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Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,272
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

As I just posted on one of the other two threads:

 

Control, control, control.

 

And, I'm only guessing that he's allegedly been overly praised (a cover up). 

 

I've seen that before, and it's very counter-productive.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,941
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

[ Edited ]

The only person responsible for Gabby's death is her killer, which points to Laundrie.


The police did discuss domestic violence with Gabby; should he have been arrested right there?  Probably, although I'm not sure if an arrest would have been valid.  Gabby would have had to press charges, and the slapping, etc. was based on a call to 9-1-1.  Should it be enough?  We say "yes" but the law gives leeway.

 

We do not know if Laundrie had been arrested that it would have kept Gabby alive. 

This relationship was escalating in violence; locking him up would have been a temporary fix but it could very well had caused him to become even more angry at the thought of Gabby "winning".

 

I do not picture Gabby leaving on her own with him in jail.  She was dependent upon him on many levels.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,272
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

Yes, (allegedly) dependent on him. 

 

At the very least, she said (more or less) that she didn't want to drive the van.  

 

Probably dependent on him in other ways, too. 

Could have been that she had somewhat 'low' self esteem, etc. 

 

Well,  more background information about her and him will eventually be brought to light, so to speak.

 

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,776
Registered: ‎02-13-2021

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy


@Kachina624 wrote:

@gertrudecloset    We don't know, do we? 


@Kachina624  We most certainly don't.  No more than we know if your scenario is true.  I did say "maybe" somewhere in my qualification though.  I didn't make it as a factual statement.  She's such a tiny thing, but little women are known for having some spunk.  I hope she got her digs in him if this is the case.

 

A man should never hit a woman, no matter what.  If she was abusive towards him, then he should have left her.  This is not a two way street here, imo.





A Negative Mind ~ Will give you a Negative Life
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,555
Registered: ‎01-04-2014

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

A man should never hit a woman, just as a woman should never hit a man. Men should not hit other men, just as women should not hit other women. People should not hit, but they do. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,776
Registered: ‎02-13-2021

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

I was taught that regardless, a man should never hit a woman.  He is the stronger sex.  Of course no one should hit another, but men have more of a societal duty to protect women.  Those are my values and I like them just fine.





A Negative Mind ~ Will give you a Negative Life
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,151
Registered: ‎09-12-2010

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

Excellent points regarding this horrifying issue of domestic violence and Gabby's story. I was a victim with my first husband that began when I was in college and ended after an 8 year marriage. I think one of the biggest lessons to be learned is that too many women believe the guy will change. After all, he always apologizes afterwards and swears it will never happen again! I was a fool, and of course it kept happening over and over until I finally took control of my life.

 

The other issue is that too many women are afraid to tell their family because they're ashamed. I was not raised in an abusive family - my parents loved each other and me, and I always felt loved and respected with them.. I was ashamed to tell them that I had made a horrible choice for a husband and I was paying dearly for it.

 

Lastly, any young woman (like Gabby) who decides to move into her boyfriend's family home with him needs to rethink that decision. The family will hide their son's problems and will always support him first. Believe me, they know all about their son's volatile personality.

 

So many things have changed over the years with the recognition of domestic abuse, but unfortunately too many women still end up in this same situation. It should be easier to leave domestic abuse now than it used to be, but unfortunately we have a lot more work to do.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,248
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

It is called hindsight.

 

Unless you are living with those two and been in their skin, would you be able to know exactly what's going on in their lives.

 

We know what people say and what the media says.  

My guess (because that's all any of us can do...is guess) is that she probably was going thru her manic state.  He may have tried to calm her down and he accidentally killed her.

 

Then he panicked and made one wrong decision after another.  

There were so many wrong decisions made by everyone.  Looking back now it's easier to see them.

 

On what planet is it a good idea for someone who suffers from manic depression to go on a road trip across the country with another young person.

 

Stress was definitely not Gabby's friend.  It's hard enough for a person not suffering from depression to travel like these two young people were doing.

 

My youngest daughter has traveled across the country with her dog alone and sometimes with her boyfriend and dog.

 

She has said it's not for the faint of heart.  I'm talking about sleeping in a tent and/or sleeping in a tent that fits on the roof of a car.  She's also slept in her car with her dog.

 

Telling us(her family) about her ups and downs has had us asking.."Why?  Why in the world do it"?  Her reply is, "She likes the challenge".   As her mother...I shake my head and pray that she stays safe.

