Grumpy old men

petepetey · ‎03-09-2010

My DH was never a huge talker but he was able to be pleasant and carry on a conversation. Over the years he has seems more moody and now at dinner/meal time he just eats, rarely talks. I think he created this habit from eating his lunch at work all alone at his desk every day.

Last night my DD mentioned how it is bothering her. I've told him in the past that I really don't enjoy eating this way and he didn't take it well . It's family time and we need to have a conversation.

He will talk to my son when he's home and he can talk and talk about sports.

So, any suggestions on getting a man to talk during meal time?

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

How old is your daughter?

Well, if nothing else, you could talk about sports! Or start with that.

Demitra1 · ‎03-11-2010

Good luck, Petey! My DH can be described as a Jeykle & Hyde. He is extremely outgoing and can & will readily strike up a conversation with strangers. He has older ladies laughing out loud. At home? Well, he can be very moody, sometimes cutting up and sometimes quiet as can be. We once drove four hours to go to a flea market, and he did not say one word the entire four hours. Well, I'm sure he has issues, but at this point, I give up. If he wants to interact, ok, if not, ok. The difference in my DH and yours is this is something new for him where mine has pretty much always been this way. I just wanted you to know that I understand your feelings. It can be VERY frustrating.

Free2be · ‎03-10-2010

Ask him what is on his mind. If he say's "eating this meal", take that and run with it. If the topic can't hang on that for awhile, offer what is on your mind (other than him not being talkative), ask for his opinion.

Keep it light and as interesting as possible. It might take a little cajoling but as long as his opinion feels welcomed and that he won't be corrected, he might join in.

Don't give up. Maybe there's more on his mind than he's been willing to share?

4Kicks · ‎03-17-2010

Well, I SO feel for you. My DH was always a fairly conversant person. Maybe he is about the same age as yours? Just turned 73. Anyway, I have suspected some sort of something for a while, but who knows, maybe just getting older. I am quite a bit younger, more than ten years.

Anyway, just an example for you. I will try to come up with something that we can both talk about which maybe he will be interested in (other than his BIG interest, sports) and tell him. All I will generally get back is "OK." When I feel the average response would be, "Oh, that is really nice, how did that happen?" or "Wow, what an interesting thing for her to say." or just SOMETHING.

This is generally all I get when I want to talk about anything. I have pretty much given up, and we have the news on during meal times, either local news or CNN. He even becomes totally mesmerized by the ads. I just think about other things. And start loading the dishwasher when I am through, which is usually well before he is through eating as he is a big eater.

He does go work out and do a lot of physical things during the day, but other than that, he is on his Ipad, looking at, of course, SPORTS. Sound familiar???

In Sunny AZ

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

I don't know how married women do it. I would just have to say something like, "Oh you wanted me to cook dinner?" I didn't know because you didn't say anything about being hungry."

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

4Kicks · ‎03-17-2010

Ford, it is NOT easy.

If I am not up and cooking dinner by 5:00 or have something in the oven or crockpot, he will certainly either come in the door from somewhere or ask what we are having for dinner, or do you want me to set the table, or do you want to go out, or something. He cannot cook. He does get his own lunch and heats up soup in the microwave, sort of, so I am only responsible for making dinner, thankfully. I always cook enough for two or three meals, so only have to make a salad some days.

Of course, there are tradeoffs. and we all make choices. Wink

BTW, how is the new place working out?? I so hope it is going well!!!!

In Sunny AZ

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

On 4/2/2015 4KICKS said:
Ford, it is NOT easy.

If I am not up and cooking dinner by 5:00 or have something in the oven or crockpot, he will certainly either come in the door from somewhere or ask what we are having for dinner, or do you want me to set the table, or do you want to go out, or something. He cannot cook. He does get his own lunch and heats up soup in the microwave, sort of, so I am only responsible for making dinner, thankfully. I always cook enough for two or three meals, so only have to make a salad some days.

Of course, there are tradeoffs. and we all make choices.

BTW, how is the new place working out?? I so hope it is going well!!!!

Slowly getting unpacked. We're both physically challenged, so it will take some time. But we love it here. Smile

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Puzzle Piece · ‎06-29-2010

Maybe he needs a complete physical. Could be hormonal.

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust

petepetey · ‎03-09-2010

Well, it's good to hear from those that remind me I'm not alone on this subject.

Yes, a physical would be a great idea but that is another topic-how to get your man to go to the doctor.

My DD is 17 and soon heading off to college so it will be just the 2 of us. Seriously I think i will just take my plate and sit at the counter and watch TV if this is the way it's going to be. He still works and hates his job so perhaps his moods come from that. However, he's home and I'm supportive and nice to him so he shouldn't take it out on me.

Thanks for the input!