Feel sad and depressed over sick mother

Beautiful life · ‎03-11-2010

I have been in tears for the last few days. Worried sick about my 82 year old mom. My mom went downhill a month ago after a fall. After her fall she went to rehab/nursing home came home and did ok, only a few weeks later in the hospital needing a pacemaker then again for rehab. She is so weak now,can't move on her own, cries of pain. Her dementia has gotten worse. She will be discharged soon and going to have her live with me. I can't stand to see her in pain. She's had lots of test, she's very underweight and sore everywhere. I feel like dying inside, I feel very guilty of having gotten mad at her in the past, I try my best but a lot of times drove me crazy. I see her most everyday and have my entire life but still feel like I failed. I love her so much and now miss her bothering me. I wish she would call me like before.

I lost my dad 14 years ago and still very sad.

Glittergal · ‎05-12-2010

My heart goes out to you. Dimentia is an awful disease. Please do not beat yourself up about getting mad--you are only human. This is a lot for you to deal with. I know you have done the very best you can, and it is so obvious how much you love your mother.

CatLoverDogsToo · ‎03-10-2010

@Beautiful life I am sorry you are going through this. I took care of my mother for several years. She was completely healthy and worked until the age of 86, then became very ill and things went downhill rapidly. It is so very hard to see a parent become frail and ill, and devastating to see them in pain. You are obviously a good daughter, and have been involved in your mom's life. You did not fail, please do not feel you did. You are helping her now when she needs you the most. I know it is easy to say this, and very hard to do. I feel like I didn't do everything exactly right either. We do the best we can, and that is all we can do. Your mother knows you love her. Many people in similar circumstances choose not to care for their elderly parents, you are wonderful for doing it. Bless you. I will be thinking of you. Take care.

“The price of light is less than the cost of darkness.”
– Arthur C. Nielsen

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Beautiful life wrote:
I have been in tears for the last few days. Worried sick about my 82 year old mom. My mom went downhill a month ago after a fall. After her fall she went to rehab/nursing home came home and did ok, only a few weeks later in the hospital needing a pacemaker then again for rehab. She is so weak now,can't move on her own, cries of pain. Her dementia has gotten worse. She will be discharged soon and going to have her live with me. I can't stand to see her in pain. She's had lots of test, she's very underweight and sore everywhere. I feel like dying inside, I feel very guilty of having gotten mad at her in the past, I try my best but a lot of times drove me crazy. I see her most everyday and have my entire life but still feel like I failed. I love her so much and now miss her bothering me. I wish she would call me like before.

I lost my dad 14 years ago and still very sad.

*****************

@Beautiful life

You are in so much pain, I understand how you feel. Your mother's hospital should have a social worker available to help you. Your mom may need hospice care.

Your feelings are natural, I still wish I could get another phone call from my mother.

3suwm5 · ‎06-15-2016

I am so very sorry to hear about your mother and her illness. It is very heartbreaking to watch such horrible diseases take their toll on our families.

You have been there for your Mother, she knows it and she loves you for it. It sounds like you have tried your hardest, at times, it may have felt like it wasn't enough. We are all human, we are not perfect creatures.

You have a big job in front of you, live in the moment and you will have all of these special days to remember, even if Mom can't.

The best of luck. God bless you both.

Sue in cincinnati · ‎03-24-2015

Dear Firestripes:

So sorry to read what you and your mother are facing in the days ahead.

It sounds like you will need all the support that is available. Someone

else had a good suggestion: talk to one of the hospital social workers

before you take your mother home. They can help you arrange for

a Visiting RN, Home Health Aide, etc... A caregivers support group

might also help you get through this, by giving you someplace to express

your feelings and receive unconditional support. Meeting others who

have experienced what you are dealing with, provides not only support

but ideas, tips, etc...on how to handle things better.

I found that home visits from a RN helped calm my anxieties when

caring for my husband. She was reassuring and I could call her

with questions or concerns. A RN can monitor your mother's

condition and contact her doctors for you if there are problems.

Someone else suggested looking into Hospice Care, which can

include not only inpatient care, but also home care from a hospice

RN and aides. Ask the social worker about a referral for a hospice

evaluation. I had this done for my father, and they were extremely

helpful and informative.

We will all be sending good thoughts your way. You sound like a

loving, caring daughter who has no reason to feel guilty. Your

mother is lucky to have you.

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

You are dealing with one of the most difficult situations. I know that seeing your mother in pain is horrible for you.

I understand your feeling guilty for getting mad at her in the past. You can't rid yourself of those guilty feelings, they are what they are, and you are human. I feel/felt the same way when my DH and my little sister were very ill. I regret that I did get mad at times but have tried to dwell on the very good things I did for them with a smile.

Do everthing you can now to ease her transition; she may be ready to leave you. What do you think?

Whatever you do, don't have any regrets. I believe you are actually grieving now.

Get help at home if you can.

honeybeagle · ‎10-19-2011

I lost both my parents 12 days apart from dementia. One from luey body dementia, the other from vascular dementia due to multiple strokes. Their pastor called it " Blessed Serenity". They were really not aware of their circumstances. It was hardest on those around to have to witness it. It is a blessing that they do not fully know the situation. Work close with the doctors in pain management and that will give you both comfort. God Bless you and your family

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

I am sorry to hear about your mother's failing health. DOes her doctor feel that she is ready for hospice care? IF so he will certify that she is eligible and you can get additional assistance from them. YOu also need to contract with a home health care agency for a aide to come in for as many hours a day as the budget will allow. She will need a hospital bed and a room with a bath on the first floor as stairs are obviously no longer a option.

As far as your guilty feelings I do not understand why you feel that way. HOw did you fail Her? IS there anything you did or didn't do that would have changed this situation in any way? Just what is that you think you should have done that is making you feel guilty?

YOur mother has had a long life and up until recently was able to live on her own. THat's more than a lot of people get.