Community Chat

[ROMARY]

The daily (or so) one-hour drop in visits from qualified local caregiving agencies isn't overly expensive. Most help with bathing/showering, or whatever she would like. Looking back, there are light housekeeping services, too, all within the agencies, which are licensed, etc. All legitimate. They pay their employees direct. They will send you their list of fees. Well, good luck, and hopefully everyone concerned will get along and mom will be content with what you have chosen to do.

[ROMARY]

I'm wondering if your mom is being driven by a neighbor to get her groceries. There are agencies all around here who have caregivers/drivers who will drive the senior to the supermarket, get the groceries, and place them into the fridge/pantry. So many services available. So far, I gather she has been doing fine with whatever she has been doing? I'm guessing that I'm 'used to it', because there are a lot of seniors around here who live alone. But they do have neighbors/friends who check on them, drive them places, etc. Most have housekeeping people once a week. And (usually their daughters) call them and vice versa three or so times a day, maybe more. Just to keep tabs on them, where they are, where they are planning to go and return, etc.

[Funtoshop]

I have just finished reading every post here. Boy does this all hit home for me. My mom is getting ready to turn 86 this month. Has lived in me and my husband's garage apartment since she retired in 1992. Was independent, drove to visit her twin sister up until about 10 years ago, when she fortunately realized she should no longer be driving herself. So I had been taking her every Friday to get hair done and visit her twin about 10 miles from here. Sadly my aunt passed away 2 years ago. She had severe dementia, so my mom said she felt she had sort of "let go" a little bit by bit since she could no longer chat with her a few times a day, etc. Anyway, recently my mom has developed some dementia. Been giving her medications myself by using a pill dispenser labeled a.m. and p.m., trying to keep her as independent with her own bathing, fixing her meals in microwave, with me fixing anything that needed to be cooked on a stove for her. About 3 weeks ago she went for routine steroid shot in her spine (has had about 7 of these in the last 3 years) and never had problem. This time her legs were numb, they let her step off stretcher and she broke her ankle. Took to ER, was broken. Put temp cast and discharged her to me and my husband ON CRUTCHES. An 85 year old with dementia, broken ankle, on crutches. Me and sister stayed at mom's apartment for 3 days but she got sick, had to admit her and then they found a nice rehab/sort of nursing home for her. Bad thing about it is she will not listen to the therapists/nurses, and the lady in room with my mom tells us "she is putting her pajamas on by herself, putting weight on that foot, etc." So me and sister looked into assisted living.

Still we have to get her cast off in 3 weeks, get her to cooperate with the physical therapy, and not sure about what happens then.

Me and sister did get power of attorney last summer due to the dementia. We were told it was good because did you know that anybody and I mean anybody can swoop in, and sweet talk/con your elderly parents to appointment them POA? I had it happen to my uncle's second wife after my uncle passed away. A lady swooped in, first saying she'd help "Jane" with errands, etc. and next thing we knew, she was POA and talked Jane into closing lease on her nice apartment, letting this POA and her grown children move ALL of Jane's nice furniture and things into their garages "for safe keeping" and then Jane decided she no longer wanted to live and they helped her basically commit suicide at a nursing home by not accepting food or water and "comfort measures only".

Trust me when I say, it can and does happen that "Joe Blow" down the street can convince your loved one to let them have power of attorney. See a lawyer.

My mom went with me and my sister to the lawyer's office. She did not balk at all about letting us get the POA and it has helped now with her current situation.

So sorry to be so lengthy here, but it is such a stressful time when our parents get elderly and they need us to guide them sometimes when they are trying sooooo hard to stay independent. They took care of us when we needed them and we must protect them. Hugs to you all

[qualitygal]

I will add, the Power of Attorney has been used more times than I can remember in assisting my father and what has to be done for him. Anyone should get this done whether for parents &/or their children, to help with your own care down the road. If no family, get one for someone who will be willing and able down the road to assist you with your care. It's a must have item worth it's weight in gold.

[ID2]

OP, just some friendly advice from someone who's lived through what you are going through. You may be convinced that your mom has all of her faculties but she is 92 and a 92 year old should not be living alone. That is a disaster just waiting to happen. She really needs to move in with a relative or an assisted living facility. I've been through taking care of both my parents, mom died 10 years ago, dad 3. Its going to be a bumpy ride. Good luck to you.

