Gifts for the Ungrateful - Page 2

Love my grandkids · ‎11-24-2013

@Biftu What in the world would you feel "guilty" about? For not giving gifts to an ungrateful person?

Guilt is the feeling that you've done something wrong.

What will you be doing wrong? So she sends you photos. Big dang deal. It would have taken her less than a minute to text or email you a thank you for the check.

Never send her another thing and don't look back.

Shepsmom · ‎07-10-2010

My nieces do not send thank you notes and I would call to make sure the gift arrived. When they were in their teens I sent them a pack of blank thank you cards and stamps. They did not acknowledge that gift so it was the last one I sent them. I know gifts are from the heart but I now buy a gift for a child on the Salvation Army Angel tree and place it in my nieces names. It makes for less grief and I know someone appreciated the gift. This year our church is sponsoring elderly individuals who are in need of the basics such as socks, underwear and warm clothes. I will add them to my list.

Pearlee · ‎06-11-2011

@Biftu I'd do what you suggested, give to the children, not the mother. Why spend money on a gift you don't really feel like giving?

There is no excuse for being an ingrate!

Duckncover · ‎07-16-2021

We have had the same issue with grandkids in their late teens who don't acknowledge gifts. They live out of state but we keep in touch. We sent a generous giftcard two years ago for a grandsons's 18th birthday and we had no response. DH finally called our son to find out if it was received. He said he had no idea and said he would ask him when he got home. No response. DH called again a week later and our son said he thinks he got it. Still no thank you from grandson or even our own son. So disappointed in both of them. We did not raise our son this way! After that, we started making donations to non-profits we thought they may find relevant to them. They got acknowledgement cards from the charity. We didn't hear back from them around the next few gift occasions, so I think they got the message, or else they just think we are old and weird now. At least we aren't ignoring their birthdays, etc.

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@Biftu wrote:
i give Christmas and birthday gifts to my God daughter and her two girls. They are out of state but I do see them a few times a year and FaceTime with them occasionally. I am happy to send gifts to the girls. However, this past year my god daughter got her masters degree under difficult circumstances. I sent her a check for her graduation. Not a word from her, not a call or a thank you. Same for other gifts. The girls thank me but she never does. This year I am thinking of removing her from my Christmas gift list and just send gifts for the girls. She doesn't give me a gift, but sends pictures of the girls. Should I feel guilty for eliminating her? Should I even mention it?

@Biftu Nobody can tell you how to feel about guilt.

I look at it this way-the girls still thank you and maybe she is included in the thank-you.

You said she earned her M.A. under difficult circumstances-perhaps there were other issues on her mind at the time.

Granted, a thank-you is always an indication of good manners but ask yourself this:

Do you WANT to still include her regardless of her lack of thank-you notes/calls/texts and can you accept her for who she is unconditionally?

I think some responses here are a tad harsh-if the girls say "Thank you" they are obviously brought up that way. Why their mom is lacking is unknown but she certainly taught them well.

Only you can decide to maintain this relationship with her as far as gifts-if you can give without conditions and feel good about including her, then continue to include her.

I don't think this is an issue of her being "ungrateful" either.

You certainly could ask her if she received the check (was it cashed??).

I understand about lack of thank-you's but I think you can decide if it is important enough to exclude her or not.

Follow your heart.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

Porcelain · ‎02-19-2014

You could just lay it all out for her and give her the choice. Send her a box of Thank You cards and stamps. Maybe even a nice pen as well. With a letter letting her know that the next gift you send her will be the last one she receives from you if you don't receive a letter of thanks.

It makes you appear a bit huffy, sure. But it's being honest and clear if you really do feel that way. And of course you shouldn't/don't have to do such a thing for a grown adult who does know better. It's just an option that gives her fair warning that the gift source is about to disappear and why. It lets you leave her with a lesson and everything she needs to start being more polite to others, if nothing else.

If you only give her the Thank You cards without spelling it out, that's kind of passive aggressive. You have every right to be clear about what you would like from her, even if she normally does not do that for others.

If your relationship with her is not particularly important to you, then certainly none of this would be worth your time and effort.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

Iwantcoffee · ‎03-11-2010

I have never received a written thank you note for a Christmas or birthday gift. If someone does not send a written note it does not mean they are ungrateful. People are different, Everyone does not send cards and flowers or show-up with food for the grieving or visits for the sick. This does not mean they do not care.

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@Biftu I'm sorry this is happening (or not happening!) and you are upset by it.

Personally think it's best just to stay gracious. I think that's what gifts are all about - not what you get from the other person in return. But also it's about what feels right to you - what feels like the right thing. If you will not be happy with giving a gift and receiving no acknowledgement - then of course, stop. You are not obligated to give gifts - they are voluntary! If you can just give the gift simply because you wanted to, then do that.

Why not just follow up after you give a gift and chat, inquire if she received it, if she liked it, etc? Only in an easygoing way tho.

I agree with the other poster who said that she probably thinks if the kids contact you about the gifts, then that is the contact and acknowledgement for all the gifts.

Diva on The Q · ‎03-28-2016

I gave my nephew $50.00 as a graduation gift. Of course, $50.00 isn't a whole lot of money but that's not the point. He never called to thank me. As for Christmas, I've always given all my family members a gift. My first thought was to not give him a gift at all. But, as you can imagine, that would cause a lot of hurt feelings. So, I decided to get him a high-value gift, but at clearance price. I decided I wasn't going to spend a lot of time and energy searching for the "perfect gift". This way, if he doesn't acknowledge it, I won't take it to heart.