Community Chat

[AuntG]

I don't like hearing "get over it". It's as if there is no validation for the feelings you are experiencing. I do recall that if I would cry or whine too long, my father would say, "I can give you something to cry about". Luckily, he said it in a kidding way and wasn't abusive.

[mshappy1]

My Mom used to say ""Some people would still complain with their heads cut off!"" I find this to be especially true in the work place!

My Dad used to say ""It's better to be a smart butt than a dumb butt."" Only he didn't use the word butt!

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/2/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 3/2/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 2/28/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 2/28/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 2/28/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 2/28/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 2/27/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 2/27/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

Thanks, guys.

Yes, I suppose I have good character in some ways...but I can also be pretty venomous when provoked.

I said some really awful things to my parents when I was a pre-teen and a teen...things no one should ever say to his/her parents...but they were always in response to being beaten down repeatedly. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sorry for most of the awful things I said. My parents don't seem too regretful about things they said and did to me, so why should I be? To this day, my mother still thinks that everything is about her.

And yes, I do remember what it was like to be a kid. I don't remember all of the things that happened, but I remember what it felt like.

Sorry, I guess I'm dumping a lot out here...the situation our family is in has caused my mother's controlling tendencies to escalate dramatically, and I'm finding that her behavior is causing my anger to spike.

I do love them though. It just upsets me when I think about how much I'm willing to do to care for them vs. how little they did to care for me when I was a child.

Don't let it upset you, it means you are a big person, a big heart,...and they are not sorry because they don't think they did anything wrong, I see it here on the board, and in real life, people do and say whatever.

Thanks, Jannabelle.

I'm not even sure they remember most of the things they said and did. I do, because I was hurt by those things.

Years ago, I felt it was best for me to "stop the cycle" by not having any kids...but my brother is really good with his kids. I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong decision, and if it's too late to change my mind...or if I should remain childless. I don't know.

It's probably a moot point, because I'm not married or dating anyone...nor am I in any position to support a child financially.

You're welcome,.......I understand your decision, but I really think you would be a great mom, and your brother would help you I am certain....when you marry that special man , don't rule it out.

I'm not sure how much time I'll have for all of that to happen, Jannabelle. Not only am I in my mid-thirties right now, but cancer is a big problem in my family. My cousin was recently diagnosed; she's 41, I think. On both sides of my family, people typically die of cancer...and the age at time of diagnosis is getting younger and younger, as is the age of death. My aunt (the mother of my cousin who now has cancer) died at age 68. My dad will likely die at age 67 or 68. Our elders died of cancer in their 70s, 80s and 90s. I wonder a lot about how much time I have left..

Oh that is sad, Mistri, I am sorry for all that sickness, may it not come on you!

I think the lack of control is a big part of what I hate. What if I finally find happiness, and then I'm suddenly diagnosed with cancer (like my cousin)? I think that is my greatest fear; that I will eventually feel content, and then have that happiness pulled out from under me.

Mistri , you sound like a really good person to me, I would like to encourage you to ignore the fearful thoughts and live a good life, dwell on the good that is and the good that is coming to you, eat healthy food, exercise, hang out with emotionally healthy people as much as possible,don't dwell on all the sickness in your family line, we often get what we talk about and believe for....I wish the best for you.

Thanks, Jannabelle. I'm doing my best and that's all I can do, right?

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/2/2014 AuntG said:

I don't like hearing "get over it". It's as if there is no validation for the feelings you are experiencing.

I agree.

It's a lot harder to "get over" what's bugging you if you harbor anger due to the fact that people don't take you seriously.

All it takes is a little acknowledgment and kindness to help most people along.

"Get over it" isn't really all that helpful, is it? I mean, you're not instructing a person how to "get over" something, so saying "get over it" is useless. I guess if you enjoy being useless, it's a great saying.

[Jannabelle]

On 3/2/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/2/2014 AuntG said:

I don't like hearing "get over it". It's as if there is no validation for the feelings you are experiencing.

I agree.

It's a lot harder to "get over" what's bugging you if you harbor anger due to the fact that people don't take you seriously.

All it takes is a little acknowledgment and kindness to help most people along.

"Get over it" isn't really all that helpful, is it? I mean, you're not instructing a person how to "get over" something, so saying "get over it" is useless. I guess if you enjoy being useless, it's a great saying.

