Community Chat

[proudlyfromNJ]

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@151949 wrote:

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@proudlyfromNJ wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

I don't go to obvious gift grab weddings and this one is screaming gift grab.Send back the RSVP that you will not be attending and absolutely do not send a gift.

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I don't know anyone who would have a "gift grab" wedding thank goodness. My friends are not like that. 

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My father was one of 16 children, so I have 52 first cousins and many of them live far away.Yet I constantly receive invitations to things for my cousins and for their children who I have never even met. Many of the cousins I haven't seen in 50 years. I call those gift grabs.

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I was simply stating that my friends and family aren't that type of people. I have never received an invite from someone I haven't seen in 50 years.

I guess yours are gift grabs.

[TeezNu]

Saddest things (to me) about all this is:

1) folks don't know or understand WHY it's tacky, or

2) they don't care that it is tacky.

[bri20]

I guess people are going to do these types of things as long as they can get away with it.

I'm sure there will be a lot of people willing to pay for their own meals. 

[chickenbutt]

Well, I guess that if I ever heard of a 'gift grab' scenario this would be it!

You could always eat first and then go to the reception and not eat.  hehe

I guess I could see that IF they could not afford to have a proper reception either dial it back and have something they could afford, OR have it a 'no gifts please' thing on the invitation, as another poster suggested.

I try not to dissect EVERYTHING for intention, but to have it where you pay to go to the reception AND they didn't indicate 'no gifts' seems - well, I'm embarrassed for them.

I kind of liked your idea of talking to your friend.  If nothing else maybe ask for clarification that if you are expected to pay, did they forget to mention the 'no gifts' thing - or?   I dont' know.  Maybe that's tacky, too.  But you would know better, knowing the exact relationship you have with your friend.

[151949]

There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.

My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well. 

[SaRina]

I guess they're expecting guests to pay for their honeymoon.

I'd bring a toaster.

Better yet.....bring a bag of Stroopwafels and say, "Congratulations.  Here is a Dutch treat."

[riley1]

Tacky, Tacky, Tacky! Are you going to attend? Personally, I'd pass and foget the fancy gift as well.

[ShowMe]

Have never heard of anything like this.  How cheap can people get......    If there was a response required,  I would definitely say not attending, and would think a second time if I were to send a wedding gift.  This is so inconsiderate on the part of the people responsible for the reception. 

[Goldengate8361]

I really like this idea! Makes a lot of sense to me.

[sunshine45]

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@151949 wrote:

There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.

My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well. 

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my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.