Community Chat

[rms1954]

I don't believe in those; my sister did one without telling the rest of our siblings.  I feel it is an invasion of my privacy.  

[mimomof4]

This is not an ancestery search but my cousin for the first 40+ years of her life did not know who her biological father was.  She had been led to believe it was the same biological father as her younger brother and sister.  Obviously all of the older relatives knew.  After my aunt had passed my grandmother told my cousin's father the truth.  

[Puppy Lips]

My SIL was adopted as a baby.  Years ago she somehow figured out who her biological mother was.  And, I kid you not, my SIL showed up at her mother's doorstep, unannounced.  The mom immediately knew who she was.

Her biological mother went on to marry and have a family with her husband.  (My SIL was born out of wedlock, from an affair during college.)

Her mother does not want her family to know about my SIL.  But, my SIL has stated that when her Mom dies, she is going to introduce herself to her half siblings.

Not sure what I would do in that situation, or if I think that is the right thing to do.  Seems to me she should honor her mother's wishes.

[Love to Run]

---

@rms1954 wrote:

I don't believe in those; my sister did one without telling the rest of our siblings.  I feel it is an invasion of my privacy.  

---

@rms1954 How is your sister's ancestery search an invasion of YOUR privacy?

[Desertdi]

My mother made some "deathbed admissions".....and if there's "more", I don't want to know the rest!!!

[chrystaltree]

This is one of the reasons why I have not and never will get involved with one of those genealogy sites. Several of us have shared with our relatives on both side that we are not interested in anything you find or don't find. In this case the aunt is dead but if she was alive.  Would her decision to place the child for adoption be disrespected, thrown in her face? Would her privacy mean nothing? I have a friend in similar circumstances who is hounded and harassed by the child she gave up for adoption. She thought she was doing the right thing for everyone with adoption. It was a private adoption and all parties agreed it would remain confidential. The adopting parents vehemently insisted on that. My friend was 19 and just wanted her life back. But promises were broken by the parents and the minister who put them all together. He gave out her contact information and she finds herself hounded and harassed by the young woman who wants a relationship with her. She won't accept that my friend doesn't want a relationship with her. Is only her mother biologically. My friend had to tell her young sons before they were ready. She met the girl twice twice but that probably did more harm than good because it gave the young woman....she's about 30 now....hope. So, I do have sympathy for people (almost always women) who have their lives blown apart by such sites. You are right, there are no secrets now.  

[kaydee50]

Have no desire to research my DNA or genealogy.  IMO, ignorance is bliss--LOL!!

[RollTide2008]

I don't think anything good can come of shaking my family tree.  I'm sure some kind of fruits and nuts are going to fall out that I don't want to know about.  

[JeanLouiseFinch]

No family secrets have been exposed this way, but we did have one that I didn't know about until I was in my twenties.  All the cousins seemed to know, but they were all older than me, the closest being 5 yrs. older.  I am the second youngest in our extended family so it makes sense that I was never aware.  It wasn't something that was openly discussed.  In fact, it was a non-issue. When I did find out, it was because my sister told me.  

[Boehm Collector]

@QVCkitty1    I did an Ancestry DNA test a few years ago.   Many of the matches were correct because I recognized the names.   One was a first cousin I had not seen or heard from in about 25 years.   We reconnected through Ancestry.  Since then we have kept in contact and met twice.   There is also a 2nd or 3rd cousin I didn't knew existed.  We got in touch and it turned out his maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother were sisters.  He lives in Massachusetts and I live in New Jersey.   But we both happened to be in Italy back in 2019 at the same time and were able to get together.   He took us to the town where my grandmother and father were born.  So because he took me to the town where my father was born, I met a woman in her 90's who knew my father's family very well.   My father and she had been childhood friends.   I was able to speak to this cousin's elderly mother a few times before she passed away.  She was so sweet and told me a lot about my grandmother's side of the family in Italy that I was not aware of.  There was something about my great grandfather's brother she told me that was awful..  But other than that it has been a pleasant and very informative experience.