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02-09-2019 03:35 PM
Had "we" allowed her to be it would have been my m-i-l from the get go.
When she started telling us how to decorate our first apartment, he told her to myob and that was pretty much the end of that!
02-09-2019 03:42 PM
I don't deal with people like that in real life. I refuse to.
On this board, there are some domineering people. A few of them are gone now - banned, I guess. I do not miss them at all.
02-09-2019 04:19 PM - edited 02-09-2019 04:20 PM
My aunt was married for 48 years to a man who would not allow her to wear makeup or style her hair, dress in slacks, or have friends. He married her in 1928 and never allowed her to change with the times. Their home was stuck in the depression era in 1966. When he passed she came alive; bought cute clothes, went to the salon for a modern hair style, wore some blush and lipstick, and forged a social life. I was so proud of her.
02-09-2019 09:39 PM
@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma I personally don't equate jumping when someone talks a sign respect .I would feel bad if my children felt they had to do that when I talked to them.
I avoided Ole Frankie Boy like the plague as much as I could without hurting my Aunt's feelings.
Perhaps I should have worded it differently, they listen to her when she speaks, they pay attention to her when she speaks and sometimes even do as she says even if they don't agree. Saying they jump when she speaks shouldn't be taken so literally.
02-09-2019 09:45 PM
My sis, sis-in-law and mother-in-law. I know. They taught me how to set boundaries and the art of teaching people how to treat you. 'Be Silent, Be Safe' works nicely for me now that I set boundaries.
Good, generous people -- just the smartest, bossiest people in the room.
Boundaries are a beautiful thing. I had to learn that when I married a man with 5 head strong sisters, who didn’t like anyone who came into the family.
02-10-2019 12:35 PM
I was sheltered growing up and so there were times during my young adult years I let people kinda walk on me. But over the years I’ve come into my own and I’m much more assertive now. When I first got married I let DH handle all bills and financial decisions. He was much better at it but over time I learned. I handle my own checking, savings, retirement investments. But I now help him at times with his business, too.
I guess there’s a diff between those who like to be the boss and take control AND those who are mean when they’re in control. The last few years of working I got a new teammate. She liked being in charge so I let her. She was very organized, a go-getter, and I didn’t care to play the power game. My life was easier because of this. Folks used to ask me how I could get along with her but it was easy. I let her be the boss. She wasn’t mean, just opinionated. Fine by me as her opinions were often in line with mine. And when they weren’t I let it roll and did my own thing. She was more forceful about voicing how she felt. Not always a bad thing at work meetings! 😉
02-10-2019 08:12 PM
I had the sweetest, most loving, caring mother. But - I also had a madman, crazy father. He earned little money so my mother had to go to work in the early-1950s when all the other mothers were home waiting for their children to come home from school. I was the oldest of 3 children. My mother worked at her full-time job, came home to cook dinner (no frozen foods then); cleaned the apt, and was always smiling. My father was always angry about something (that didn't exist); yelling at my mother for no reason; never complimented her about anything. We lived in Brooklyn, NY.
I got to the point, I was afraid to leave my mother home alone with him. I started protecting my mother. One day, he held a table lamp over my head - then I told my mother, it's time to leave. They were married for 28 very long years.
My mother and I took off to California and left him all alone.
He past away around 10 yrs ago and I didn't even care.
02-11-2019 04:55 PM
I'm so sorry for any physical abuse or threat of it that many endured. I never saw or heard of my Uncle doing that. Frank just thought he was "King" of the castle and he decided hiow things . He just just a total horse's a**. My Aunt was no shrinking violet with anyone else but didn't say boo to him.
02-11-2019 04:59 PM
I thought about this question all weekend.
I do know of a domineering person. my late dad was horrid. you did what he told you OR it was your life. was it domineering or plain meaness not sure.
he ran the show, what he said was the rule. it was his t.v., he watched the shows he wanted. only 1 t.v at our house growing up, he would just come into the t.v. room and change the channel no matter what you were into, he would sit down and watch all his shows. most of the time it was boxing. that is what we watched 90% of the time growing up. You didn;t talk back complaining if he was in alousy mood, you probably would have gotten a whipping.
he was nicer when i was younger, it was when i got older he changed. he would beat the ****** out of me constantly this was with a belt. that quit when i was in 6-7th grade. my mom condoned this, was she scared of him,not sure, but she said nothing to stop his temper when he got going .
was it his job or his brain tumor (which was discovered when I was 20 right after I got out of nurse school (I was on my own and engaged at this time). his job when i was younger was shift worker at a 24 hour company (manufacturer), then he got his degree in accounting, he became a white collar worker. he changed. how long he had this brain tumor we don't know, he lost his hearing in one ear which caused him to see a hearing doctor which found a blockage which lead to more testing which lead to surgery which found a massive thousand tentacle brain tumor.
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