Guests Cooking in Your House - Page 7

San Antonio Gal · ‎05-18-2017

@Biftu - If he is going to cook, I say get the wife to help with the clean up. Has she not volulnteered in the past?

Another thing - purchase disposable dinner plates and plastic utensils. There are nice disposable plates that are sturdy - not like the cheap paper plates. This makes clean up so much easier.

Good luck. Hope to hear a follow up from you on how the visit went.

(ps...Many years ago, my ex-mother in law would come to visit and cook really good meals for her son and I. It was just the 3 of us. The food was great, but she used every possible dish in the kitchen to prepare the meals. We enjoyed the dinner, but then I was the only one in the kitchen having to clean up the huge mess.)

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

Women sometimes have a hard time telling someone "no" because we "don't want to hurt their feelings". I say there are more times than not that we need to be honest. This man thinks he's a great cook and he's used to getting his own way. That shows a lack of respect for you, your husband and your home.

So, I'd just tell them (him) with a smile that the new rules for your home are that guests don't cook the meals because you want to be able to spend the time relaxing with them, talking, etc...tell him you have the meals covered - thanks for offering to cook but you have made other plans. Be firm and let it be known that you are not changing your mind. Hopefully he won't show up at your door anyway with a load of dishes he's cooked! If he did, I'd ignore what he cooked and carry on with your own plans for eating out, etc. His wife should be the one telling him to back off, but maybe she doesn't realize how you feel....now's the time.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Biftu wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Biftu wrote:
We have friends from out of state that visit every couple of years and usually stay a night or two. They live three hours away. Every time they come the husband insists on doing the cooking. He prepares the food at home and brings the food and heats in up when they get here and continues to make rice or some other dish here. I have to get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up. Cooking is his new passion since he retired. The problem is his food is not good -- at all. I dread eating it.

This year we tried to talk him into going out for dinner instead of him cooking. He said "no, you are taking away my fun. I want to bring the food it's not a problem." He could not be persuaded. We'll go with it not to hurt his feelings. It's nice to have someone cook for you, but...

It's not like this happens often so guess I shouldn't be annoyed. How would you feel?

@Biftu

I'll be blunt here ....

Taking away his fun? I thought VISITING FRIENDS was the whole point of the visit, not force feeding you awful food and then leaving a mess in your kitchen!

Huh? What normal person does that?

I understand you don't want to "hurt his feelings", but the first time he brings cooked food that has accidentally spoiled and you're all taking turns running for the bathroom, perhaps you'll finally reconsider this silly ritual.

Seems to me that you're being held hostage and forced to eat icky food .... and you just can't be honest, so it continues.

The only person I blame here is you.

@Tinkrbl44 You can blame me that's fine, but I would never hurt anyone's feeling by telling them their food is not good. I sure wouldn't want anyone telling me that. The food is not going to spoil and make us sick. Sometimes being honest if it hurts someone is just unkind and not me. We'll get through it.

@Biftu

Sorry, but I disagree. When being honest with someone, it isn't mandatory that you hurt their feelings. Learn to be a better communicator. Learn to be diplomatic.

How would you feel if this person finds out that you actually HATED his food but just ate it anyway, rather than tell him the truth? You can't assume he'll never find out.

One of the best guidelines I've come across is this: Tell the truth with compassion.

JMO, of course.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@jannabelle1 wrote:
Women sometimes have a hard time telling someone "no" because we "don't want to hurt their feelings". I say there are more times than not that we need to be honest. This man thinks he's a great cook and he's used to getting his own way. That shows a lack of respect for you, your husband and your home.

So, I'd just tell them (him) with a smile that the new rules for your home are that guests don't cook the meals because you want to be able to spend the time relaxing with them, talking, etc...tell him you have the meals covered - thanks for offering to cook but you have made other plans. Be firm and let it be known that you are not changing your mind. Hopefully he won't show up at your door anyway with a load of dishes he's cooked! If he did, I'd ignore what he cooked and carry on with your own plans for eating out, etc. His wife should be the one telling him to back off, but maybe she doesn't realize how you feel....now's the time.

@jannabelle1

Your comments are right on target, but the lack of respect comment is very relevant. He doesn't CARE what they want.

He wants what he wants and doesn't care what others want. Why are they even "friends" if this is who they are? How is it the wife isn't picking up on this?

