Community Chat

[ThinkingOutLoud]

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@TheMemphisVette wrote:

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!

oh now we are in the family?

what have we been for all these years?

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No kidding!

[ThinkingOutLoud]

@JeanLouiseFinch It seems the issue is that you want a formal 'it's official' type thing but kids aren't formal. 

[Meowingkitty]

How about the gift of stocks. You can buy a few shares and give them each some stock in a company they might like.

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@Meowingkitty wrote:

How about the gift of stocks. You can buy a few shares and give them each some stock in a company they might like.

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Never thought of that, but will discuss with DH.  Thanks, @Meowingkitty 

[ThinkingOutLoud]

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@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:

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@Meowingkitty wrote:

How about the gift of stocks. You can buy a few shares and give them each some stock in a company they might like.

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Never thought of that, but will discuss with DH.  Thanks, @Meowingkitty 

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First, I think kids this age want something tangible. Second, given what the economy is doing and will do in the future - I wouldn't go this route at all.

[barrel racer]

Best of luck to your family, that's a hard age.

[JJsMom]

I have a teen boy, and they do not wear watches unless it's an Apple watch. Personally I would not get them a gift just yet. I would back off and give them some space after this wedding. It can be a very confusing and emotional time for them. Setting up any kind of expectations at this time isn't a good idea IMO.

I do not find the comment about you not being their grandparents offensive. I am sincerely curious as to why that would offend you? I would not be offended if a stepchild or grandchild did not view me as a parent or grandparent, especially if they have parents and grandparents active in their lives. Divorce and separation are very difficult on children, and they should be given the space and freedom to adapt or define the relationship however they choose. You should let them take the lead on this and not state your preference either way.

Do you have any other grandchildren?

[JeanLouiseFinch]

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@JJsMom wrote:

I have a teen boy, and they do not wear watches unless it's an Apple watch. Personally I would not get them a gift just yet. I would back off and give them some space after this wedding. It can be a very confusing and emotional time for them. Setting up any kind of expectations at this time isn't a good idea IMO.

I do not find the comment about you not being their grandparents offensive. I am sincerely curious as to why that would offend you? I would not be offended if a stepchild or grandchild did not view me as a parent or grandparent, especially if they have parents and grandparents active in their lives. Divorce and separation are very difficult on children, and they should be given the space and freedom to adapt or define the relationship however they choose. You should let them take the lead on this and not state your preference either way.

Do you have any other grandchildren?

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@JJsMom  It is not our intention or plan to force anything regarding what they call us.  In my OP, I said we hope they will have a grandparent name for us at some point.  

The reason I found the comment offensive is that I felt it was diniminshing the relationship.  We are 100% aware that we are at the bottom of the totem pole, which is why the name thing hasn't been addressed before now.  But we love the children and they care for us in whatever capacity they are capable of. We would never assume to be on equal footing at their bio grandparents but we also believe all kids can benefit from the love and support of positive adults in their lives.  As I've already stated, their dad looks at us as another set of grandparents. 

Yes, we do have one other grandchild.  

[Calcgirl]

I would allow the children to decide what they will call you. Give it time. I would not suggest to them to call you grndma and grandpa because that could make them feel uncomfortable.

As for a present, I would not buy them anything except for holidays but you might consider taking them to something special such as Disneyland, a big sporting event or musical and dinner.  It would provide a fun experience that they can keep as a sweet memory.  Maybe make it a yearly 'anniversary" event.  That may also give the parents time alone.

[Starpolisher]

@JeanLouiseFinch 

I have not read all the response. I just wanted to say that you can go to"Greeting Card Universe" and customize any greeting card. You can find discount coupon codes on line. I use them often when I can't find a card that conveys what I want. I recently got a wedding/birthday card for my cousin who got married on her birthday. "Things Remembered" and "Personalization Mall" both have personalized gifts for boys. Leather bracelets, key chains, necklace/dog tags, a special glass, etc. And you can also try Etsy.

I know you didn't ask as to whether or not you should give them a gift. Even though, you're getting lots of opinions about it. I say go with your heart. If you feel like giving them a gift. Do it! Congratulations on your extended family! Best Wishes too!