Community Chat

[AngelPuppy1]

I agree with the great suggestion ---- buy a family gift!  

Another suggestions is to just state that instead of all these gift card and gift worrying --- which really does get to be very expensive and worrisome --- that you all agree to do away with it and just meet somewhere for a nice dinner.  State your case nicely and to the point and if the rest don't want to do it --- then that is their right but you must do what is the best for you!

When you said that you once did a name drawing, I thought that was wonderful.  My family did that for a few years and then we finally decided to stop that also and just buy for the young children in the family.  There were a couple in the family who weren't happy about not buying gifts for everyone and also when we stopped the name drawing.  And I hate to sound petty, but these were the same family members who were very chintzy on the gift giving themselves.  They would buy hardly anything and the gifts were very, very tacky and no thought was put into them.  Evryone else would buy nice (and not necessarily expensive gifts) and thoughtful gifts.

I, personally, am not all about gifts.  if I need something, I will buy it myself.  Not to say that I am not appreciative when someone gives me a gift, because I am.  But I don't feel it's necessary and I would rather get together and enjoy the experience!

Another suggestion would be if you don't want to stop the gift thing entirely.  Do a family get together for Christmas in place of the gifts.  But still do a gift card or gift for a birthday.  That way, it's not so much at once --- not such a burden to do it and not such a burden financially! 

[Moonchilde]

When you’re talking about a multi-generational large family with varying incomes, many of whom you rarely if ever see, and especially if you and/or DH are retired or close to it, people should understand that it can’t go on forever; it just can’t, that would be...a bit silly. It’s not as if you’re all close, and really care deeply and have a warm bond with all of them. Once “kids” get past 20, unless they’re in your life frequently and they acknowledge you personally with fondness - just stop.

It is a bit awkward for you that it’s your husband’s family and he’s the one who wants to stop; I would hold him to he being the one to break the news, and not let the family think it was your idea. Families are fun that way ;-(

[OKPrincess]

We drew names many years ago when my parents were alive (2 parents, 4 kids, 4 spouses, 9 grandkids). The adults  drew names and the kids drew a name. Therefore my family of four had four names. When the job market as well as the stock market took a nose dive in the 80s and some lost their jobs, we decided to end the Christmas tradition, and we never looked back. When Christmas gift giving becomes a burden something's wrong with the picture. That's not the meaning of Christmas. Due to "circumstances " in our family I am thankful to concentrate on my husband and kids.

[AuntG]

Your DH needs to tell his sisters that he has decided to stop giving gifts.  

[Big Joanie]

How about a donation to a charity in their name ....I too am in the

dilema about not being thanked for a gift ....I even have to call

to ask if a box I sent them arrived .. and this is after I have originally

called and asked them to let me know when the box arrives .. and

I still have to call .....

But I have stayed will my son's family for 3 weeks to a month at a

time .. and modern life is insane ...no excuse I know .. but ....

[Big Joanie]

But I must say .. and i have told my kids this ... living on reitrement

is a whole new ball game ....

[sidsmom]

Tell-tale signs of when a gift exchange needs to stop is:

1) Books,

2) Gift cards,

3) Actual cash

I was the one to suggest it within our family & also at work.

Best. Thing. Ever. 

-Especially- now since everything you would ever want is

available to everyone 24/7/365 online. 

It’ll feel weird the first year, but everyone will secretly thank you

and you’ll end up the hero of the family by making this move. Honest.

[Nataliesgramma]

I think the time is now to tell your husbaand it is time to stop......if he sees the gift cards and the cost right now it would have more of an impact then just bringing it up NEXT year.....

I am doing it this year with my brother......the exchanging gift cards is just nuts...His oldest STILL hasn't Thanked me for his Birthday money...

[CalminHeart]

We don't buy for adult children (except my own).  If they are out on their own, send them a card and sign it with love.  

[Marp]

A suggestion for those that do need to get gift cards--Amex.  The cards can be used almost everywhere so the recipient is not locked into a particular place, the cards do no incur charges beyond the purchase price (currently $3.85) and have a lengthly expiration date.  The ones I just purchased are good until 2025 and if I remember correctly the date can be extended.  If the card is lost or stolen it can be replaced.

For a just a little bit more the cards can be embossed with the recipient's name which IMO is worth the additional cost when the cards are given to children.  No confusion about who the card belongs to.

All this can be done online.