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10-20-2019 07:28 PM - edited 10-20-2019 07:30 PM
This is so sad. I fault the parents for not teaching and insisting that their children acknowledge gifts from their grandparents. Just my opinion, but I'd probably send a much smaller amount instead of being so generous. And, once the grandchildren are 18, it would stop - no more gifts. I agree with the person who suggested that you call them on Christmas Day to wish them a Merry Christmas and ask if they received their gift. If you get the same nonchalant attitude, then maybe it's time to rethink sending future gifts before they even turn 18. Saying "thank you" should always be the "rule". My heart goes out to you and your DH.
10-20-2019 07:31 PM
Christmas will be here before you know it...need to know the rules now concerning how to handle gifts for grands.
We have four grandkids in their teens now who live two states away from us. We see them twice a year. They are all incredibly over-scheduled with several sports and other competions or projects. We always send generous giftcards for their birthdays, We have never received a thank you card or even an acknowledgement via a phone call, text, or anything else. I feel like we should no longer send gifts. DH thinks we should. Their parents don’t send thank-yous of any kind either. Since the grandkids are in their middle to late teens, aren’t they old enough to send a note or call a thank-you? They never put down their cellphones, so it shouldn’t be that hard. Am I being too demanding to expect acknowledgment of giftcards? For all we know, the cards could have been stolen and we would never know.
@lovesrecess I have been sending birthday gifts for my niece and nephew for years, and have never gotten an acknowledgement or a thank you. I have finally decided to stop sending them this year. And I feel good about that decision. If the gift is not acknowledged or appreciated, why bother sending them.
10-20-2019 07:31 PM
@lovesrecess: Just read your post and wanted to reassure you that you’re not alone. I have four, busy grands as well and only one is good about a written thank you note but the others text or phone (I love the written as well).
I must say they are all very good about reciprocating and never miss cards and gifts to me - even when away at college and their parents are and have always been generous with me. I hope that yours are thoughtful on your occasions.
They have mentioned their other sets of grandparents are not regular with gifting and have wondered why. We are just all different but I don’t think I would keep giving if they don’t. Take care of you first!
10-20-2019 07:37 PM
We try to keep in touch, but the most we get is an occasional comment on FB. Sigh.
@lovesrecess You have a one sided relationship, this is very sad. Shame on them. My parents have passed away and my children would do anything to have them back. You are right, cut them off. Sorry to be so harsh.
10-20-2019 08:05 PM
The parents are rude. They should have taught these grandchildren from day one how to write a thank you note. Stop, and if it comes up, be honest. That's when real learning takes place.
10-20-2019 08:19 PM
I am sorry for this situation with your grandchildren. And I agree with your hurt feelings and that it may be time to stop gifting them since obviously they and their parents lack good manners. It may even not bother them that you and DH stop gifting them. In that case no sense in wasting your time and money.
If DH still can get over guilt feelings, suggest about starting to buy savings bonds.
10-20-2019 08:35 PM
I would ask each grandchild individually what they'd like for Christmas or their birthday. That way you've got a dialogue going. It's never too late to start one.
Everybody has a certain something that they'd like, doesn't matter if they're wealthy or not, it doesn't necessarily have to be an expensive item.
A piece of sporting equipment, if they're that involved. Ask them!
They're going to be young adults soon, able to drive to see you. Or if they're that far away, maybe you two could meet them halfway and have a mini vacation.
We drove from South Jersey to Long Island last weekend to spend a day and a half with 2 of ours. We didn't do anything special. Walked to their school and tossed the football to each other, kicked a soccer ball around, played tag, got water ice on the way home, then raked up big piles of leaves and jumped into them from their swings. But all day we laughed hysterically (okay they laughed at me mostly) and we had fun!
Did I want to make that trek up thru NYC on a Sunday, heck no! But they are worth it!
I don't know if they send you gifts and if they do, then you hopefully sent them a thank you card (if that's what you expect from them in lieu of a phone call or even a text). Sometimes, I hear grandparents, aunts, et al. complaining about no thank you card and yet it never dawns on them to send one when they receive something. (That baffles me.)
Perhaps you could send them embossed stationery with their names on it. I order such from a company called American Stationery Co. Really neat even for boys. They should have it at the ready to send to any and all for gifts they receive, not just you.
Don't hold a grudge. Try to extend an arm out, bypass the parents! Kids don't hate their grandparents, but if they are somewhat estranged because of distance, it becomes awkward. You can bridge that gap by giving them a call. Now is the perfect time as the holidays are coming up. Tell them you'd love to get them something they would like and can they give you some ideas.
Give it a try.
10-20-2019 08:41 PM
DH calls on Christmas Day. They are usually on a ski trip or in Europe during holidays. They never call or acknowledge Father’s Day either and I know it crushes DH, but that’s another story. DH thinks it’s cruel not to send Christmas gifts, but if they aren’t acknowledged or appreciated, what’s the point?
"...I know it crushes DH..." That by itself would be enough for me to stop to stop feeding their ingratitude, self-centeredness, and rudeness.
10-20-2019 09:28 PM
I would get them each a gift, not a money gift ,but something like a book, or gloves. I would make sure it is nice, but, I wouldn't give them money. If they don't mention it, you won't be in worse shape than you are now
I would do something nice for a poor family ,with what you save. I am sure they will be happy, and so will you, because helping people, is one of the best feelings in the world
@cherryGreat idea My brother and his family are adopting a family instead of buying each other gifts.
Our bank has the gift of books for children and Christmas.
10-20-2019 10:03 PM
My granddaughter just had her second baby boy. I went to the hospital to see them with my son. Took a basket filled with gifts an Autumn arrangement and a card with a check for $200.
She thanked me for the basket but never opened the gifts. Her husband just took them to their car. That night I remembered the card and texted her that it was taped inside the basket.
She answered that she would tell him. That's the last I've heard. Haven't seen the baby again either. (I don't drive on the interstate).
My son's daughter (the one with the baby is his wife's daughter he adopted) always thanks me if we shop together before we leave the store. She texts and e mails because I can't hear on the phone to thank me, just recently for a Halloween card & gifts.She's 12 and very busy but always remembers. Even sends me photos of dogs and sunsets because she knows I like them.
The difference is the way these granddaughters were raised. My son was taught manners and to thank people and write notes or call. If we go to dinner we take turns and he still thanks me.
At Christmas some gifts aren't acknowledged by my ex DIL and family so there will be less from me and I will deposit $ in her savings account for my granddaughter who appreciates it. (She even deposited her birthday money without being told to save, again my sons influence).
I think the card is a great idea. It lets them know you've remembered them and maybe they will think about the money.
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