Community Chat

[Biftu]

We have friends from out of state that visit every couple of years and usually stay a night or two. They live three hours away.  Every time they come the husband insists on doing the cooking.  He prepares the food at home and brings the food and heats in up when they get here and continues to make rice or some other dish here.  I have to get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up.  Cooking is his new passion since he retired.  The problem is his food is not good -- at all.  I dread eating it.

This year we tried to talk him into going out for dinner instead of him cooking.  He said "no, you are taking away my fun. I want to bring the food it's not a problem."  He could not be persuaded.  We'll go with it not to hurt his feelings.  It's nice to have someone cook for you, but...  

It's not like this happens often so guess I shouldn't be annoyed.  How would you feel?

[haddon9]

I would feel annoyed too....plus he's making more work for you by making a mess in the kitchen.  

Maybe you can ask his wife (I'm assuming that it's a couple coming but of course I could be wrong) if you could persuade him to go out to eat?  If she asks why you could say that it's a treat to see them but it's also a treat for you to go out.

ETA:  You could say that you or your DH are watching what you eat and can't have....fill in the blank.

[ahoymate]

I'd feel the same way you feel. Put up with it vs. telling him the honest truth.

Strange that a visitor brings the food to cook and thinks everyone is going to like it.

[Kachina624]

@Biftu.  Seems like, unless you want to insult him, you'll have to put up with his cooking and hope he's improved with experience.   Make a big, nice dessert to go with dinner so you'll have something to fill you up.  Bread is filling too.

[spumoni99]

Maybe his skills will be improved this time?

[kaydee50]

If it's only every couple of years!!! and you like the people, I would grin and bear it.  Maybe he has improved!!!

[jlkz]

@Biftu 

DH and I just came back from a 2-night stay with my close college friend.  She insisted on cooking the first night but both DH and I said that this was to be a casual and No Work visit.

We insisted on takeout and everyone got what they wanted.  She had ice cream with an assortment of toppings and fruit pieces.  We ate, drank, laughed and talked till late.

I helped clear the table, rinsed the dishes as she loaded the dishwasher.

Next day we had to say we can't do everything so let's pick two simple things and get lunch out our treat.

With your situation, I would start a new rule before talk starts as to their next visit:  No guest is to bring food cooked or to be cooked.  Takeout or eating out is okay period.

Why should he be the only one to "Have fun as defined by himself" ?????  If you don't set up the rules, you will start to dread their next visit....if you already haven't.  Soon resentment will start to build....

Your home, your rules.  If the situation were reversed, would you feel okay with dictating how things were going to be done ?

Best Luck....it gets easier with practice.

[Jo1313]

It's MY kitchen my rules!  Stay out.I say what I feel...Even my DILs know the rules.

If he wants to bring a dessert that's ok...

[skatting44]

Oh my, for me if a guest wants to make breakfast then that is okay.  However, you say his Chef skills aren't to notch so for me , I wouldn't like the idea of dinner unless it was pot luck where I made something  that suited me & my husband .  You are a good person and friend to allow  your friend to bring the meal.

[monicakm]

I think I would feel grateful that I didn't have to pay for dinner and that I didn't have to overindulge. Sounds like a win-win.  What kind of dishes does he make?  Does he not know how to cook or he just Cooks things you don't care for? When I go out to eat, I know the difference between nasty food and food that just doesn't jive with my taste buds.  Just smile and be gracious. I'm sure you do that anyway.