Community Chat

[jubilant]

On 11/20/2014 colliegirls said:

I am not sure that "forgiveness" is always the accurate description, often it is learning to live with it and moving on from it.

I understand what you mean, I think. I am not talking about everyday flaws that we all have and accommodating each other along the way. Yes, there are many things we need to overlook and just "get over it". If you can learn to live with someone who has many faults and can handle it and rise above it and maintain your sanity, great! If you cannot understand why every time you are around or with a certain person ....things go downhill....then you need to address it. We really do "teach" people how to treat us by what we do allow and what we don't allow whether we realize it or not.

[JuJu Squeezie]

On 11/19/2014 happy housewife said:

At my sewing club this morning we were discussing how hard it is for some families to get along over the holidays and related issues. One of the ladies said the wisest thing I have ever heard. She said if people could only realize the value of forgiving each other they would be so much happier, and all that family drama would just go away. I said I agree - it's not that every family doesn't have issues - every family does. But some families wallow in it and other ones forgive and forget - and that is the only difference between the happy families and the dysfunctional ones. People need to recognize that they can't change anyone but themselves, so all you can do is just tell yourself to forgive and then release it. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to let them continue to do anything to you , it does not mean you don't protect yourself in the future from them, it just means you do not allow past acts to continue to eat at you, because that just creates a big place of pain in you.

Freud you're not. How simple minded this is, you have no idea what happens in some families, it's beyond forgiveness.

[NC Bandwagon]

On 11/20/2014 JuJu Squeezie said:

On 11/19/2014 happy housewife said:

At my sewing club this morning we were discussing how hard it is for some families to get along over the holidays and related issues. One of the ladies said the wisest thing I have ever heard. She said if people could only realize the value of forgiving each other they would be so much happier, and all that family drama would just go away. I said I agree - it's not that every family doesn't have issues - every family does. But some families wallow in it and other ones forgive and forget - and that is the only difference between the happy families and the dysfunctional ones. People need to recognize that they can't change anyone but themselves, so all you can do is just tell yourself to forgive and then release it. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to let them continue to do anything to you , it does not mean you don't protect yourself in the future from them, it just means you do not allow past acts to continue to eat at you, because that just creates a big place of pain in you.

Freud you're not. How simple minded this is, you have no idea what happens in some families, it's beyond forgiveness.

@Squirt60 Squeezie, I don't think happy housewife meant her post in a bad way. I think she meant that some things are just really hard to move on from and that can create rifts in families. I do understand what you're saying, though.

[JuJu Squeezie]

On 11/20/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

On 11/20/2014 JuJu Squeezie said:

On 11/19/2014 happy housewife said:

At my sewing club this morning we were discussing how hard it is for some families to get along over the holidays and related issues. One of the ladies said the wisest thing I have ever heard. She said if people could only realize the value of forgiving each other they would be so much happier, and all that family drama would just go away. I said I agree - it's not that every family doesn't have issues - every family does. But some families wallow in it and other ones forgive and forget - and that is the only difference between the happy families and the dysfunctional ones. People need to recognize that they can't change anyone but themselves, so all you can do is just tell yourself to forgive and then release it. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to let them continue to do anything to you , it does not mean you don't protect yourself in the future from them, it just means you do not allow past acts to continue to eat at you, because that just creates a big place of pain in you.

Freud you're not. How simple minded this is, you have no idea what happens in some families, it's beyond forgiveness.

@JuJu Squeezie, I don't think happy housewife meant her post in a bad way. I think she meant that some things are just really hard to move on from and that can create rifts in families. I do understand what you're saying, though.

All I know is what she posts as fact. It's just her fact and not applicable to all families.

[NC Bandwagon]

Hello, JuJu Squeezie.

Misunderstandings can happen a lot. I do get what you're saying, though. Each family is different, each situation is different and how it's handled is different. Hope you have a good Thanksgiving.

[JuJu Squeezie]

On 11/20/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

Hello, JuJu Squeezie.

Misunderstandings can happen a lot. I do get what you're saying, though. Each family is different, each situation is different and how it's handled is different. Hope you have a good Thanksgiving.

Thank you NC Bandwagon, I return the hope to you and yours, Happy Thanksgiving.

[blackhole99]

It's easy for one to say they forgive, but hard to forget about being slighted and forgotten by family members. I have one of those families who have favorites, enough said.

[colliegirls]

On 11/20/2014 jubilant said:

On 11/20/2014 colliegirls said:

I am not sure that "forgiveness" is always the accurate description, often it is learning to live with it and moving on from it.

I understand what you mean, I think. I am not talking about everyday flaws that we all have and accommodating each other along the way. Yes, there are many things we need to overlook and just "get over it". If you can learn to live with someone who has many faults and can handle it and rise above it and maintain your sanity, great! If you cannot understand why every time you are around or with a certain person ....things go downhill....then you need to address it. We really do "teach" people how to treat us by what we do allow and what we don't allow whether we realize it or not.

I was referring to something major or tragic in one's life. Not always about forgiveness (I never say "get over it" if its major ), its more about removing yourself from the person or situation, perhaps getting counseling, and doing whatever it takes to survive or lighten your load. Some people are evil and negative and we cannot subject ourselves to them, no matter who they are.

In the case of a murderer, not many can forgive the perpetrator, but the survivors have to work around the pain to live. Some pain is really a life long struggle. There is no easy answer.

[VioletEyes]

On 11/19/2014 Complicated said:

I don't like the guilt inducing feeling that sometimes comes across when people tell others they need to forgive.

Like there is something wrong with the person that can't or won't forgive.

Too personal to make blanket statements, for me.

I agree. Well said.

[jubilant]

On 11/20/2014 colliegirls said:

On 11/20/2014 jubilant said:

On 11/20/2014 colliegirls said:

I am not sure that "forgiveness" is always the accurate description, often it is learning to live with it and moving on from it.

I understand what you mean, I think. I am not talking about everyday flaws that we all have and accommodating each other along the way. Yes, there are many things we need to overlook and just "get over it". If you can learn to live with someone who has many faults and can handle it and rise above it and maintain your sanity, great! If you cannot understand why every time you are around or with a certain person ....things go downhill....then you need to address it. We really do "teach" people how to treat us by what we do allow and what we don't allow whether we realize it or not.

I was referring to something major or tragic in one's life. Not always about forgiveness (I never say "get over it" if its major ), its more about removing yourself from the person or situation, perhaps getting counseling, and doing whatever it takes to survive or lighten your load. Some people are evil and negative and we cannot subject ourselves to them, no matter who they are.

In the case of a murderer, not many can forgive the perpetrator, but the survivors have to work around the pain to live. Some pain is really a life long struggle. There is no easy answer.

I see now what you meant and your right...there are no easy answers. Forgiveness is hard.