[ROMARY]

Usually county senior community services has a list of qualified in-home caregiving agencies. I'm guessing those particular ones haven't had any problems re: employees 'taking over' patients' finances, etc. Anyway, just to begin with, I would have a daytime at home caregiver, just to see how that works out. But keep in mind, that no honest lawyer would over-ride a client who is in a good mental state and 'sharp'-minded. From experiences here in our area, if a parent refuses care at home and/or being put into a facility, and is sharp-minded, the attorney will side with the client. As it should be, legally. All of us will be in the same situation, and if we are able, we should be able to live as we want, especially when we have the financial funds to do so. (Just throwing it out there, so to speak.) All in all, I would try to convince (in a nice way) my mom to have help at home for now. She might be surprised as to how much she enjoys the company. Some agencies' caregivers are qualified to drive their patients to supermarkets, etc. Find agencies that are completely insured, employee pay rolled, etc. (Just thinking out loud here..............)

[goodstuff]

On 5/2/2014 qualitygal said:

Goodstuff, you've been down the applying and being accepted for her for Medicaid road ahead of us. There's so much to learn beyond what we would have considered the norm, especially when relatives live so long and require more care than we physically can give. I wish more instructions were available for more people to be aware of. If there was something that still needed to be done in this life, that's one for darn sure! So head's up 50 year olds. Get proactive. There's stuff you need to know and learn about for caring for your relatives. Ten years or so will fly by. The time to prepare and get that knowledge is now. My folks were great in getting POA, setting up their wishes, getting wills, doing the life choice things and getting it in writing and notarized, visits with attorneys. But, they have no idea how long they will go on. They were able to plan up to a point, this is where the relatives come in. You taking over to help them out as they go on. Please, get yourself informed. RE: nursing homes, (you never think you will need one for them, or you). (By the way, they didn't do that long-term insurance) They saved and it's worked well. But when you get to Medicaid, you gotta know particulars, that I never found on line. Needed more answers and now we have an attorney assisting us. Please get informed.

DH's mom is a very independent soul and has rowed her own boat and paid for her own care (with a little help from us) all of her life. Now, in failing physical and mental health at almost 97, she needs financial assistance to get the care she needs, and deserves the help Medicaid can give her. We had an eldercare attorney help us review her situation and handle the application. The process can be complicated and very slow.

Having "watchful neighbors" or hired caregivers who drop in to help and check on your elders can be extremely helpful and can carry them through many challenges. However, when they get to the point where they cannot be safely left unattended at all and need 24/7 care and oversight, you're in a different place and need a different kind of care.

[BigOrangeKitty]

At her age she definitely needs someone to check on her, no matter how "fine" she tells you she is. Anything could happen at any time. The Senior Citizen Center usually has volunteers who will come visit the elderly or take them to dr. appts. You need to contact someone who can check on her and have your phone #. even if it's her neighbor. My local Senior Citizen Center actually calls the elderly who live alone just to make sure they're ok. I think that's a fantastic service, ask about it. As stated, they took care of us, now it's our turn.

[NanaS]

We experienced this with my Mother . after my Dad died she insisted on staying in their little apartment. She did not drive but was ambulatory. I lived 1300 miles away, my brother was about 5 min. away from her . He took meals, drove her everywhere, etc.. which made it possible for her to be "independant" as she put it. I would make several trips to see her per year and also came up when emergently needed. She was in Ohio, I was in texas. She refused to come to live with my husband and I. So after she started fainting and it was clear that her health was declining we decided apartment living was no longer safe or sensible.

So my dear brother and his wife moved her into their home. She lived with them for about 5 years and passed away at age 93.

SAFETY IS YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. IF YOU ARE GOING AWAY ON A TRIP DO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE VISITING ANGELS OR SOME OTHER AGENCY COMING IN EVERY DAY TO VISIT AND CHECK ON HER. THEY WOULD SEE AND DETECT THINGS THAT A NEIGHBOR WOULD PERHAPS OVERLOOK. AT SOME POINT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SWITCH ROLES WITH YOUR MOTHER AND ACT ACCORDINGLY IN HER BEHALF. GOOD LUCK.....ITS NOT EASY .