FEELING DOWN - NEED A LIFT?

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

The following excuses not to go to work should do the trick.

1. An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill.

2. An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine in the drug store and couldn't get out in time to go to work.

3. An employee's wife found out her husband was cheating, and had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.

4. The employee said that he couldn't come to work because his fortune teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.

5. An employee was reaching for a falling sandwich and broke his arm.

6. An employee couldn't come to work because she accidentally got on a plane.

7. Am employee had a "lucky night" and didn't know where he was in the morning.

8. An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife's cousin's pet, because he was an uncle and a pallbearer.

9. An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn't leave the house to come to work.

10. An employee's false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

Ruby Laine · ‎05-25-2016

@Lindsays Grandma, I don't think I ever heard any excuses as good as these, but I taught nursing students for many years. One student had 3 aunts die in 2 months. I told him the next time he would have to bring in the obituary. No more family deaths!

Another student had to miss because she had a court date. She said she got in a fight with another girl and did "$800 worth of damage to her face. But she deserved it!"

That one turned out to be true...

I hope you are doing well, @Lindsays Grandma.

Meowingkitty · ‎06-19-2010

I used to work with a guy that over the course of a few years had over 100 different excuses as to why he couldn't come to work. We keep a running list and stopped at over 100 when he finally got laid off. He had to watch paint dry, screen door fell off, kid lost his retainer, wife wanted him home NOW! He had relatives coming over and had to was the car. It was something new every week.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

I worked with a woman who had so many excuses about why she couldn’t work but my two favs were...she had not been able to poop and the second fav...she drove to work and couldn’t remember how she got there so she went home.

Eileen in Virginia · ‎08-25-2010

In line with #1, I once had an employee who walked home for lunch everyday. One day he was heating a can of soup and a roach trap fell into the pot. He fished it out AND ATE THE SOUP. After he returned to work, he started feeling funny and told me what happened. His face was as red as a beet, so I sent him to the Health Unit and didn't see him for the rest of the day. As my eighth grade nun used to say, "There are some awfully dumb smart people."

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

OK, that must be from ages ago. People don't go into detail like that in the workplace anymore. Supervisors and managers don't care why people are out, we only want to know THAT they are out so we can make sure the work is covered. Once a woman who worked for got upset and offended when I said she didn't have to go into detail about why she wasn't coming in. She was taking a sick day so it didn't matter to me if she was on her death bed or had a hang nail. Either way, I was putting her down for a sick day and assigning someone to cover for her.

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@chrystaltree @If people are out often don’t you inquire why?They could be really sick or just sick of working.

Porcelain · ‎02-19-2014

@chrystaltree wrote:
OK, that must be from ages ago. People don't go into detail like that in the workplace anymore. Supervisors and managers don't care why people are out, we only want to know THAT they are out so we can make sure the work is covered. Once a woman who worked for got upset and offended when I said she didn't have to go into detail about why she wasn't coming in. She was taking a sick day so it didn't matter to me if she was on her death bed or had a hang nail. Either way, I was putting her down for a sick day and assigning someone to cover for her.

I'm sure you didn't mean to say here that it didn't matter to you if she was on her death bed. It kind of sounded like that, but I assume it was only about marking her as sick or not, not that you didn't care if she died...All the best managers I've encountered always put people first and showed they cared about employees beyond just how much work they could get out of them.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

qvcfreak · ‎03-10-2010

@dex I work for the State and we cannot ask any questions when it pertains to sick leave. We can, however, ask for a Dr.’s excuse when the person is constantly out.

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

Love @Lindsays Grandma's posts. I had a tech with a regrowing appendix. Must've been, since he had it taken out twice in two years. I had to laugh stating, 'c'mon people keep notes' .