Community Chat

[beach-mom]

@bonnielu - I'm with you.

Years ago my aunt gave me my great-grandmother's water pitcher. I told her I was going to use it, and she said that was fine. Every time I use it I think of my family. Then we broke up my grandmother's home, and as the only female of my generation, they gave me a lot. And I treasure it.

We moved here 20 years ago. One weekend when my mom and my aunt and uncle were both visiting, I asked them about everything and wrote it down. I have a house full of family antiques, as I am the "last of the line." I asked for the corner cupboard my grandfather had made for my grandmother as a wedding gift. I didn't know they were going to give me everything in it too!

I am lucky that DD is also conscious of the meaning of our antiques. She is willing to take them when she's on her own. I'm not sure about DS. I have a way to go.

Now - my closest friend has a similar situation, although she comes from a large family. (We're not downsizing yet - just trying to clean out.). She started and after a while she was getting rid of EVERYTHING. Her theory is her two boys (both now in college) won't want it. She is taking some to a thrift store and donating some. We are all amazed. Her home just doesn't look the same. The moving van could come tomorrow and she'd be ready.

I have another friend who does what some other posters have experienced. She got rid of her wedding china when she moved because it didn't go with her kitchen. "I" could never do that, but that's me! 

I know I need to get rid of some things, but my hope is my children will keep some items that are so important to me, and that they have grown up with. I keep telling DD that the Pyrex baking dishes my mom had are so much better than what you find today! 

[sabatini]

bonnie, I didn't read all the replies, but IMO, consign everything that's unwanted.

I recently moved cross country, and had to empty a huge old barn of a house. I too am sentimental, so had accumulated a ton of stuff, as well as a lot of my parent's stuff back when they downsized.

You've got to be ruthless - after all, it's just STUFF. Keep a few most treasured items & consign the rest.

What helped me to change my mind-set, was that at the same time, my aunt died. She'd lived in a big turreted house in a gorgeous, upscale sea-side town. Everything perfect, perfect. When she left to go to hospice, she walked out of that house with a toothbrush.

You truly can't take it w/ you, so....let it go.

[Sister Golden Hair]

I would sell it all and be done with it. And enjoy the money you get from everything.

[Hooty]

Unless it is antique furniture or heirloom jewelry, I wouldn't want it either, I've don't want anyone's "junk", I have enough of my own, I like new stuff!

Give your stuff to someone in need, there are plenty of people that have nothing, and they would appreciate it I am sure!

Think of the poor people in the Houston area that are losing everything they own!

[Marienkaefer2]

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@sabatini wrote:

bonnie, I didn't read all the replies, but IMO, consign everything that's unwanted.

I recently moved cross country, and had to empty a huge old barn of a house. I too am sentimental, so had accumulated a ton of stuff, as well as a lot of my parent's stuff back when they downsized.

You've got to be ruthless - after all, it's just STUFF. Keep a few most treasured items & consign the rest.

What helped me to change my mind-set, was that at the same time, my aunt died. She'd lived in a big turreted house in a gorgeous, upscale sea-side town. Everything perfect, perfect. When she left to go to hospice, she walked out of that house with a toothbrush.

You truly can't take it w/ you, so....let it go.

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@sabatini

I totally agree.  When my grandparents died within a few years of each other, they had a houseful of things.  We have a small family and we couldn't possibly use any of their things.  Plus, my mom (only child) and my siblings are spread out across the country and around the world.

Furthermore, it was very hard to find places in their area (NJ) to take a lot of their stuff.  We did find an auction house for the bigger pieces to sell, but a lot of the stuff that could't be sold we had to junk.

Yes, it was sad, but times have changed.  We don't live in the same era where families stayed in the same general area all the time, and people hand down things over time.

Or, most people starting out can afford to get their own household items.  It's not like 50 years ago.

I think the secret is to not accumulate so much to begin with. I understand the sentimental value, but you really "can't take it with you" and if nobody else wants it ????

[sabatini]

@Marienkaefer2, ITA!!

Things ARE different these days. My 'kids' are the Crate & Barrel/Pottery Barn types who but for a small thing or two, had zero interest in old fashioned stuff....and as you'd said, family is spread out all over the place.

My mom would've probably been devastated to learn that the old wooden highchair (that all her kids had used, as well as every subsequent grandchild) -  was tossed into a dumpster.

