Reply
Valued Contributor
Posts: 766
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Family, are you kept in the loop

I don't mean every little thing but major life events. It's just my sister and I in our immediate family so yes we do keep each other informed.

 

On DH's side, his sister's family, we usually don't know squat. Last year we got a call out of the blue from one of his brothers asking if we heard his sister's son-in-law died. we had no idea. Seems he had been sick for awhile and no one knew. Now, I understand they deserve their privacy but it's a heck of a shock out of nowhere. We weren't the only ones uninformed.  He was 51. We never knew another her other daughter got divorced two years after the wedding we attended. Now when it comes to showers, weddings and graduations amazingly everyone is included in the news.

 

In full disclosure, before Mom died I had a couple of uterine biopsies. Didn't tell Mom because she worried about everything. No point in upsetting her unless there was a problem.Sister and I agreed on this. I was fine so I'm glad I never told her.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,621
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

My family members inform me of events that they want me to know.  This works for our family.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,317
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

[ Edited ]

  @Retired Legal Secretary   DH & I gave up on family a long time ago. It seems like we are always the last to know everything.Except of course when they want to invite us to an occasion that requires a gift. 

  A while ago we got an invitation to a wedding.We were confused as the groom was already married.We attended his wedding 10 years ago!! It turns out he got divorced years before & nobody told us!! We didn’t go!!

   We now focus on dear friends who treat us like family.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,875
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

@Retired Legal Secretary 

 

If it's any consolation, you are not alone.  I've had similar experiences with family.  Even though I've been left out of the loop so many times, one would think I'd have tougher skin.  That is not the case and it still hurts.  Don't know why I've been excluded from major family milestones.  My DS tells me after-the-fact of these celebrations.

 

I decided I was going to focus on my wonderful circle of friends who embrace me like family.  It's been a wonderful experience to be at baby/wedding showers, weddings, anniversary celebrations and blessings of children.  They feel more like family than my own biological family members.  It has made all the difference.  I no longer wait for an invitation.  And, quite frankly, don't give it a second thought.

 

If I stop and ponder on this, it does still bother me.  I have chosen to focus on my friends.

 

Family dynamics are difficult to understand.

 

Know that you are loved and are a valued member of your extended family - they must not show it.

If your face brightens when you meet a friend, you have struck gold. - unknown
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,173
Registered: ‎07-15-2016

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

Yes .... but we all have rather quiet lives ... not much is going on.  

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,771
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

All it takes is a phone call once in a while to say "Hello-how are things going for you?".

 

Staying in touch is a good way to keep communication open.  I suspect when people are the "last to know"  they are also lax in their own reaching out and letting others know what is going on with them.

 

When a death has not been shared, there are underlying reasons why.  It goes both ways.  Either the parties involved are not on the best of terms or the ones who had information are not viewing others as really caring about them.

 

Send a card/flowers/whatever with SINCERE condolences and leave out the "we weren't told" speech.  The sorrow of those who lost the loved one is all that matters, not any sniff about not being told in a timely matter.

 

 

" Don't back down yet. It'll get brighter. Stand your ground like a veteran fighter." -Joe Pug
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,034
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

@pommom .....your situation sounds like mine.  Not much family to speak of, we are not close.  I have a close friend since childhood - they have embraced me as well as DH into their family celebrations....I don't know what I would do with out them.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 766
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

I don't mind so much the divorce not being told it's sad but not vital info. Don't spring the death of a 51 yr. old man we liked on us. Again, I know medical conditions are touchy, but we would have done anything we could to help. The last time we saw him he looked great so it was pretty shocking.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 766
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

@Cakers  When my husband had cancer I made sure his siblings were told what was going on with him. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,064
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Family, are you kept in the loop

[ Edited ]

@Retired Legal Secretary    My sister in law doesn't tell our side of the family anything,,,,, only her side counts.  My brother tells me things that he things are really important.  I often find things out when my brother's mother-in-law tells me.  

 

EDITED:   I see my brother once a week and we text each other often.  When I ask what's new the usual response is "nothing".... unless it is something major.