Downsizing and family members want nothing advice - Page 8

Snicks1 · ‎07-28-2012

First I will say that I am not overly sentimental about stuff. So, this will not be what some of the more sentimental here will agree on, but it's my 2 cents worth. I do have an item from each of my parents (those were given to me by my mom before she passed and I do value them greatly), I also have an item from each of my maternal grandparents, which I also value highly. My paternal grandparents passed long before I was born and lived far from where my parents lived, so there was nothing that belonged to them in our home as I was growing up. When my mother passed I did not want anything else, other than photos. Her style and mine were not the same and, I did not have room to store items that I would never use. My siblings all felt the same way. Everything was sold at auction, and after all final expenses were taken care of (I was the executor) the money was divided equally among all of us, along with the rest of the estate. What I do now, with my daughters (have no sons) and my grandchildren is, if I want to dispose of something in my home that has any value, I ask them if they want it, and give it to them now. I also give them things that they mention they really like or would like to have. They go home with it, on the spot. I have gifted them with sets of dishware, some furniture, decor items, etc., too much to list, and I can honestly say I never missed any of it for a minute. Believe me, when I go there will still be too much to be gone through and disposed of to for someone. Sometimes I look at a particular area (storage) and think I don't want anyone to have to go through this 'stuff', so I go through and thin it out, a little more each time. I hope at some point only to have what is used regularly, or on display left for family to deal with at that time. Or, as in the OP's case, if I downsize again, it will be so much more manageable for me.

"To each their own, in all things".

MacDUFF · ‎05-29-2015

@bonnielu

I just wanted to say that I feel for you, bonnielu...this hurts, and I'm sorry.

~~~ I call dibs on the popcorn concession!! ~~~

Susan in California · ‎06-02-2014

@bonnielu

I was touched by your post. I can imagine your cherished items are lovely.

But I'll tell you my story:

My mother died fairly young (55) and my father very soon remarried. He married a woman from Germany (a widow) with beautiful things herself. She had crystal, china, silver, antique furniture and a beautiful home. So what happened to my mother's things?

I took very little because my mother's taste and mine were very different. I kept a few items from my grandmother and great grandmother. But my older sister was willing to take my mother's furniture and many other "things".

Fast forward to today: my sister's home still looks like my mother's home. Her furniture is from the 1940s and although it is well made, it just looks a little strange in her home and always has. I was grateful that she took the things, but I have wondered at times if she somewhat regrets this. She never had a chance to really furnish her home her own way.

It does hurt when our kids don't want our things. But, I must admit I do understand that view as well.

The best to you in your down-sizing.

LUVNLIFE · ‎08-31-2015

Bonnielu- sorry to hear your feelings got hurt. They are your feelings so of course you are not overreacting. Hopefully you can find someone that will appreciate your belongings. Keep a small chest or dedicated drawer of photos, jewelry, blanket, candle sticks, etc. Some day they may change their mind.

An estate sale would allow you to price your items ( instead of a auction) and you will find people that will pay for the quality and the antiques.

sandy53 · ‎03-12-2010

@Beachy1 wrote:
Riley1, she's ignored all my time frames. Lol.

I'm sure you realize that she didn't ignore your time frame; you ignored your time frame.

Say Nay · ‎03-12-2010

Don't get rid of anything you value yet. I don't know how old your daughters are but if they're younger believe me give them another 10+ years and they will see immense value in what they're disinterested in today and clamor over themselves to keep it. Don't despair. Give them time. Just get rid of the "stuff" for now.

_____ ,,,^ ._. ^,,,_____

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

China, Crystal, furniture from 50 years ago or older? Sorry, but styles change and what was popular and attractive 50 or more years ago is not considered desireable today. Why do you want your daughters to take stuff they think is unattractive and not what they want in their homes just because you like it?..The days of formal sit down dinners with expensive Bone china and lead crystal glasses are long gone. Their taste is different than yours. Accept it and move on. Take the stuff to a consignment store or to a auction and sell it or take it to a charity.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

When my Mom sold our large family home, I was the only one who wanted anything. My brothers and sisters are really good people, and we have a warm and loving family. But none of them are as sentimental as I am. That's just the way it is. Not a big deal.

You can't force things on people who don't want them. All you can do is offer. It's up to them if they want to accept or not. We're all different. (Regardless of age/generation.)

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I wound up with a houseful of items after my maternal aunt, and grandmother died; mainly because I was "expected" to take them. Only a few things had sentimental value, but nonetheless, I carted them home. The small, most sentimental, easiest stored, items are still here, but the rest are gone. As the years have gone by and decluttering became a priority, I let them go.

Our local antique stores are filled with the same type of items you are trying to get rid of, and they have customers (many bed and breakfast owners) who are looking for certain items. I suggest taking pictures of the items for your memories, and then trying to sell them to an antiques dealer, for whatever you can get.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

@Beachy1 wrote:
When we were going through all of my mom's things, my sister insisted we keep so many things - things we'll never use. She refused to get rid of hundreds of cook books, linens, crystal pieces, China, silverwear. It's just taking up space in my basement because she doesn't have room to store it. She still won't let me get rid of 3 racks of her clothes. I'm so disgusted by all this stuff taking up room. I know she'll never use it. I don't want it. It's a burden...

I cannot understand why you have allowed your sister to bully you into storing all these things for years. If it were me I would go and rent a storage unit, hire a mover and put the stuff in storage. Pay the first two months rent and then give the keys and the contract to your sister. Tell her after 60 days if she doesn't pay the storage fee the landlord can get rid of the items. Then the ball is in her court.