Community Chat

[riley1]

I'm not sure moving to NC is going to help solve your missing your grands. Although the winters are milder, you will still be quite a distance. I agree with @KathyM23 who gave you somewhat of a schedule to help breakdown so much alone time.

We are 12 hours away from our grands - can't move back as I can't afford NJ taxes anymore - but that's life.

[Sooner]

Here are some things to think about:

Do you always expect your children to travel to see you as you age?  How much do you really expect to see them come to you with activities,jobs and lives of their own?  How fair is it to expect that?

Do you think they will be there for you every time something happens to you as you age?  How much of a burden do you think it will be?

How much do you think they will worry about you as you age?  Is that a burden for them?  

Read a lot of the threads here about aging parents and think--what am I doing to my kids?  

It is a decision that is not just about how you feel, and how you would like to live your last years.  Maybe they would like to live somewhere else too, but jobs and other factors prevent it. 

AS YOU AGE, who is going to make the sacrifices (BIG ones) of time, distance and stress.  WHO is going to be responsible for keeping the family close?  Somebody will have to. 

Just some thoughts. 

[Mominohio]

You have experienced a lot of change in a relatively short time.

I think the best thing you could do with this situation would be to take some time and consider a lot of different options. 

Money might be a big factor, in that buying/selling/relocating frequently can be very expensive, and a lot of work. If you are not independently wealthy, you may need to take some time to choose what will be the best option, and not make a mistake about the next move. 

Also you will need to keep in mind that the lives of your children and grands could change, along with their locations, due to jobs, health and inlaw family situations. They may not stay where they are, and you moving closer may be for naught if they pick up and relocate. 

Also being closer to them may not net any closer relationship or more time spent together, as their lives are probably very busy with lots going on. I think a lot of retired parents miss their family when they have distance between, but have to realize that the times spent together a few times a year are so great because it is so infrequent. People tend to be on their best behavior, people aren't getting on each other's nerves or into business that they shouldn't simply because of the distance and short times together. Living close kind of erases the boundaries.

You are faced with a very real and tough situation. Being alone to make the decisions isn't easy. I wish you luck, and think you should take a lot of time, talk to everyone about your feelings and plans as well as theirs, and consider many different options. Best of luck and I hope you find the perfect solution.

[PinkyPetunia]

@Ditzydori     You sound pretty happy in Florida except for not seeing your grandkids.  I would try to get back to the northeast more often for visits.  Airfare is pretty affordable IMO.

Moving to NC doesn't seem to make much sense to me. If you don't want to move to NY/NJ then you are better off staying in FL.

[dulwich]

So very sorry for your sad loss.  

I know how you feel I miss our daughter and grands very much and DH and I are en route now moving back to be with all our family.  Everyone in CA children, grands and now one great grand us two being - as the kids keep telling us - the only ones not in the family!  "Come home" is all we  hear.

Not a sudden decision been here 15 years but while we have good friends I miss my family very much.  Yes you can visit - but air fares getting very expensive and DH cannot undertake 2 days driving anymore.  I miss them all a lot at the end of the day family is very important for us and DH and I looking forward to being with them all again.  The Holidays this year will be great.

Hope you find your happy solution soon.  Take care.

[Miss Shelly]

Can you snowbird in FL and spend the warmer months with your kids?   You could divide your time between the 3 of them for the months of June/July/Aug/Sept (Florida's hottest).  

As someone mentioned fly to visit them for Thanksgiving and Christmas unless they would like to travel to you then.

I moved to FL from PA in 1985 to help out my sickly mother.  My children were born and raised here.  They are now grown and have both moved to the Las Vegas area.  I am an only child and both parents are dead and so are my husband's.   DH has many siblings in PA, OH, WV and always thought we would use some land we still own in PA to snowbird.  However, we are starting to think of our retirement (we are 59) and will most likely make the move to be close to our girls.  Luckily the weather will suit us.  

I agree with the person who said not to rush into a decision.  Take time to think about your choices, talk with your kids, and try out your plan.  

[homedecor1]

@Ditzydori

Every day I long to return to NJ where my gd, children, family & friends are☹️.  I moved here for spouse and he loves it!  

I miss everything from my job to the seasons to everyday family moments.  Such as, this weekend is my nieces bday -- having big get together & Ill miss it🙁.  It was just planned yesterday -- I'd go but flights are $$$.

Living here is a challenge everyday thank goodness for Skype as I talk to my gd (who is 6) everyday.

My biggest problem is making "friends" is not as easy as I thought.  Most have "their" friends already & I have a few ladies I play cards with who are acquaintances but certainly not friends.  (One that you can call and go out with)

It's hard to be here esp. during holidays.   It's difficult to be far away ...and I thought I might not go this year but I couldn't think about everyone together & me here.  

My spouse-has has no desire to travel "home" so when I find cheap airfare I go -- sometimes every month!  I know financially I couldn't afford 2 homes and live my lifestyle.

I'm glad he doesn't mind I go away a lot.  It is the best "therapy" to see my family if I have to live here.

I know you can't live for your children but I just want to be near them (we are really close & I didn't thoroughly think this move)  If something happens to spouse I already told my kids I'm going home & will rent my villa.

I love the snow & cold so that's not a issue for me!!!

[michigangirl723]

@Ditzydori

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. That must be so hard, prayers sent for you.

My husband and I moved to Phoenix 3 years ago for his job. It has opened up some amazing opportunities career wise for us, but we are the only ones here. Both of our families (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc) are all in Michigan, except for my sister, who is now in Houston. It is very, very hard and we are now in the position that if /when we decide to start a family, we have decided to move back. Neither of us can imagine having a child living across country from all family and close friends. I lived 10 hours away from extended family growing up and that was hard enough only seeing cousins, grandparents, etc only twice a year, let alone once or less a year now....

[Catiele]

We have vacationed in Florida quite a few years. Always enjoyed our time in Fl. We have friends there that wanted us to buy. Had several chances to buy. Have to say at some point my husband would get homesick. We chose to be home and with our children and grandchildren. Have never regretted our decision. There are days in the winter I would like to be there. Maybe a week or two. Or more!!!!!

[Laura14]

@Ditzydori  I just wanted to add as someone who was born and raised in your area and lived in NC for a short time that "milder" winter is relative. 

They may not get our snowfall totals but they also do not have the equipment we do to clean it up. 

Understand that a 1-2" snowfall in NC shuts them down for a week or more until it literally melts so if you are thinking you will be more mobile in winter in the Carolinas, you possibly may not be depending on what they get for the season and what they have to treat the roads.

Just wanted to add that in to your big decision.  It may not be much difference if it's the winter weather you are worried about.