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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,245
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother


@Beautiful life wrote:

I have been in tears for the last few days. Worried sick about my 82 year old mom. My mom went downhill a month ago after a fall. After her fall she went to rehab/nursing home came home and did ok, only a few weeks later in the hospital needing a pacemaker then again for rehab. She is so weak now,can't move on her own, cries of pain. Her dementia has gotten worse. She will be discharged soon and going to have her live with me. I can't stand to see her in pain. She's had lots of test, she's very underweight and sore everywhere. I feel like dying inside, I feel very guilty of having gotten mad at her in the past, I try my best but a lot of times drove me crazy. I see her most everyday and have my entire life but still feel like I failed. I love her so much and now miss her bothering me. I wish she would call me like before. 

 

I lost my dad 14 years ago and still very sad. 


 

 

@Beautiful life, you can't take back how you talked to her and resented her in the past. I've read a number of your threads dating back probably three years or so in which you stated your dislike of her and how you had to delay a vacation or something, she called you too much, wanted you to talk to her or come over on Saturday, wouldn't do for herself, etc., etc., etc. that you saw or talked to her M-F, and you were sick and tired of her. You were angry about a walker or cane or something. Anyway, I don't doubt that you "hollered" or screamed at her and told her off at least a few times. 

 

You can't change any of it. Hopefully, she has forgotten about all of that and you won't do it again. Probably the majority of us on the boards have tended to our parents or grandparents and were frustrated at times, especially when we had siblings who didn't do their share. Be happy that you have the opportunity to comfort her now.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,537
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother


@Auntiemay wrote:

I am an RN. You should NOT have to ask for referrals for your Mom when she's discharged. It is supposed to be part of the discharge plan. You can't take her home until all those arrangements are made by the discharge planner. She will need all services provided by Medicare, including Physical therapy and occupational therapy. 

 


THIS! 100%

Do not take your mother home until YOU are ready and services have been arranged.  Once she is discharged you will be too overwhelmed.

Get her pain address NOW.

Is your home ready and safe? Has the therapy dept done a home evaluation? 

The better prepared you are the less stress you will have in this very emotional time.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,775
Registered: ‎08-30-2015

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

@Beautiful life Please know that your mother and your family are in my prayers!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,295
Registered: ‎06-06-2011

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

@Beautiful life I could have written your story almost line for line. I am so sorry and please understand that many of us feel your pain. Please believe me when I say that you have nothing to feel guilty about. Life begins and continues on as we grow and we all do what we can with what information we have as the years go by. My mother and I were not close, but I still wish she didn't have to go through what she did. We lost her a couple of days before her 83rd birthday. I wish you well and God bless.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein
Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

@Beautiful life, I'm sorry your mom is unwell. You're so lucky to be close to her. I'm always terrified of anything happening to my parents because they live so far away.

 

If you mom is going to be moving in with you and has dementia, I recommend that you find a support group or therapist that can help you with this. Your feelings of guilt for getting mad are common and a support group or therapist can help you deal with that while taking care of your mom.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,658
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

@Beautiful life

 

Image result for sending hugs to you images

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,453
Registered: ‎02-02-2015

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

You've gotten some very good advice on this forum.  Know that being a caregiver is a difficult and stressful situation and it's normal to feel overwhelmed at times.  Start each day with a clean slate; we are all human and have regrets, put them in the past.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,305
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

I'm so sorry.

Don't do this alone.

Take advantage of whatever assistance you can get or consider a skilled nursing facility.

 

@Beautiful life

Valued Contributor
Posts: 932
Registered: ‎11-01-2010

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

@Beautiful life

I think you are an amazing daughter.  Taking care of an aging parent is hard and ungoing and the joys are few and far between.  If I were there, I would give you a big, big hug.  We are "sisters" (I am going through the same).  

 

The American Psychological Association estimates between 40% to 70% of adult caregivers suffer from clinical depression. 

 

We have reasons for our tears.  We have reasons for having a sinking feeling in our chest that never seems to go away. 

 

However...we have reasons to cherish our parents and the gifts they gave us.  It should be an honor and a privlege to take care of the ones that gave us life.

 

Oh, I hear you...walking the road we are on can be so painful.

 

My wish is for you to do little things that have made you happy, in the past.  (I get lost in my kitchen, attempting a new recipe Smiley Happy )   I believe it is important for me and I think it will help you.

 

I send you hugs Heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela
Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,835
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

@Beautiful life   You should look into a care facillity for your mom that focuses on Dementia patients.  My husband's 82 year old Mother is in one of these facilties and gets the best of care.  She is better off than being in a room at home with us trying to take care of her.   You should think about this and look around to find the nicest place.