Community Chat

[Drythe]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

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@Auntiemay wrote:

I am an RN. You should NOT have to ask for referrals for your Mom when she's discharged. It is supposed to be part of the discharge plan. You can't take her home until all those arrangements are made by the discharge planner. She will need all services provided by Medicare, including Physical therapy and occupational therapy. 

Yes, I work in healthcare and I have had similar family issues and the story, as told, didn't ring true. 

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@Beautiful life  Sending Best wishes to you and your Mom.

@chrystaltree@ @Auntiemay 

Diacharge planning is not what it once was.  I was recently discharged from a major medical center with no after care planning.  My DH called my PCP and together THEY had to put together home care for me.  I was absolutely incapable of performing any ADLs for myself.

We asked 'hey help' on discharge day - they gave me the social worker's phone #.  She didn't contact us until 2 day later!

Rings true to me, many of us still working in health care know things are not what they once were.

[RedTop]

@Beautiful life,

I too am very sorry for the situation your mother is in, as well as how that affects you.   My own mother is in a precarious health situation right now as well, and our lives are filled more stress than usual.   

While I fully understand the situation your mother is in, and your emotional stress, I urge you to get your head wrapped around this situation, and whatever lies ahead.   For both of us, life is about to get very real and to the point.   We will both be challenged with making some very final decisions.

In my case, I am prepared.  After my dad passed, mom had several group conversations with us to get everyone on the same page.  My brothers and I have owned, and known our inheritance for many years.   Now it's just about taking care of mom.   

Remembering your past posts, I feel you have more challenges ahead.  I urge you to stop wasting time dwelling on things you cannot change, and prepare yourself to cope with what's coming.  Your mom needs you to be strong for her, and you need to know you were.   Best wishes to you.  

[vsm]

Oh my, Firestripes.  How painful this must be for you. Do you pray? If not, perhaps you might try, regardless of your faith. I often pray that prayer of old, "Lord, I believe; help me in my unbelief."  I pray even in the midst of questions and doubt. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and He tells us to "be not afraid," and to trust in Him.  This is not easy -- but that's what faith and trust and hope are all about.  I am praying for you now, and will continue to.

[SaRina]

Truth be told, when I saw the title of your thread, I tried to look away and ignore it... because I've been through it all and didn't want to re-live the pain (which I still do at times, anyhow).

One of the most difficult things in life is to see a loved one decline mentally and/or physically. I thought I was an extremely strong person in both regards to be a successful and loving caregiver, but discovered I was not as strong mentally or physically as I thought. It was a huge surprise and a huge blow to me. I learned that some people are not as equipped to take care of someone very close to them as others might be -- the closeness sort of interferes and actually stymies them in their efforts. That was me. In a certain sense, you have to be detached... and I was not very good at doing that.

I've had to deal with my many emotions in the aftermath and I (think) I understand better now. Just know that all your emotions are normal -- anger, guilt, sadness, despair, fear, hopelessness. Please monitor your own well-being and don't hesitate to ask for assistance before you fall into an emotional or physical abyss... and most importantly, don't EVER beat yourself up for doing your best.

I hope that others' experiences here give you some measure of comfort in knowing you are not alone. Sending my best wishes and prayers to you and your mom. 

[momtochloe]

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@RedTop wrote:

@Beautiful life,

I too am very sorry for the situation your mother is in, as well as how that affects you.   My own mother is in a precarious health situation right now as well, and our lives are filled more stress than usual.   

While I fully understand the situation your mother is in, and your emotional stress, I urge you to get your head wrapped around this situation, and whatever lies ahead.   For both of us, life is about to get very real and to the point.   We will both be challenged with making some very final decisions.

In my case, I am prepared.  After my dad passed, mom had several group conversations with us to get everyone on the same page.  My brothers and I have owned, and known our inheritance for many years.   Now it's just about taking care of mom.   

Remembering your past posts, I feel you have more challenges ahead.  I urge you to stop wasting time dwelling on things you cannot change, and prepare yourself to cope with what's coming.  Your mom needs you to be strong for her, and you need to know you were.   Best wishes to you.  

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@RedTop God bless your mom and your family for being prepared as it ultimately destroyed my relationship with my siblings.  I hope everyone that reads this takes a page from this and makes it their own and I wish you all the very best as it is never easy no matter what.

[NAES1]

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@RedTop wrote:

@Beautiful life,

I too am very sorry for the situation your mother is in, as well as how that affects you.   My own mother is in a precarious health situation right now as well, and our lives are filled more stress than usual.   

While I fully understand the situation your mother is in, and your emotional stress, I urge you to get your head wrapped around this situation, and whatever lies ahead.   For both of us, life is about to get very real and to the point.   We will both be challenged with making some very final decisions.

In my case, I am prepared.  After my dad passed, mom had several group conversations with us to get everyone on the same page.  My brothers and I have owned, and known our inheritance for many years.   Now it's just about taking care of mom.   

