Reply
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,685
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

Maybe the OP talked to her children ,and they didn't care. We don't know, she hasn't posted again

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,257
Registered: ‎05-22-2014

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

@Panda123, I hope I didn’t give the impression there was a relationship ship with the grandchildren.  It might seem unlikely, but there are times in life that relationships can change.  Life happens, years and experiences can cause people to reconsider relationships.  Yes, it happens.  The ties to one’s grandchildren are very deep.  Hence, all the hurt experienced here.  If you follow a path in the middle, protecting yourself but still showing care and concern, good things can happen.  No details here, but it happened to me.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,184
Registered: ‎11-16-2014

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....


@Panda123 wrote:

@PamfromCT wrote:

So much good advice given here.  I don’t know what exactly what I would do, but I think it’s important to ask yourself a question:  Do I want to close the door forever on a relationship with my grandchildren?  No, you should not be a chump, but consider a solution that is a middle of the road?  It is obvious that they are spoiled and do not lack for anything.  If they were friends, I would write them off ASAP.  But there might be some hope for a future relationship.  I wish you all the best, and I hope your broken heart will someday heal.


@PamfromCT  I don't see a relationship here, it is one sided. When people show you who they are, believe them.


@Panda123  For some of us we feel unconditional love for our children, grandchildren included. That's why we look the other way when the thank you notes do not come or our children do not live the way that we think they should. Quite a few moms I know did teach their children to write thank you notes or acknowledge gifts but the kids rebel and just won't send cards of any kind.

 

I have seen both sides of the coin and many of the parents who want their kids to do it "their way" end up alone and wondering why on holidays and occasions.

 

Sometimes compromises have to be made...

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,998
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....


@BrandiDavis wrote:

@september wrote:

When I read threads like this one, and related ones about poor relationships many women have with their families, it's clear to me why and how things go south 

 

a gift should be given with no strings attached.  Especially when it is to your children or grandchildren.  

the desire to "punish" those who don't acknowledge as wished, is very sad 


It's called respect. The respectful thing to do when you receive a gift is to say "thank-you".


@BrandiDavis    An unneeded lecture.  I never said I didn't believe that saying thank you for a gift is the right thing to do.

 

My point was that I wouldn't withhold gifts from my grandchildren if I didn't receive the thanks.  

Regular Contributor
Posts: 240
Registered: ‎06-27-2016

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

@september  I'm sorry if you felt that I "lectured" you. That wasn't my intention. I was simply stating the obvious. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,891
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....


@PamfromCT wrote:

@Panda123, I hope I didn’t give the impression there was a relationship ship with the grandchildren.  It might seem unlikely, but there are times in life that relationships can change.  Life happens, years and experiences can cause people to reconsider relationships.  Yes, it happens.  The ties to one’s grandchildren are very deep.  Hence, all the hurt experienced here.  If you follow a path in the middle, protecting yourself but still showing care and concern, good things can happen.  No details here, but it happened to me.


@PamfromCT  Sounds like you did the right thing and yes relationships can and do change over time.  I have no experience in this area but am a stickler for showing respect and gratitude.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,795
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

[ Edited ]

 

 

Give from the heart and not from the wallet.

""Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." -Rumi
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,891
Registered: ‎04-27-2015

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....


@Trinity11 wrote:

@Panda123 wrote:

@PamfromCT wrote:

So much good advice given here.  I don’t know what exactly what I would do, but I think it’s important to ask yourself a question:  Do I want to close the door forever on a relationship with my grandchildren?  No, you should not be a chump, but consider a solution that is a middle of the road?  It is obvious that they are spoiled and do not lack for anything.  If they were friends, I would write them off ASAP.  But there might be some hope for a future relationship.  I wish you all the best, and I hope your broken heart will someday heal.


@PamfromCT  I don't see a relationship here, it is one sided. When people show you who they are, believe them.


@Panda123  For some of us we feel unconditional love for our children, grandchildren included. That's why we look the other way when the thank you notes do not come or our children do not live the way that we think they should. Quite a few moms I know did teach their children to write thank you notes or acknowledge gifts but the kids rebel and just won't send cards of any kind.

 

I have seen both sides of the coin and many of the parents who want their kids to do it "their way" end up alone and wondering why on holidays and occasions.

 

Sometimes compromises have to be made...


@Trinity11  As I stated before, I am just a stickler for these things, guess it was the way I was raised. Of course I would always love my children if they did not thank me for something but it would take some thought about giving the next time. To me it's just a lack of manners.

As for being brought up to thank a person when they do or give you something, I have a short story. My daughter who is adopted was reunited with her biological siblings a few years ago. These kids had a horrendous life, no parent involvement......flying through life by the seat of their pants. Whenever my husband and I would give them something or do something for them a handwritten thank you came and in a timely manner ......who taught them that? I don't know what the answer is but an issue can not be made of not thanking.