Community Chat

[Hoovermom]

@JeanLouiseFinch :  What a kind and generous "grandmother" you will make.  I like the idea of a necklace/bracelet/charm (where you can add charms for future events) for your new granddaughter.  As far as the young man, that is a hard one as they really don't hang on to things like young ladies.  Could you take them both to a special event that they are interested in, sporting, concert, or even a shopping trip???????????? I know you don't want any sporting goods or video games but if he is interested in that type of stuff, maybe that would be the perfect gift.   Whatever you decide I am sure they will feel the love and warmth as you welcome them into your family.  Keep us posted.  BTW I have a brand new darling granddaughter (3 weeks old), and my heart is so full.  Congratulations!!! 

[CAcableGirl2]

@JeanLouiseFinch   Based on how old you state that they are, I would let the festivities die down, and then ask them what they would like to call you and go with that.   My guess is that it will be by first name, and not Grandma or Grandpa or even papa or nana.  I dealt with a similar issue with my son, and they asked to be called papa and nana and I thought it was a little strange, and uncomfortable for my son.

The teen years are very difficult and this is a big change for them, so I would take the lead from how they react to the wedding.

You are very thoughtful and a keepsake type gift may be awkward too, so I'm not sure if I would try to figure out what you want to get them at this time.  Maybe in a few months when they are getting settled into their new home and new life, they will be interested in something that you can buy for them.  It doesn't have to be a keepsake type of gift, maybe the boy is interested in a sports team and your husband could take him to one of their games.  Or do a special day out for the girl doing something she is interested in.  More of a memory getting to know them, instead of something you can buy and hand to them.

They are lucky kids to have you and your DH come into their lives. 

[Cakers3]

@JeanLouiseFinch   It's wonderful your family is growing and you are already doing great with these children.

However, is the bio mother still in the picture and does she have parents?

Does your future son-in-law also hae parents in the picture?

It can be awkward for these children to call you by the same names they use for those grandparents.

My suggestion is to let that issue be the way it is; time will sort this out as it is meant to be.

I think it is nice to want to give them gifts but your time and love is sufficient.

You could ask your daughter and son-in-law but my thought is to also let that alone for now. 

Good luck.

[Major Shopper]

@JeanLouiseFinch  Congratulations! You sound like a very caring and considerate grandmother!

Just my two cents, but my niece wouldn't wear jewelry if someone made her wear it! On the other hand, my nephew wears a gold chain with a small cross. 

You may want to ask your future son-in-law what the kids like and go from there. 

[jackthebear]

just be present in their lives,

perhaps you can ask them what to call me,  obviously, they have other grandparents...come up with an alternative.

If there is a grandma, you could be Nanny Jean or just Jean.

save the gifts for their birthdays 

[chrystaltree]

It's lovely that you are welcoming into the family but it sounds like you aren't thinking about their comfort level.  They are at a tricky age at which kids keep stuff bottled up, they don't share all their fields and blending families is hard on families and it takes time.  Even under the best of circumstances.  They don't address you as anything because oddly, it seems, the adults haven't discussed this with the kids.  Why?  They are kids so they aren't going start that conversation.  I think you should be thinking small, not big.  You want a big TV movie type of experience with them but life doesn't work that way.  Spending some time with them, and asking them what THEY want to call you and your husband since you will soon be family.  If they already have grandparents, they might not want to call you grandma or see you in that role.  Perhaps your place on their lives will be more like a aunt or Godparents or treasured and trusted friend.  Family isn't about what we call each other.  It should be a decision you make together and it might change as your bond with them strengthens over time.  Not knowing anything at all about the kids, there's no way I could even guess at something but I do think it should be about what THEY will enjoy, not what you want to give them.  Perhaps an experience rather than an object.  They are young so what is special to you, that you think is meaningful might not feel  special to them.  I'd ask their dad for some suggestions.  

[jackthebear]

one more thing

starting out giving a gift MIGHT set up a gift war with the other GPs,

[CelticCrafter]

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@cookie16 wrote:

My thought would be to allow the children time to adjust to the new family dynamics and suggest they call you some form of a grandparent name but understand if they are uneasy about it.  They may feel comfortable after awhile just don't force it.  A little child is quicker to refer to you as Grandma than an older child. They may feel loyalty to their Mom, her family etc.  When I married my husband many years ago, I couldn't refer to them as Mom or Dad, it just wouldn't come through my lips.  For years until I had my daughter, I never called them anything, just spoke with them.  After my daughter was born, I would refer to them as Grandma or Grandpa, luckily she was always present and we didn't see them too often.  I had one Mom and one Dad and those names were saved for them.  

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@cookie16 I could have written this myself.  We are married 46 years, his parents are still alive and to this day I can't call them anything.  I make sure they are looking at me when I have something to say.

We never expected our son-in-law to call us Mom & Dad, everything for him is signed with our first names but I have noticed now that he will refer to us as Mimi & Poppy when he comes in with our new grandson and that's okay.

[chrystaltree]

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@Meowingkitty wrote:

Maybe I'm wrong as I don't have kids but I don't think kids wear watches anymore. 

They don't.   

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[BoopOMatic]

Personally, I wouldn't give them a gift; I would allow them to set the tone of the relationship. It's wonderful that you're so welcoming but I'd take it slow.