Remembering your past posts, I feel you have more challenges ahead.  I urge you to stop wasting time dwelling on things you cannot change, and prepare yourself to cope with what's coming.  Your mom needs you to be strong for her, and you need to know you were.   Best wishes to you.  

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       @RedTop

                I had just read through each post reply and have always accepted your truth and honesty, here, with many relies, but of course I have no knowlegle of every single one. 

What did get my attention is that very _same (almost same comment), or the guilt issue when working a long side if at any hospital...geriatics for sure.

You had mentioned one very important statement:

""""my brothers and I have owned and know our inheritance"""""

 I can speak candidily of you even though I do not know 

[NAES1]

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@RedTop wrote:

@Beautiful life,

I too am very sorry for the situation your mother is in, as well as how that affects you.   My own mother is in a precarious health situation right now as well, and our lives are filled more stress than usual.   

While I fully understand the situation your mother is in, and your emotional stress, I urge you to get your head wrapped around this situation, and whatever lies ahead.   For both of us, life is about to get very real and to the point.   We will both be challenged with making some very final decisions.

In my case, I am prepared.  After my dad passed, mom had several group conversations with us to get everyone on the same page.  My brothers and I have owned, and known our inheritance for many years.   Now it's just about taking care of mom.   

Remembering your past posts, I feel you have more challenges ahead.  I urge you to stop wasting time dwelling on things you cannot change, and prepare yourself to cope with what's coming.  Your mom needs you to be strong for her, and you need to know you were.   Best wishes to you.  

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       @RedTop

                I had just read through each post reply and have always accepted your truth and honesty, here, with many replies, but of course I have no knowlegle of every single one. 

What did get my attention is that very _same_ (almost idenital comment), or the guilt issue when working along side, if at any hospital...geriatics for sure.

You had mentioned one very important statement:

{{{{{""""my brothers and I have owned and know our inheritance"""""

 I can speak candidily of you, even though I do not know you know you, personally.

  Wait! YES!

Until there is an issue with inheritance or money and several siblings are involved with the WILL / post death, or who is gaining fruitful sums of money- deceased or alive?

 How many times have I been a witness to these situations and had to speak as an advocate. There are some that do this out of sincere love, and others, it is a nuisance.

     'Telling a story. Fantasy'.

When living with an elderly parent(s), and that parent becomes older or illness begins, then their guilt feathers start to shine like golden tokens of -     'I am the main one, or only one'. 

 At that time one should call upon their siblings for HELP with the care and decisions, also.

 ``Not forbid the family to stay away. It's all about money / ME-ME-ME and _I am in charge_. I have read of this only recently, here. Why IS THAT NOT BROUGHT UP? UNLESS THE FACT OF MONEY BEING SOUGHT...

 Yes,  there ARE medications for the ailing parent, also for the so called caregiver, especially when that sibling has free board and a stipen to gain from that parent. Does the caregiver or live in on medication(s)?

  What I read is that there are so many hidden agendas and fake informational clues for preparedness, that is never told.

  Best wishes for the very sincere caregivers that have a reason to do this, ` from the bottom of their true heart`.

99% of most believed Happening Now would probably be true, but isn't, in my opinion.

[fourpaws56]

I am truely sorry about your Mother. My Mother was only 58 when she passed. Try to make the best of the time she has left,I know it's hard but put on a happy face for your dear Mother......

[cherry]

God bless you both. I have been where you are now. If you need help contact,  Aplaceformom.com

I used them for assistance with my mother and they are wonderful. Mom was always clean and well looked after. She got  home cooked food, not nuked. Her bed and room were always clean.  It's never ideal when you have to look for assistance  from others, but there comes a time, when it's the best thing for everyone , to seek outside help.

Don't feel guilty.

[chrystaltree]

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@Drythe wrote:

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@chrystaltree wrote:

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@Auntiemay wrote:

I am an RN. You should NOT have to ask for referrals for your Mom when she's discharged. It is supposed to be part of the discharge plan. You can't take her home until all those arrangements are made by the discharge planner. She will need all services provided by Medicare, including Physical therapy and occupational therapy. 

Yes, I work in healthcare and I have had similar family issues and the story, as told, didn't ring true. 

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@Beautiful life  Sending Best wishes to you and your Mom.

@chrystaltree@ @Auntiemay 

Diacharge planning is not what it once was.  I was recently discharged from a major medical center with no after care planning.  My DH called my PCP and together THEY had to put together home care for me.  I was absolutely incapable of performing any ADLs for myself.

We asked 'hey help' on discharge day - they gave me the social worker's phone #.  She didn't contact us until 2 day later!

Rings true to me, many of us still working in health care know things are not what they once were.

Social workers usually are the discharge planners, the work in conjunction with the attending physcian who must order the supples, visiting nurses etc but it's the social workers who put it all together.  I don't know what happened your case but it's not at all the norm.  And in OP's mom's case, it would not happen because that women obviously can't live in a home setting without a lot of services.  I think in your case, you doctor didn't order anything that required the case manager prior to discharge.  He might have done it later but by then, you were gone and the discharge planner had to play catch up. 

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