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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,077
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Ever get caught off guard by a picture........

of someone who has died?  This weekend my sister and family came to visit.  She handed me a picture frame.  When I turned it over it was 2 5x7 pictures of DH with each of her grandsons when they were little.  I remember when the pics were taken.

 

I had everyone up one day during the summer.  The boys then, 4 and 5, each took a turn riding with DH on his new lawnmower.  Just around the flat yard in 1st gear. It was a slow ride but they loved it.

 

I don't know why it affected me so.  There are pictures of DH in the living room and I see them everyday.  This was well before his cancer and I think it just reminded me of a time before your lives changed so much.  They are great pictures but it was kind of a shock seeing him looking so healthy with that smile he always had.

 

Anyone else experience this?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,557
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........

Yes I have.  My DH passed away nine years on Christmas Day.  A friend of his showed me a few pictures he had of my DH and I got very emotional when I saw them because they were pictures that I had never seen before.  I came across an old answering machine that I could not get rid of because it has his voice on it.  I just listened to it a month ago and again, very emotional. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,317
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........

Aww...I understand, my dh is still alive but I get that same sort of feeling when I see photos of my parents.

 

When mom had cancer...at the time I told my self she was going to be fine, but when I see photos of her shortly before she died, she clearly was not fine.   

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,917
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........

I can’t imagine the memories of those carefree times would be easy to cope with when you are still raw with emotion over your loss.I hope that the next time you look at that picture your beautiful memories of that happy time in your life will be able to overcome a bit of the sadness in your heart.I had not thought about this before you mentioned it but I seem to avoid looking at pictures of happy times when my whole family was aroud..... I must subconsciously want to spare myself from the pain of loss I suppose.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,918
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........

My parents died within two years of each other.  I had tons of pictures and videos although it took me years before I could enjoy looking at that stuff.  A few months after my Dad passed, his sister sent me a box of old pictures.  Pictures that were taken when my parents were young, pictures that I had never seen.  There was even a picture of them taken before they were married, when they dating.  One picture in particular drew me in.  It was an Easter picture and from the date, I was 2 years old.  My parents looked so attractive  and elegant....and young in that picture!  They were dressed to the nines, my dad had suit and topocat and hat with a brim.  I thought he's dressed like Eliott Ness...LOL  My mom was wearing a lovely dress and with a floral hat and gloves and pearls.  I was seeing a moment in time when they had their entire lives ahead of them.      

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,077
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........

@Pecky   I've experienced the answering machine thing.  We have a machine but our handsets for the phone have one too.  I someone calls while I am on the phone the portable phones get the message.

 

I forgot he did the message and froze when I heard his voice.  I won't change it.

 

It's only been 5 months at the end of Oct. but it's getting harder not easier as time goes by.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,003
Registered: ‎07-21-2015

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........


@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:

@Pecky   I've experienced the answering machine thing.  We have a machine but our handsets for the phone have one too.  I someone calls while I am on the phone the portable phones get the message.

 

I forgot he did the message and froze when I heard his voice.  I won't change it.

 

It's only been 5 months at the end of Oct. but it's getting harder not easier as time goes by.


@CrazyKittyLvr2  I'm so very sorry about your beloved husband.  Grief is a very difficult journey.  I wish I could say something that could ease it for you, but I don't know what that would be.  For myself, I haven't found the words to help.  I do know that you have loved ones with you and people who care about you.  And we do carry our departed loves in our hearts.  I'm sending you my very best thoughts.  Take care, sweetie.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,612
Registered: ‎04-05-2010

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........


@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:

@Pecky   I've experienced the answering machine thing.  We have a machine but our handsets for the phone have one too.  I someone calls while I am on the phone the portable phones get the message.

 

I forgot he did the message and froze when I heard his voice.  I won't change it.

 

It's only been 5 months at the end of Oct. but it's getting harder not easier as time goes by.


@CrazyKittyLvr2  I'm so sorry it's getting harder for you! Do you think maybe it could be because you are still facing some "firsts" without him? When DH's parents & my mom died (all within 2 1/2 years) those first birthdays, holidays, etc. were the hardest. With the passing of time, and the making of some new traditions, the grief has softened. I hope the same for you!

 

Even after almost 11 years, I miss my mom most on her birthday & mine. We always talked on those days, either in person or on the phone.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,557
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........


@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:

@Pecky   I've experienced the answering machine thing.  We have a machine but our handsets for the phone have one too.  I someone calls while I am on the phone the portable phones get the message.

 

I forgot he did the message and froze when I heard his voice.  I won't change it.

 

It's only been 5 months at the end of Oct. but it's getting harder not easier as time goes by.


@CrazyKittyLvr2I know exactly how you are feeling.  The first year is not easy.  I remember thinking that I'm doing better I got through a couple days without crying.  Then bam I take a few steps backwards.  I was lucky that I had such a great support group with my friends and family.  I don't know what I would of done without them.  I hope you have the same support.  Be kind to yourself and as time goes on it will start to get alittle easier.  I have remarried (never in my wildest dreams thought I would) but not one day goes by that I don't think of my DH, the love of my life. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,077
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Ever get caught off guard by a picture........

Thankfully I do have a support system.  DD moved back when her Dad got sick and my son lives 4 miles away.

 

If I call my sister, we talk several times a week, and said can you come upshe would out the door.  She lives 85 miles away.  The day before he died DH was put on life support and we knew he wasn't coming back.  My sister was at the hospital within 3 hrs. She stayed and was with us when he was taken off the ventilator.

 

I have some great friends.  My closet friend lost her DH suddenly 4 yrs. ago.

 

I know it will take time.