Re: Gift Not Well Received

GloriBee · ‎03-24-2010

@SeaMaidenwrote:
For many years my Husband's Mother sent us a big candy basket for Christmas that I imagine cost quite a bit of money... I know it is the thought that counts.... but, we ended up throwing away much of it... I gave away at my work most of it.)
we never wanted to hurt her feelings, but I thought gosh, if she would only send us a gift card OR made a donation to someone in or name... that really would be the best gift of all.)
Do you think it was better to let her send the gift basket we never used for so many years? My Husband just could never get the courage to tell her that we did not eat candy as he loved his Mom.....
Trying to make Paragraphs.... does not seem to work anymore......

@SeaMaidenagree that it is so hard to tell her to stop sending. At least you "shared the love"! I am also piggybacking on your paragraphs comment. Does anyone know the fix for us to insert our own paragraphs, since it is not working? Thanks!

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@sweetee2wrote:
To me it just sounds like it's to much. She is elderly and when you get to be at that age you don't eat as much, just simple meals. It was a nice thought just not for someone her age.

@sweetee2This was my first thought, too. Plus she said the MIL did not get around much anymore and it may have been too much for her to cook.

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"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

amyb · ‎04-05-2010

@Desert Lilywrote:
@amybI think the OP's MIL could've discreetly contacted a food pantry to pick up the items that she couldn't store, without expressing her disappointment to anyone. She might've even felt good about donating.
Next November, she could drop hints about what she'd actually like for next year's gift without saying anything negative about this year's gift.
It's sad that she didn't consider the OP's intentions & feelings this year.

@Desert LilyI was thinking similarily with some descreet way of letting them know what she might like, without insulting them about this year's gift. Maybe telling the BIL "if anyone is wondering what to get me this year..." But, I totally agree...no need to hurt feelings or seem ungrateful. Lol..I'm sure somewhere in Miss Manners book there's a note on this.

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

I get everyone saying a simple "Thank You" and how they would not complain etc. etc. etc. We know everyone else has perfect manners.

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I also do not know why people say they can fit all the food in THEIR refrigerator. It has nothing to do with this story.

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Did the OP first consult with her husband about this gift?

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We just do not know the whole story. The word "complain" is subjective and I see a twinge of dislike of this MIL embedded in the post.

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MIL sounds elderly. Perhaps a get together with the other BIL and partner if he has one would be better-what does MIL NEED rather than just guessing about a gift.

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It was a nice gift but since it was not approriate do something different next year.

* I am not going to slam the MIL; we do not know her personally, we do not know her finances, we do not know if she can handle cooking all this food, and most of all lesson learned.

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Once the gift is given, it is not important anymore as to how the recipient reacts.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

Sorry for any hurt feelings. That said, I relate to the freezer issue. Unless I knew something like this was coming in advance and could prepare room in the freezer, I might appreciate the thought but view it as a bit of a hassle. There are also some things I don't eat, but would probably quietly give them away rather than say anything. On the other hand, hurtful though it seems, had word not gotten back to you @ScrapHappy, you might have replicated the gift in the future. Regardless, I'd like to think I'd have found a way to be gracious about any feedback offered.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

ValuSkr · ‎03-15-2014

I'm sorry the gift wasn't a home run. I don't like it when that happens either. On the other hand, my own freezer is packed to the gills and I'd be in a quandary if I received a gift like that. I'd start asking around to family and friends to see if they have room. (Would it be rude not to offer them some?) Can you offer your own freezer space to your MIL or aren't you local?

CANDLEQUEEN · ‎03-09-2010

With the cost of food these days, I would be overjoyed with this gift...And you know what even if I weren't, I would never complain to the gift giver....That to me is just rude...If she feels compelled to give some away, just do it without telling the giver.....Some people don't realize the power of words and actions!!!!!

JaneMarple · ‎05-23-2011

@Cakers3wrote:
I get everyone saying a simple "Thank You" and how they would not complain etc. etc. etc. We know everyone else has perfect manners.
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I also do not know why people say they can fit all the food in THEIR refrigerator. It has nothing to do with this story.
*
Did the OP first consult with her husband about this gift?
*
We just do not know the whole story. The word "complain" is subjective and I see a twinge of dislike of this MIL embedded in the post.
*
MIL sounds elderly. Perhaps a get together with the other BIL and partner if he has one would be better-what does MIL NEED rather than just guessing about a gift.
*
It was a nice gift but since it was not approriate do something different next year.
* I am not going to slam the MIL; we do not know her personally, we do not know her finances, we do not know if she can handle cooking all this food, and most of all lesson learned.
*
Once the gift is given, it is not important anymore as to how the recipient reacts.

I agree with the above highlighted points, well said.

You Don't Own Me- Leslie Gore
(You don't Know) How Glad I Am- Nancy Wilson

QVCkitty1 · ‎05-23-2015

@CANDLEQUEENwrote:
With the cost of food these days, I would be overjoyed with this gift...And you know what even if I weren't, I would never complain to the gift giver....That to me is just rude...If she feels compelled to give some away, just do it without telling the giver.....Some people don't realize the power of words and actions!!!!!

@CANDLEQUEEN, Bingo ! Every thought doesn't need to be expressed. I have known people who were never satisfied with any gift, and they are the worst ! If you can't use it , give it to someone who can.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@ScrapHappyit bothers you because you tried to do something nice and save her a trip to the grocery store. She sounds like mine.

They live in an independent assisted living facility, so need nothing.

Everyone decided to do treat baskets for them and EVERY single item was repackaged to look like it was saved from meal time and given away.

This year we (all family members) have decided we aren't giving them anything. We will pay for their share of the Christmas Eve dinner at the restaurant and that's their gift.