I agree with both of you!! It helps to get over it if someone at least tried to understand your pain/ frustration.....just get over it already does sound very callous and uncaring!

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 3/2/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 3/2/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/2/2014 AuntG said:

I don't like hearing "get over it". It's as if there is no validation for the feelings you are experiencing.

I agree.

It's a lot harder to "get over" what's bugging you if you harbor anger due to the fact that people don't take you seriously.

All it takes is a little acknowledgment and kindness to help most people along.

"Get over it" isn't really all that helpful, is it? I mean, you're not instructing a person how to "get over" something, so saying "get over it" is useless. I guess if you enjoy being useless, it's a great saying.

I agree with both of you!! It helps to get over it if someone at least tried to understand your pain/ frustration.....just get over it already does sound very callous and uncaring!

And there's nothing worse than some ignoramus telling you to do something who has no idea what they are talking about, and cannot instruct you how to do it.

If you're going to tell someone "do this!!"...you should be prepared to show them how. If you aren't prepared to show them the way, you have no business pointing them in random directions with trite proclamations.

[Lindsays Grandma]

I don't remember either parent having any special saying, I just remember they were the most wonderful mother and father a child could have.

My dear friend whose husband was a retired air force major would say to their two boys when they hurt themselves, "pain is good" and every time I heard him say that I would cringe.

[JJsMom]

On 3/2/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 3/2/2014 mistriTsquirrel said:

On 3/2/2014 AuntG said:

I don't like hearing "get over it". It's as if there is no validation for the feelings you are experiencing.

I agree.

It's a lot harder to "get over" what's bugging you if you harbor anger due to the fact that people don't take you seriously.

All it takes is a little acknowledgment and kindness to help most people along.

"Get over it" isn't really all that helpful, is it? I mean, you're not instructing a person how to "get over" something, so saying "get over it" is useless. I guess if you enjoy being useless, it's a great saying.

I agree with both of you!! It helps to get over it if someone at least tried to understand your pain/ frustration.....just get over it already does sound very callous and uncaring!

I agree too. I don't consider telling a child to "get over it" to be a great teaching moment.

[terrier3]

A funny "get over it story".

My aunt and uncle had a great marriage, no kids, but extremely loving and devoted. He had a stroke at 66 and died two years later. My aunt nursed him at home, even though he was in a wheelchair and lost a lot of his capabilities.

One week after he died, she received an insurance check in the mail, broke down and cried for most of the day.

She called my mom and told her that the check had made it really final - the love of her life was gone. My mom (her big sister) asked how much the check was for. My aunt replied that it was one million dollars, and broke down crying again!

That's when my mom said "Get over it, we're going to Italy!" My mom was "no nonsense" and although she loved my uncle dearly, she knew he had suffered for the two years he was sick.

Unfortunately my mom was diagnosed with cancer and she passed away less than two years later...they never were able to make that trip.

A lot of people are APPALLED at my mom's statement...but if you knew her, it was just her way to try to cheer up my aunt (her closest sister).

When my aunt would repeat the story...she always alternated between laughter and tears!

[Mominohio]

On 3/3/2014 terrier3 said:

A funny "get over it story".

My aunt and uncle had a great marriage, no kids, but extremely loving and devoted. He had a stroke at 66 and died two years later. My aunt nursed him at home, even though he was in a wheelchair and lost a lot of his capabilities.

One week after he died, she received an insurance check in the mail, broke down and cried for most of the day.

She called my mom and told her that the check had made it really final - the love of her life was gone. My mom (her big sister) asked how much the check was for. My aunt replied that it was one million dollars, and broke down crying again!

That's when my mom said "Get over it, we're going to Italy!" My mom was "no nonsense" and although she loved my uncle dearly, she knew he had suffered for the two years he was sick.

Unfortunately my mom was diagnosed with cancer and she passed away less than two years later...they never were able to make that trip.

A lot of people are APPALLED at my mom's statement...but if you knew her, it was just her way to try to cheer up my aunt (her closest sister).

When my aunt would repeat the story...she always alternated between laughter and tears!

This makes the perfect point. This phrase can be said with love. Gentle sisterly love, or when needed tough love. Not every "realistic" phrase or piece of advice is to be taken while wearing your heart on your sleeve.