 

I realize they are considered adults.  However, her family should have done everything in their power to keep her home.

 

His family should have said,"Are you crazy?  Stay home and get ready for the wedding"...if there was really going to be one.

 

I have a daughter that has been diagnosed as manic/depressive.  I was raised by an

Aunt that was manic....and suffered all her life with deep depression.  She eventually died in an institution.

 

It's hard to make them understand that they are feeling better BECAUSE the medicine is helping them.  So often they go off their meds or the meds will stop working.  That's when the Drs work with the patient to find other meds that will work.

 

It could have been any number of these things.  It sounds like she may have gotten out of control and, while trying to calm her down he hurt her.

 

He should have never been trusted with her care.  That dear sweet girl should still be here with those who love her.

 

I think perhaps he lost patience with her.  It takes a lot of patience dealing with and loving someone who suffers so much.

 

I've come to understand there area lot of people suffering with deep depression. 

This COVID brought it to the surface with people who never suffered before.

 

It's a good thing that it's out in the open that it's OK to get help.  It's a good thing that there is more help than ever before.

 

Maybe with this story being on everyone's lips, it will open dialogue with families.

 

One more thing.  I wish the same publicity would be offered to other people...not just cute young blondes.

 

Depression doesn't care what color you are, if you are cute, rich or poor.

 

Everyone should get the same help as afforded to Gabby.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,941
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy

I'm not sure but I would think that the autopsy can determine previous injuries consistent with abuse.

 

I think the authorities are keeping some facts very close to their vests.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,776
Registered: ‎02-13-2021

Re: Domestic Violence Awareness Site Posted Lessons to Be Learned from Gabby's Tragedy


@Annabellethecat66 wrote:

It is called hindsight.

 

Unless you are living with those two and been in their skin, would you be able to know exactly what's going on in their lives.

 

We know what people say and what the media says.  

My guess (because that's all any of us can do...is guess) is that she probably was going thru her manic state.  He may have tried to calm her down and he accidentally killed her.

 

Then he panicked and made one wrong decision after another.  

There were so many wrong decisions made by everyone.  Looking back now it's easier to see them.

 

On what planet is it a good idea for someone who suffers from manic depression to go on a road trip across the country with another young person.

 

Stress was definitely not Gabby's friend.  It's hard enough for a person not suffering from depression to travel like these two young people were doing.

 

My youngest daughter has traveled across the country with her dog alone and sometimes with her boyfriend and dog.

 

She has said it's not for the faint of heart.  I'm talking about sleeping in a tent and/or sleeping in a tent that fits on the roof of a car.  She's also slept in her car with her dog.

 

Telling us(her family) about her ups and downs has had us asking.."Why?  Why in the world do it"?  Her reply is, "She likes the challenge".   As her mother...I shake my head and pray that she stays safe.

 

I realize they are considered adults.  However, her family should have done everything in their power to keep her home.

 

His family should have said,"Are you crazy?  Stay home and get ready for the wedding"...if there was really going to be one.

 

I have a daughter that has been diagnosed as manic/depressive.  I was raised by an

Aunt that was manic....and suffered all her life with deep depression.  She eventually died in an institution.

 

It's hard to make them understand that they are feeling better BECAUSE the medicine is helping them.  So often they go off their meds or the meds will stop working.  That's when the Drs work with the patient to find other meds that will work.

 

It could have been any number of these things.  It sounds like she may have gotten out of control and, while trying to calm her down he hurt her.

 

He should have never been trusted with her care.  That dear sweet girl should still be here with those who love her.

 

I think perhaps he lost patience with her.  It takes a lot of patience dealing with and loving someone who suffers so much.

 

I've come to understand there area lot of people suffering with deep depression. 

This COVID brought it to the surface with people who never suffered before.

 

It's a good thing that it's out in the open that it's OK to get help.  It's a good thing that there is more help than ever before.

 

Maybe with this story being on everyone's lips, it will open dialogue with families.

 

One more thing.  I wish the same publicity would be offered to other people...not just cute young blondes.

 

Depression doesn't care what color you are, if you are cute, rich or poor.

 

Everyone should get the same help as afforded to Gabby.

 

 


She mentioned to the police that she's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which causes anxiety @Annabellethecat66 .

 

None of us know what her actual diagnosis was.  No one has confirmed a thing.





A Negative Mind ~ Will give you a Negative Life