Community Chat

[shoptilyadropagain]

My mom's neighbor shovels her driveway and sidewalk.  Every year she gives him a gift card to a well loved local pizza place (very small chain).  I have suggested she purchase a VISA gift card and he and his wife could buy anything they wanted, food or otherwise, but she still insists on the pizza gift card.  

[ThinkingOutLoud]

I'm with those who've stated to let the mom teach these valuable lessons to her kids and not undermine that effort. Aside from that, never underestimate the power of a written thank you note!

[furbabylover]

There is a company called Uncle Mike's Bake Shoppe that makes the No. 1 award-winning Kringle in the USA. They ship anywhere in the US and people (including my family) RAVE about these pastries. They make many flavors, but the one that was named the best was the Salted Caramel Pecan Kringle. Maybe your neighbors would like a nice treat like this?

[Love my grandkids]

@Sooner I LOVE your answer!  I think it is perfect and doesn't negate what mom is teaching her kids but does show appreciation to the whole family.

I hope the OP sees it!

[occasionalrain]

Your neighbor disregarded your wish to hire someone to clear your snow and has taken it upon herself to use you to train her children without bothering to get your consent. This has unfairly put you in an untenable situation.

Forcing good deeds on her children will miss the mark by a mile. Parents need to act as examples.  Good deeds should come as a desire of the one doing them.

In this situation you could have taken a stand and told your neighbor that while you are happy to hire her children you are not comfortable in accepting their help without paying them. Otherwise all you can do is to go along with her wishes and offer thanks.

[BadWolf]

I am in the opposite position.  Both my neighbor and I have contract snow removel over 2 inches.  When it is under that, we shovel our neighbors walks and driveway.  I do not do it for money or any other reward.  They have offered money and I decline.

They did purchase a specialty cake and have it sent over with a lovely note.  I thought that was kind and did not diminish the good feeling I got helping them.  Do we really have to dissect such a common occurrence?  The neighbor asked that they not be paid - do ntot pay them but I think furbaby lover (?) had the perfect answer.  I would love something I had never tried before.

[magicmoodz]

@haddon9  While it is admirable the mother of these young boys is teaching them to extend kindness with no expectation of reward, life lessons work both ways. It is also admirable to teach them to extend appreciation for kind gestures received.

If I were you, I might have a couple of their favorite pizzas delivered on a Friday night and leave a basket with a bottle of wine (for the parents), a few soft drinks for the boys and some homemade cookies for dessert. Not just a repayment to the boys, but rather a display of "we appreciate our wonderful neighbors"!

[occasionalrain]

The  OP wanted to hire someone to shovel her snow but instead of offering and discussing it with her neighbor, she decided to turn it into a good deed teaching experience for her children. Presumptuous. 

The OP wasn't asking for volunteers and, it seems, well able to pay. With the Pandemic many are out of work and could have used the money earned from clearing the snow but this neighbor never gave that a thought.

[AuntG]

I would have wanted to pay them a modest wage, but since the mom said no, I'd send them a gift card at the end of the season for a pizza place.

[Greeneyedlady21]

Teaching kids to do things for others without expectation of reward is essential, in my opinion. Unless you want them to become adults who don't do that. I have seen what happens to such adults, it's not pretty.

My neighbors have their two elementary school age girls out helping with shoveling at their house. They told me they don't want their kids to be spoiled. Teaching your kids to help and have responsibilities is not being hard on them. It's good parenting imo. These girls shovel small amounts of snow, they're not being abused.

Anyway @haddon9 if you feel you want to do something, I agree with a gift card for pizza delivery.