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Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,214
Registered: ‎11-25-2011

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

[ Edited ]

@lovesrecess wrote:

Their parents don’t send thank-yous of any kind either.


So....how come you/DH didn't teach your children this?

Bad habits are usually Generational Bad Habits.

🤷‍♀️

 

Plus....kinda sad to see conditional love within a family unit.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,626
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....


@Lucky charm wrote:

I would ask each grandchild individually what they'd like for Christmas or their birthday.  That way you've got a dialogue going.  It's never too late to start one. 

 

Everybody has a certain something that they'd like, doesn't matter if they're wealthy or not, it doesn't necessarily have to be an expensive item.

 

A piece of sporting equipment, if they're that involved.  Ask them!

 

They're going to be young adults soon, able to drive to see you.  Or if they're that far away, maybe you two could meet them halfway and have a mini vacation.

 

We drove from South Jersey to Long Island last weekend to spend a day and a half with 2 of ours. We didn't do anything special.  Walked to their school and tossed the football to each other, kicked a soccer ball around, played tag, got water ice on the way home, then raked up big piles of leaves and jumped into them from their swings.  But all day we laughed hysterically (okay they laughed at me mostly) and we had fun!

 

Did I want to make that trek up thru NYC on a Sunday, heck no!  But they are worth it!

 

I don't know if they send you gifts and if they do, then you hopefully sent them a thank you card (if that's what you expect from them in lieu of a phone call or even a text).  Sometimes, I hear grandparents, aunts, et al. complaining about no thank you card and yet it never dawns on them to send one when they receive something.  (That baffles me.)

 

Perhaps you could send them embossed stationery with their names on it.  I order such from a company called American Stationery Co.  Really neat even for boys.  They should have it at the ready to send to any and all for gifts they receive, not just you.

 

Don't hold a grudge.  Try to extend an arm out, bypass the parents!  Kids don't hate their grandparents, but if they are somewhat estranged because of distance, it becomes awkward.  You can bridge that gap by giving them a call.  Now is the perfect time as the holidays are coming up.  Tell them you'd love to get them something they would like and can they give you some ideas.

 

Give it a try.

 



            Lovely, thoughtful post, @Lucky charm.   Your wisdom emanates from the heart, gracious and kind.

❤️

 

 

⭐️"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.” ~H.W. Newton⭐️


Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,989
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

If the grandchildren haven't acknowledged gifts in the past, it's unlikely they will start. I don't know that I'd go cold turkey though.  It doesn't sound like there is a close relationship, but there is a relationship.  You wouldn't want that to slip.  Who knows, they may think you stopped gifting due to something related to them.  Not the no thank you note.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,998
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

@lovesrecess   I will always send gifts to my grandchildren, regardless of whether or not I receive a thank you letter or card.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,203
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

@Jordan2 Agree with you 100%. Being a grandmother is not about punishing those who disappoint. As a daughter / wife / mom / grandmother / aunt / sister / daughter / friend / mother-in-law / daughter-in-law / neighbor / employee -- we've learned that we'll be let down. We can't control or punish everyone who lets us down. Our only job is to give a reasonable expression / small gift letting our loved ones know we're thinking of them. Down the road, they will remember you as someone who thought about them -- and not someone judged, withheld and punished them. Keep your gift simple, but let them know you're thinking of them. Zero expectations.   

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,917
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

How incredibly rude and ungracious! Are the grandchildren your son's kids? I would talk to him about teaching his kids to be thankful and appreciative!

 

I personally don't like gift cards. I find them to be so impersonal. Why not just send a family gift; dinner gift cert and movie tickets, a weekend getaway, food. etc.,

 

If the kids are busy and into sports, you could end them something related to the sports that they play. I can't imagine not sending them a gift though. They are your grandchildren. I hardly ever receive thank you notes and I am constantly doing things for others. 

 

Why do you only see the children twice a year? You don't spend a holiday together? 

I think this is a shame.  ):

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,998
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

When I read threads like this one, and related ones about poor relationships many women have with their families, it's clear to me why and how things go south 

 

a gift should be given with no strings attached.  Especially when it is to your children or grandchildren.  

the desire to "punish" those who don't acknowledge as wished, is very sad 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,177
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....


@lovesrecess wrote:

DH calls on Christmas Day. They are usually on a ski trip or in Europe during holidays. They never call or acknowledge Father’s Day either and I know it crushes DH, but that’s another story. DH thinks it’s cruel not to send Christmas gifts, but if they aren’t acknowledged or appreciated, what’s the point?


@lovesrecess The point is you are their grandmother.  If you don't care whether you have a relationship with them, don't send a gift.  It sounds as if the relationship has sort of died on the vine for both sides.  

 

If that works for you all, it is what it is. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,792
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....


@sidsmom wrote:

@lovesrecess wrote:

Their parents don’t send thank-yous of any kind either.


So....how come you/DH didn't teach your children this?

Bad habits are usually Generational Bad Habits.

🤷‍♀️

 

Plus....kinda sad to see conditional love within a family unit.


@sidsmom   I'm glad you posted this-I was thinking the same thing. 

 

 

 

 

""Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." -Rumi
Valued Contributor
Posts: 779
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Gift-giving season is coming soon....

I have a similar situation going on.  I have stepchildren and the one son has 4 kids and the daughter has 1 and then our daughter together has 2.  Our daughter lives down the street and the grand kids are a big part of our lives.  The step daughter lives in Florida but has always kept us in the loop with our grand daughter.  We have  a connection.  The  step son has never been good keeping us in the loop or bringing them on a regular basis.   We have had them for Christmas but started to change when they started having marriage issues.  Hardly see or hear from kids.  Divorced now.

 

Two older ones have kids of their own and saw the great grand kids once.    2 of the grand kids are still at home.  Over the years the sons family has hardly ever thanked us or showed any appreciation.  I blame it on the parents.  I continue  to send and maybe not as much as I use to but I do not want us to be the ones who never tried.  I won't take it out on them.    I will continue until out of school.  Thanks or no thanks.  I send.

cash on their birthday and a card and at Christmas a gift card or money and a little something.  Like an ornament or candy or something like that.  

 

I love the one year they came and my step son said the kids want a tablet.  Really, you better start looking.