Women sometimes think they are being "kind" if they don't tell the truth, but sometimes they just don't have the ability to stand up for their own wishes or point of view. It doesn't do anyone any favors.

SaveTheTurtles · ‎10-09-2023

I guess you can push the food around on your plate and then shove it in a napkin when he's not looking. Reminds me of the dinner scene in Christmas Vacation. I would not look forward to these visits seems kinda pushy to bring premade food and then heat it up, ugh. No thanks.

Biftu · ‎02-05-2011

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Biftu wrote:
@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Biftu wrote:
We have friends from out of state that visit every couple of years and usually stay a night or two. They live three hours away. Every time they come the husband insists on doing the cooking. He prepares the food at home and brings the food and heats in up when they get here and continues to make rice or some other dish here. I have to get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up. Cooking is his new passion since he retired. The problem is his food is not good -- at all. I dread eating it.

This year we tried to talk him into going out for dinner instead of him cooking. He said "no, you are taking away my fun. I want to bring the food it's not a problem." He could not be persuaded. We'll go with it not to hurt his feelings. It's nice to have someone cook for you, but...

It's not like this happens often so guess I shouldn't be annoyed. How would you feel?

@Biftu

I'll be blunt here ....

Taking away his fun? I thought VISITING FRIENDS was the whole point of the visit, not force feeding you awful food and then leaving a mess in your kitchen!

Huh? What normal person does that?

I understand you don't want to "hurt his feelings", but the first time he brings cooked food that has accidentally spoiled and you're all taking turns running for the bathroom, perhaps you'll finally reconsider this silly ritual.

Seems to me that you're being held hostage and forced to eat icky food .... and you just can't be honest, so it continues.

The only person I blame here is you.

@Tinkrbl44 You can blame me that's fine, but I would never hurt anyone's feeling by telling them their food is not good. I sure wouldn't want anyone telling me that. The food is not going to spoil and make us sick. Sometimes being honest if it hurts someone is just unkind and not me. We'll get through it.

@Biftu

Sorry, but I disagree. When being honest with someone, it isn't mandatory that you hurt their feelings. Learn to be a better communicator. Learn to be diplomatic.

How would you feel if this person finds out that you actually HATED his food but just ate it anyway, rather than tell him the truth? You can't assume he'll never find out.

One of the best guidelines I've come across is this: Tell the truth with compassion.

JMO, of course.

@Tinkrbl44 We'll have to agree to disagree. We are just different people I guess. I would never tell someone I disliked their cooking, it's hurtful no matter how diplomatically you say it. Your guideline may work for you, but kindness is my guideline and it works for me. I need no lessons on diplomacy or communications skills. Oh, and I don't gossip, so no one will ever hear my opinion of his cooking skills.

Who knows, maybe his cooking has improved and we will be pleasantly surprised.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Dare I say that I don't like food that was prepared from a place three hours away.....

Unless it was on ice, in a portable ice chest/cooler.

'And, even so'........

'Funny'.......Just the other day I was thinking about someone, years ago, who was visiting.....I was cooking pasta, and she said that I was supposed to add oil to the boiling water to prevent it from sticking together.......So, she took a bottle of veg. oil from my pantry and dumped about a cup of oil into the pot of boiling pasta......

It was the sticky-est pasta I've ever tasted !

The other guests didn't say anything, but, looking back fifty or so years, I should have spoken up and said " '.........' dumped a cup of oil into the boiling pasta to keep it from sticking".

Oh, well........

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

p.s. It just 'dawned on me'.......I now have the feeling that she wanted to ruin my pasta dish on purpose.......

Mainly because one of her relatives (a couple of years before this incident) complimented my pasta with meat sauce........

Boy, some people are so controlling and jealous.......

'Funny', after all of these years, I finally figured it out.......

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Sage04 · ‎07-10-2011

@Carmie I thought about posting the same thing but he would find a way to make it work lol. I also thought about turning off the water and telling him there is a water problem in the neighborhood and it should be fixed in a few hours. He would try to fix that too.

January121 · ‎03-21-2010

@Biftu .. I cannot eat food that I don't like .. I would have to hurt his feelings... sit him down & explain that you appreciate his wanting to cook but it just isn't working .. tell him there will be no more cooking (by him) when they come to stay with you... you will all go out to eat at a favorite restaurant.. the end!..that's it ... end of discussion...just tell him he isn't a good cook.