Community Chat

[sassenach1]

No one knows everything about me - not that there is anything big or horrible - there is no need to share everything with everyone.  My SO does not need to know everything I think or do. 

If someone tells me not to tell something, I am good about honoring that. 

My good friend feels the exact oposite:  she tells her SO absolutely everything.  She will also share way too much (IMO) with her boss. 

[occasionalrain]

...

[MickD]

 .....I'm not telling......wink, wink.....

[Moonchilde]

There are secrets, and there are secrets.

Child abuse, for example, physical, emotional and secksual, is most certainly a "secret" for abusers, their victims, and very often spouses. Victims are told "It's a secret. You must never tell anyone" so many times that it's ingrained in them.

The "secret" would harm the abuser and the abuser's spouse (mother/father) as often the spouse knew, and/or did not or would not have intervened. So when the child is an adult, and the abuser is dead (or even if they aren't) and it's healing to tell someone, so that others finally *know* what formed you, should you "keep" the secret, or help to heal yourself? Especially if society, or the rest of your family, thinks the abuser is a saint/great guy?

Some people have secrets they had no part in creating or fostering.

[MaggieMack]

@Moonchilde, those kind of abuse "secrets" came out in my family when my dad was 84 or 85. I rejected the abuse as a young girl, but my older brother and sister did not. When my dad found out about it, he wanted to go to my uncle's (by marriage) grave and dynamite his remains to smithereens. I fortunately reasoned with him. Thankfully, those secrets aren't kept as much today. Or, maybe I should say it appears more child predators are outed.

Those kind of secrets should NEVER be kept secret. The damage the adults go through hearing about it is nothing compared to the children who have endured it.

[Moonchilde]

---

@MaggieMack wrote:

@Moonchilde, those kind of abuse "secrets" came out in my family when my dad was 84 or 85. I rejected the abuse as a young girl, but my older brother and sister did not. When my dad found out about it, he wanted to go to my uncle's (by marriage) grave and dynamite his remains to smithereens. I fortunately reasoned with him. Thankfully, those secrets aren't kept as much today. Or, maybe I should say it appears more child predators are outed.

Those kind of secrets should NEVER be kept secret. The damage the adults go through hearing about it is nothing compared to the children who have endured it.

---

@MaggieMack, I agree completely.

I just thought it bore stating that some have secrets that they had nothing to do with except being a victim of the secret, and to give pause to those who say they would never reveal a secret, period.  We might be sure what *we* would do, but I wouldn't pass judgment on others about their secrets.

[Tinkrbl44]

I am not harboring any major secrets, but I am a bit of a privacy nut.    

I think in terms of "need to know".   If someone asks me how much money I make, or how old I am, and I don't think they need to know, I have no problem with not telling them.   

As for other things, I'm not plagued with "having to vent or confess" this or that.   I am also a very good keeper of other peoples' secrets.   

I've never understood some peoples' obsession with telling everything on facebook ..... they sell that information about you to countless marketing companies.  Why else would you think facebook is FREE?

[Moonchilde]

---

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

I am not harboring any major secrets, but I am a bit of a privacy nut.    

I think in terms of "need to know".   If someone asks me how much money I make, or how old I am, and I don't think they need to know, I have no problem with not telling them.   

As for other things, I'm not plagued with "having to vent or confess" this or that.   I am also a very good keeper of other peoples' secrets.   

I've never understood some peoples' obsession with telling everything on facebook ..... they sell that information about you to countless marketing companies.  Why else would you think facebook is FREE?

---

FB has no need to "sell" information. The ads one sees on their FB page are based on information people have posted themselves. Vendors pay FB to advertise.  FB gets its money *from advertisers.* The advertising is based on what users have "stated" in their posts and what they click on. So worst case scenario, if you post about divorce your ads will be from divorce lawyers.

If you post "I'm a 34-year-old divorcee with a 5 year old,  a dog and 2 cats and I live at 2121 Morning St in Dayton, OH", YOU are putting your info out on the internet, not FB. FB does not "sell" names, email or other addresses, SS #s, etc. Their advertisers simply target ads to *what people post of their own free will* just like every other website on the internet.

[feline groovy]

---

@sophiamarie wrote:

---

@GCR18 wrote:

Yes, I have secrets I've never told a sole and probably won't.

---

*************************************************************************************

Have you ever told a heel?????

I have a great sense of humor, but your intention was so unnecessary.

Typos and other errors happen to ALL of us.

[deja vu]

I do keep secrets...I have too. I cannot trust my husband to keep all my secrets.