Gifts for the Ungrateful - Page 6

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Biftu To me it isn't about who did and how did the thank you come. The point is the gift you are giving.

Does she need the help? Do you have the funds? Do you feel good about helping her, and do you want to continue a relationship with the children? Do they need you?

If you are doing it out of habit, then stop. If you are doing it out of love, continue. If it is your chance to be an angel to someone then by all means continue--no matter what. Being an angel to someone else is by far the best gift to give yourself!

SloopJohnB · ‎04-25-2020

@gidgetgh wrote:
@SloopJohnB wrote:
@gidgetgh wrote:
@CalminHeart wrote:
Gift giving isn't done with the expectation of a gift or recognition. It's done out of love.

@CalminHeart - yeah, I hear you on that, but as a society, we can't even acknowledge a gift anymore and say thank you? We've come to that? That for as "busy" as everyone is, one can't place a simple phone call, or email or, as a last resort, text, to thank anyone anymore?

I think that is thoughtless and rude and a deal breaker for me. If you don't care enough to give me a simple thank you, then I don't care enough to send a gift. It's good manners to thank someone for a gift. Why is that so difficult for some people.
@gidgetgh Exactly. Kind of reminds me of the excuse a newly wed couple would give when they fail to send out a thank you note. Someone I know said that there were so many guests at the wedding they couldn't or wouldn't be able to respond to all of them. Really? You were able to send out all the invitations without any problem. 👰🙄

Granted, I had a small wedding and got married when I was 35 so I wasn't a blushing young bride, but I mailed my thank you notes out 2 days after our wedding. We took our honeymoon the next week.

@gidgetgh THANK YOU. pun intended!!!

I would give everything I own just to have you back again.......David Gates of Bread

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Have any of you actually called up someone and said
"Did you get the gift I sent?"

Then followed up with "Well, I didn't hear from you and I wanted to call and find out if you don't like or don't need the gift/money. Since you did not contact me but did receive it, I assume that you don't want or appreciate it. Is that the case?" Or I won't send it any more, but don't think I don't still think of you! Or whatever you feel like saying.

Anyone faced the problem like this?

febe1 · ‎01-22-2012

I have sent gifts out of state granddaughters for 23 years and have never received a thank you note. My son will tell me thank you, but never a word from my DIL or granddaughters.

I asked my son why, and he sort of gave a scoff, like she's not going to do that or teach the kids to do that.

On the birth of their second daughter, my BFF sent a gift. I apologized to her and thanked her, but I told her to not expect a thank you. I questioned my son? He just shrugged like there was nothing he could do. I blame both my son and DIL, but especially my DIL b/c I always had that responsibility and teaching.

MLaner · ‎09-21-2021

I'd certainly take her off my list if she didn't even thank you for helping her out. I might try to feel the situation out a little first though. Ask if things were really hectic or busy since you hadn't heard from her. It's not really your responsibility to fish for an answer, but I'd at least give it a try. You never know what someone is going through. If you don't get a reasonable answer, then I'd put her on the naughty list.

TVLand · ‎11-14-2013

To Love my grandkids....this was a suggestion..because it sounded to me as if she felt uncomfortable about just stopping completely....this could be a first step....then if again no acknowledgement........send Christmas wishes via a Christmas card....only

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

@febe1 wrote:
I have sent gifts out of state granddaughters for 23 years and have never received a thank you note. My son will tell me thank you, but never a word from my DIL or granddaughters.
I asked my son why, and he sort of gave a scoff, like she's not going to do that or teach the kids to do that.
On the birth of their second daughter, my BFF sent a gift. I apologized to her and thanked her, but I told her to not expect a thank you. I questioned my son? He just shrugged like there was nothing he could do. I blame both my son and DIL, but especially my DIL b/c I always had that responsibility and teaching.

"she's not going to do that or teach the kids to do that". Wow! Intentionally not teach them to be appreciative and say thank you?

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

@gidgetgh wrote:
@febe1 wrote:
I have sent gifts out of state granddaughters for 23 years and have never received a thank you note. My son will tell me thank you, but never a word from my DIL or granddaughters.
I asked my son why, and he sort of gave a scoff, like she's not going to do that or teach the kids to do that.
On the birth of their second daughter, my BFF sent a gift. I apologized to her and thanked her, but I told her to not expect a thank you. I questioned my son? He just shrugged like there was nothing he could do. I blame both my son and DIL, but especially my DIL b/c I always had that responsibility and teaching.

"she's not going to do that or teach the kids to do that". Wow! Intentionally not teach them to be appreciative and say thank you?

My mother always made us girls write thank you notes, no matter how big or small the gift.

When my sisters had their children, one sister also insisted her children write thank you notes. The other sister did not think this was important and that "children should write 'thank yous' if they wanted." She always resented that our mother made us do that and didn't want her children feeling the same.

Whenever I sent gifts to the first sister's children, and eventually their children, I always got thank you notes. I never got notes from the second sister's children or their children either.

How in the world are the kids going to know they supposed to acknowledge a gift if they're never taught?

Venezia · ‎03-09-2010

@Sooner wrote:
Have any of you actually called up someone and said
"Did you get the gift I sent?"

Then followed up with "Well, I didn't hear from you and I wanted to call and find out if you don't like or don't need the gift/money. Since you did not contact me but did receive it, I assume that you don't want or appreciate it. Is that the case?" Or I won't send it any more, but don't think I don't still think of you! Or whatever you feel like saying.

Anyone faced the problem like this?

@Sooner - Yes, I have! And the response I got in one instance was "Oh, they posted the news on Facebook." (After a baby shower, which I attended and wasn't even acknowledged at, even though every other attendee was - clearly the mother-to-be didn't even know who I was.) Well, I don't do Facebook and shouldn't have to.

In a second instance, I was told by the nephew's mother "Oh...did you not get a thank you? I'm sure he got it." Well, hurrah.

It was after those incidents that I called it quits. Circumstances are different for everyone, so I don't think anyone should feel guilty about discontinuing the practice.

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

@Sooner wrote:
Have any of you actually called up someone and said
"Did you get the gift I sent?"

Then followed up with "Well, I didn't hear from you and I wanted to call and find out if you don't like or don't need the gift/money. Since you did not contact me but did receive it, I assume that you don't want or appreciate it. Is that the case?" Or I won't send it any more, but don't think I don't still think of you! Or whatever you feel like saying.

Anyone faced the problem like this?

@Sooner

I haven't called, but I have emailed a couple of times to find out if the gift had been received when I hadn't heard anything.

One instance was for a substantial check for a wedding gift that was never acknowledged. Turns out, they had never gotten the check. I sent another one, this time to the parent's home, and it was received. But the thank you I got was not from the young couple, but the parent.