FUNNY JOKES FOR ADULTS CONTINUED

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

21. And out of the chaos, a sentence came to me: "Laugh and be happy, it could get worse."... and so I laughed and was happy and it really became worse. (deep)

22. If you had to decide between diet or a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

23. Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.

24. A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.

25. Need something cool to say because you just slipped and fell? Yep, gravity still works.

26. My relationship is like an iPad. I don't have an iPad.

27. I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.

28. If I can lie still on the ground without having to hold myself, I'm not drunk.

29. They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.

30. I never do the same mistake twice. I do it six or seven times, just to be sure.

31. As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.

32. There are people who are living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.

33. When somebody doesn't get something: I'm sorry, I have neither the patience, nor the coloring crayons to explain this to you.

34. Finally, the spring is here! I'm so thrilled I wet my plants.

35. PART II

At a mental hospital: "Doctor Ferguson, what do you want us to do with the new arrival in room 18? He thinks he's a wolf. Doctor Ferguson thinks for a moment, "First rule is, don't let his grandmother in for a visit.

36. What do you get when you cross breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.

37. Police officer talks to a driver: "Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars."

Driver says: "Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage."

38. Q: Why do the French like to eat snails so much?"

A: They can't stand fast food.

39. I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets and handed me her iPad. The fly didn't stand a chance.

40. I've been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps to cheer up.

----

I went, but not one person would stroke me.

41. A man got hit hard in the head with a can of 7up. He's alright though, it was a soft drink.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

I've thought #21 most of this year....and then the derecho storm hit. I don't want anyone to say "it could be worse" again.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

@CalminHeart wrote:
I've thought #21 most of this year....and then the derecho storm hit. I don't want anyone to say "it could be worse" again.

@CalminHeart I hate to disappoint you but that phrase is never going away. And believe it or not "it could be worse." I have lived with it over and over again. For instance when I was my ex husband's punching bag, it "could have been worse" he could have killed me or disfigured me. But I understand where you are coming from.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam