Guests Cooking in Your House - Page 9

smoochy · ‎03-10-2010

@Natureluvr wrote:
@Biftu- yea, that’s such an imposition! I probably wouldn’t say anything either. I’m a people pleaser and have been working on becoming more assertive my whole life. 😏

how is that going? I'm the same. The thought of someone, anyone being mad at me or not liking me upsets me terribly. I've been known to obsess about it.

MICHIGAN STATE MOM

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@smoochy wrote:
@ahoymate wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
Just say: You can't bring food this year. There will be no cooking here, you'll have to enjoy that at your house.

Dear Spouse and I are both avoiding certain foods (you don't have to say YOUR food!) and trying to see what we want to eat and not eat, so we will be eating out, or bringing in deliveries this year. There will be no cooking here or eating here at all. Just don't bring any food please.

We appreciate what you have done for all of us in the past but we're doing something different that year, and it isn't negotiable.

You could say the stove isn't working (won't be if you unplug it). Microwave has had issues too (Microwave doesn't like your cooking? )
This is so transparent what you are trying to say/do, and of course dishonest with a friend.

I like Haddon9's response.
her response was basically, too late now and look for signs on the faces whether they would be open to future changes. I don't agree. It's the OPs house! Why on earth would she need signs of approval to do ANYTHING in her own home?! And no. It's not too late to make the necessary change for this upcoming visit. If she wanted to which she has stated she doesn't.

@smoochy

That's the point I focused on ... it's HER house!

This person is "invading" her kitchen and cooking things they don't want to eat .... and she repeatedly allows it.

Sorry, but I don't think lying to someone in order to avoid "hurting feelings" is particularly noble. It's lying, period.

How would any of us feel if we learned that the food we're cooking for friends isn't wanted or enjoyed ... yet they said NOTHING so we continued?

Not a particularly good relationship if you can't be honest with your friends.

JMO, of course.

smoochy · ‎03-10-2010

not to mention, the guest cook is being obtuse. Assuming that his aspirations of being the next Top Chef are welcomed and that his hostess should feel favored to be his designated sous chef and all around grunt.

MICHIGAN STATE MOM

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

If she would have been assertive initially all these other "things" would not have been necessary. "Broken Stove" kinda silly.

Natureluvr · ‎06-14-2018

@smoochy - I’m a work in progress. Lol! There are times when I’m able to be assertive (usually when I’m speaking up for loved ones) but otherwise I tend to bite my tongue.

I will say… there have been times I chose not to say anything that turned out to be beneficial in the long run, to avoid potential harm in a relationship.

I’ve always been this way, though. I avoid confrontation like the plague and get nervous when someone displays anger.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Natureluvr wrote:
@smoochy- I’m a work in progress. Lol! There are times when I’m able to be assertive (usually when I’m speaking up for loved ones) but otherwise I tend to bite my tongue.

I will say… there have been times I chose not to say anything that turned out to be beneficial in the long run, to avoid potential harm in a relationship.

I’ve always been this way, though. I avoid confrontation like the plague and get nervous when someone displays anger.

@Natureluvr

Conflict is part of life, and learning how to deal with conflict is a very good skill to develop.

Natureluvr · ‎06-14-2018

@Tinkrbl44 - I agree. I continue to try.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

Being assertive is not the same as critical. Most people are afraid of being asseritive.

And so many are afraid of hurting anothers feelings when their own are also hurt.

CANDLEQUEEN · ‎03-09-2010

Tell him since they are visiting you, you are treating them to Dinner, when you visit them he can cook for you all then in his own house, and in his own kitchen!!!

Scooby Doo · ‎03-14-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Biftu wrote:
We have friends from out of state that visit every couple of years and usually stay a night or two. They live three hours away. Every time they come the husband insists on doing the cooking. He prepares the food at home and brings the food and heats in up when they get here and continues to make rice or some other dish here. I have to get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up. Cooking is his new passion since he retired. The problem is his food is not good -- at all. I dread eating it.

This year we tried to talk him into going out for dinner instead of him cooking. He said "no, you are taking away my fun. I want to bring the food it's not a problem." He could not be persuaded. We'll go with it not to hurt his feelings. It's nice to have someone cook for you, but...

It's not like this happens often so guess I shouldn't be annoyed. How would you feel?

@Biftu

I'll be blunt here ....

Taking away his fun? I thought VISITING FRIENDS was the whole point of the visit, not force feeding you awful food and then leaving a mess in your kitchen!

Huh? What normal person does that?

I understand you don't want to "hurt his feelings", but the first time he brings cooked food that has accidentally spoiled and you're all taking turns running for the bathroom, perhaps you'll finally reconsider this silly ritual.

Seems to me that you're being held hostage and forced to eat icky food .... and you just can't be honest, so it continues.

The only person I blame here is you.