Community Chat

[occasionalrain]

Should a host not barbecue meat because it upsets a vegan, not serve alcohol because someone is a recovering alcoholic?

I have an acquaintance who uses room freshners that are, to me, overwhelming, so I decline her invitations. I also decline invitations from those who require guests to remove their shoes upon entering.

[Cakers3]

There is too much focus on the one guest. Other guests may not be comfortable around the host's dog too.

As another poster stated, assess the invitation and if uncomfortable then decline the invitation. She already said she meets with this family to have dinner out during the year.

Does this son do well in public settings? 

The reason I asked about the age is due to the fact she posted about her sixteen year old son obtaining his first job at an outdoor park where dogs would certainly be around.  So she must have more than one son.

And FYI - one of my grand nephews is on the spectrum and works in a science lab in an experimental capacity.

Another grand nephew in preschool is also on the spectrum.

Two different families, two different scenarios.

I agree no poster should be telling the OP what to do or judging what she is not doing.

It was a simple question about a dog and we have seen this time and time again around here, especially at the holidays.

                                     🐕

Dogs over people.   👩

People over dogs.👩

                                  🐕

[Sooner]

So often when we see posts like this, I have a hard time wondering how people decide who has to bow to everyone else's wishes.

I also have a feeling that usually there are facts not given that might make the situation a little clearer for commenting.  But perhaps commenting not to the satisfaction of some.  

[jubilant]

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@Sooner wrote:

So often when we see posts like this, I have a hard time wondering how people decide who has to bow to everyone else's wishes.

I also have a feeling that usually there are facts not given that might make the situation a little clearer for commenting.  But perhaps commenting not to the satisfaction of some.  

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@Sooner I agree. My questions would be..just how autistic is this young man and how well-trained is the dog. I have a girl-friend with 2 autistic grandchildren. One needs a lot more "watching" then the other. As far as the dog goes, some are more highly trained than others.Both, however, may not be predictable so I personally  wouldn't take the chance. I would offer to put my dog up comfortably for a time.

[ValuSkr]

No doubt about it.  I would put the dog away for a few hours so the family member can visit in peace.

[Sooner]

And the whole issue may not boil down to the dog vs. family member.  It could be that some of the people don't get along dog or no dog.  

It also probably has its roots in incidents past, etc. etc.  Which would make the whole thing make more sense at least to me. But I'm pretty simple minded sometimes 

[occasionalrain]

When you are invited, you get to decide if the event is to your liking and whether to accept or decline.

What you don't get to make are requests/demands of the host.

This person is creating a problem for the host and for her dog. She is rude and lacking in basic manners. 

[RescueLover]

When I was growing up I had an Aunt who was extremely fearful of dogs. To the point where she would get out of her car walk down the sidewalk and just see our dog and scream and throw her hands in the air! Well as kids we held onto our dog tightly so that she could go inside the house. Something happened when she was a small child involving a dog and she never forgot.

I think these people hosting their party should make their guests feel comfortable and avoid the dog being around the fearful relative. The fear is too hard for them to overcome. I would do that for sure and my dogs mean the world to me!

[mrshckynut]

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@timeless wrote:

My child is horribly afraid of dogs.  He's had this problem for years and it's regardless of what type of dog or whose dog it is.  He refuses to go near them. 

Going out in public where dogs are allowed, he steers clear of them...WIDELY.

My question to you is this:  If you were hosting a family get-together where you hardly ever see someone who is afraid of a pet, would you find a place for your pet to hang out so your family member can come to visit you on a holiday? 

"Or would you not ask them to come"

Even if all other family was coming?

I would invite them, understanding that we have pets also as our family members

mrshckynut 

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[Sooner]

Everybody does what they feel the need to do.  Others make the choice about how they respond.  It doesn't always mean we have to assess blame.  And it doesn't have to mean that what folks have to do, decide to do, want to do, or just do has to be the right thing to do.  

It might mean we have to try a little harder to see where others are coming from sometimes.  And hope people will do the same for us.