Community Chat

[NoelSeven]

Jules -

Re: being a puddle on the floor, there's certainly a good chance you are still in shock now. Don't give it a second thought, we all find our own way to grieve, the best path for each of us to deal with our loss.

I enjoyed reading about your relationship with others at the nursing facility, I figured it would be like that for you, and that they would be so happy to see you.

Re: the things that need to be done... I often handle it the same way you have when things are overwhelming. I make an appointment for myself as to when I'll deal with what needs to get done. That way you don't have to worry about things, at least for a couple of days.

I feel strongly that you need some time to rest now. The walks are beneficial, also. You know many of us are thinking of you and wishing you well.

BTW, we are all Presbyterian at my house There have been many generations of Presbyterians in my family over the years.

[MrsSweetieBear]

I'm sorry I'm late in just now reading this, Jules. May I add my condolences. I hope your new puppy will be some comfort.

[Yuban3]

On 4/20/2014 Jules5280 said:

On 4/20/2014 NoelSeven said:

Hi Jules,

My latest post to you disappeared, so I'll try again and hope it won't be redundant

I'm glad you and the puppy were able to have a nice walk and visit the nursing facility. I know the others there were glad to see you.

I hope you are able to have time today to rest and enjoy at least some small part of Easter.

N.

Hi dear Noel,

I think the residents at the nursing facility are happy to see me (certainly more than the staff....haha) because many don't often get visitors. I was there every day to spend time with my dad, often several times a day, with the exception of one day when I was feeling sick and just stayed home. I have grown fond of so many of them, sometimes we play cards together, sometimes just sit and talk, sometimes I just go get them something to drink and get a hug....but they are all such interesting people with their own stories to tell. They were all aware as soon as my dad passed, that news spreads around, and the ones that had spent time with me all made a point to come tell me words of condolence and care. Old peeps are cool like that!

My day has been good. I was sort of not looking forward to it, even before my dad died, I knew I would not be cooking any Easter supper for him, and then since Friday I thought I might just be in a puddle on the floor. I think my dad is for sure watching out for me because he gave me the strength to go to Easter service, and while I am not a regular church-goer, it was just what I needed today. As I mentioned, I took a lady resident with me, and the sermon today was "Is That Your Final Answer?" I consider myself Protestant in faith and this is a Presbyterian church that my parents often attended, and I had gone a few times with my dad. The Pastor there now is a woman, and she delivered a divine message, at least to me. She used some modern references, but it was mostly about how when horrible things happen in our lives, like the every day tragedies, and we post about them daily here.... we question God as to why? Like... is this all there is? Is this your final answer to us? Yet there is always hope. She talked about death on Good Friday, and of course that is when I started to cry.... but the message was that even though bad things will happen, we are not alone. I think it was exactly what I needed to hear today.

It is a little overcast now, and we are supposed to get some rain showers possibly, but I think rain is cleansing.... so I plan on taking the puppy for a walk in the park, and then I will relax. I will start to deal with all the "stuff" waiting for me tomorrow. Some asked, and I am sleeping and eating a little, often at odd hours.... far from my normal routine, but I suppose that will take some time to recover.

I am sort of surprised at my response to all of this, and I'm sure some of it is shock, and it will hurt more as it sinks in, but I thought I would be in a pool of tears curled up on the floor. That might still happen, and I guess that is okay too.... as long as I get myself back up and keep going.

I appreciate all the kind words of support from you ladies. This truly is the worst thing that has happened to me, and I have had some bad things happen.... but I know my daddy would want me to stay strong.

Or, maybe you know that his suffering is over, and he is at peace now. That's how my dad was when my mom passed. Yes, he missed her, but he also knew that she was no longer suffering.

We all grieve differently. If that "pool of tears" never comes, that's fine too.

I'm wishing you all the best, as you go through this most difficult time.

[velveteenb]

hihi {{{ Jules }}} --

oh dear. i am so sorry to learn about your dad.

y'know what? however you are feeling is just fine. it is the way you are supposed to feel at that moment. just please remember to eat, sleep and stay hydrated (and puppy, too). the rest will take care of itself.

you are such a blessing, Jules, to so many. to your dad, of course. but also to the other residents, to puppy (who would be homeless without you) and even to us here in viewpoints. you are kind and gracious and funny and sweet, and i just bet your dad is *so* proud of his daughter. he has every reason to be.

bunny. tdcr.

[LooPY]

Jules--I am so sorry to hear this sad news, and wish you solace and comfort. You did everything you could for your dad with much love and grace, and saw him through right to the end, which will give you peace just as it did him. After such an lengthy, arduous, stressful experience it is almost like you yourself are recovering from a long illness, even as you grieve for him. I remember too, feeling adrift because not only had I lost my mom, but for 10 years my schedule was set and revolved around her. Be kind and gentle to yourself, and treat yourself well. Visiting the residents in the nursing home can be very helpful. My mom's best friend since they were 18 and in nursing school together, moved to an assisted living facility not far from me, and visiting her is such a treat and a joy and lifts my spirits every time! And of course, your new puppy--how life affirming! We had a puppy when I was a child named Magic Penny. We called her Magic (if you're still looking for names...!) We are all thinking of you, with love. May you only know good things from now on.

[Topaz Gem]

Jules, I want to add my condolences. Your father was so lucky to have you by his side.

[Emma bunting]

Oh Jules! I am just so sorry for your loss. What a wonderful daughter you have been to your beloved Dad. There is no greater privilege than to help someone you love exit this world with as much grace, dignity and love as you can. And you, my friend, did that in spades.

God bless you and your Dad. May he rest in peace.

[JustJules]

Thank you again for such kind words and compassion. The sun came up today, even if it is a bit overcast, and I am going to take things just one day at a time. I have much to do in the days and weeks to follow, but every journey starts with the first step. I need to go to the mortuary today to finalize everything. Because my dad passed late on Friday and it was a holiday weekend, his doctor needs to sign off on the death certificate before anything could happen. I have a tough decision to make... whether I want to view my dad one last time before he is cremated. I know my daddy is gone and in a better place, and what is left is the empty shell, but it's still all I have to say goodbye to one final time. Since I was with him when he passed I know what to expect... but I know it will be hard all the same, and I have nobody to go with me. When my mom died I wasn't with her, but when I did view her at least I had my dad and my aunt with me. I feel like I will have regrets if I don't see him, because then he is going to be in an urn. I am praying for strength and the ability to make the proper decision.

[Buck-i-Nana]

Deciding whether to view your Dad is obviously a very personal decision. We didn't have viewings with either my Mom or Dad and I have no regrets. When my hubby died, his family lived far away and they really wanted that viewing and I agreed to it and have always regretted that decision. I should have arranged time for them to have a private viewing and my children and I not attend it. We were all with hubby when he passed and said our goodbyes then. I hate that my last memory of hubby isn't that moment, but of him in the casket, as it was so not him.

[NoelSeven]

Jules,

We're with you in spirit today.

N.