friendly.

I was definitely taken off guard and said something like you are always welcome. She pushed and replied that she wants to coordinate a date. I told her soon but really have no desire nor will we follow through.

Have you ever had a similar situation? What would you have said/done?

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@NJgirl 1205 I wouldn’t have lied.  

Will it be unbearable to have them over once?  Invite the husband’s cousin and spouse and/or maybe others that are usually in the group when you and this person are together. 

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That's unfair to the woman because it opens the door to what she'll assume will now be a closer relationship.  It's easy to say "have them over once", but the OP doesn't want to do that AND it sends a completely unfair and confusing message.

The woman was rude.  And according to the OP, she has a full life, so it's not as though she's lonely and doesn't have anyone.  I don't think the OP owes her anything other than being polite when they see each other at family events.  Inviting them over "once" will just make the problem worse.

[NJgirl 1205]

@lovesrecess she does not know where I live plus I live in a gated commuty so it would be hard for her to just show up. I have no interest in a relationship with her so why would I follow through with lunch, especially when she lives an hour away?!

I think many gave great advise to basically just drop it. I won’t be seeing her for at least a year, and hopefully she will have receiced the message by then 🙄

[sunshine45]

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@Texasmouse wrote:

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@Bri369 wrote:

If you have no intention of having her over, why would you say "you are always welcome"?

I wouldn't have committed to nothing more than seeing her other than these familyl events.  Next time you see her, she's going to push it again.

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@Bri369

The OP was caught off-guard and that was her polite response. I probably would have said something similar.

What would you have said?

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 "we just dont have the energy entertain in our home anymore."

"our entertaining days are unfortunately over."

"so much going on in our lives that we really dont entertain anymore."

[NJgirl 1205]

Not much better than the fib I told. None of these statements are true.

[GenXmuse]

Maybe it was just throwing it out there, like let’s get lunch but never really following up. Maybe she’s awkward.  I doubt you are on the hook for a social engagement with her. 

[Mindy D]

I think the lady was just trying to be friendly. I don’t read any rudeness or ulterior motive into this. If the OP isn’t interested in getting together than just don’t invite her over. 

[hummingbee]

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@scatcat wrote:

If she wants to hang out with you, why doesn’t she invite you to her house 

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Exactly.