It had a heavy tray that swung up over the kid's head, & an old leather belt of our dad's was screwed into place to keep a squirmy kid in.

We'd all used it, & then all of our kids had used it.

Mom had bought it at an auction for a dollar back when she was pregnant w/ her 1st child.

It'd be considered a death trap by today's standards!

LOL!

[tends2dogs]

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@tends2dogs wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

I understand, it seems many people ,including family do not value what our decreased family members had, there seems to be no attachment in those members.

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Maybe I am the odd man out here, but my memories are of my parents and other beloved relatives.......not their stuff.

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When people are young(er) they often don't realize the regrets they will feel over some of the decisions they make. Someone here has already told a story of lost heirlooms because even though young daughters said 'keep' the mom didn't and then regretted it later.

And the 'things', having and using them, carrying on traditions with them, passing on the heritage with them, is not trivial to many. The things are not a burden, and 'not my taste' attitudes don't exist for many.

If someone doesn't want something, so be it, but those entrusted with certain family treasures take the responsibility to see them and the stories passed on as a very serious labor of love, and are indeed, deeply afflicted when it seems that their mission may fail.

Neither side is wrong, but what is lost, is usually lost forever in these cases, and those yet unborn will have no chance to have and love these things. (and I'm again talking about true treasures, not cabinets full of cheap things that just clutter other's lives. I never expect my kid to want my 'collections', but I do expect him to want, at least to pass on, books written by my dad, or the family Bible, or historic letters, etc.)

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@Mominohio  I agree about keeping or passing on something as memorable as a family Bible, cookbook with hand written notes, letters, etc.  I never got the impression that was what the OP was talking about.  Maybe I was mistaken.

[Marienkaefer2]

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@sabatini wrote:

@Marienkaefer2, ITA!!

Things ARE different these days. My 'kids' are the Crate & Barrel/Pottery Barn types who but for a small thing or two, had zero interest in old fashioned stuff....and as you'd said, family is spread out all over the place.

My mom would've probably been devastated to learn that the old wooden highchair (that all her kids had used, as well as every subsequent grandchild) -  was tossed into a dumpster.

It had a heavy tray that swung up over the kid's head, & an old leather belt of our dad's was screwed into place to keep a squirmy kid in.

We'd all used it, & then all of our kids had used it.

Mom had bought it at an auction for a dollar back when she was pregnant w/ her 1st child.

It'd be considered a death trap by today's standards!

LOL!

@sabatini

My grandparents had a high chair like that that came through the generations! 

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[Tinkrbl44]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

If they don't want it, they don't want it.  What you see as family heirlooms they see as old stuff.  Yes, all that stuff holds memories for you but in reality, the value is in the memories not in the items.  Yes, I had that experience with my two girls.  They were younger when we downsized, they didn't have their own homes but they were in their own apartments.  I also had things that were handed down from my grandmother to my mother and to me but my girls simply were not interested in chrystal and silver and china and lace tablecloths.  To be perfectly honest, I hadn't used much those things in years myself.  Times change and we all live more casually now.  I kept what I wanted but only what I knew I would use.  I also kept a set of china and some chrystal pieces for each of my daughters.  It's in storage.  I am hoping it will mean something to them when they are a little older.  I sold, gave away and sadly threw away a lot of things.  Things that held wonderful memories for me but I had no room for.  But I still have and will always have my memories, I don't need the stuff.  And it simply would not be fair or right to pressure my girls into taking it. 

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@chrystaltree

ITA .... not everyone wants old dishes and doilies.  Yes, some consider the pieces special, but if your taste has evolved into something else, there's just nowhere in your life or home for them.     I say sell them on Ebay.

[jaxs mom]

I don't think any of us that value our family heirlooms are saying people should keep every single item in anyones home. I certainly don't want all the nick nacks that my mom has collected over the years.

But yes, I do want my great grandmothers de Haviland china from the 1800s and maybe my moms cast iron candy pot and possibly a couple cookbooks. Probably not on the cookbooks because she apparently purged all the good old ones, so ended up buying them myself. I long ago was given the family recipes like my grandmothers pie crust recipe, and the Christmas cookie recipes. I would like some of the old photos but my mom has been good about making copies and giving me some over the years.