Do you have a relative that leaves you scratching.... - Page 11

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

I surely do!

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@BlueFinch wrote:
@NYC Susan Your assessment is just as speculative as mine was, based on what we've been told. And that's just what mine was -- a 'maybe' for the OP to ponder. Only she would know if any of it could fit.

All individuals and families have psychological dynamics. When used this way, it means feelings and emotions driving interactions and personal behaviors. Not that someone is mentally ill, although that happens, too.

Money issues rule at the top, for driving family apart. Family intervention is often necessary when they witness what they feel is reckless spending.

Heavy spending doesn't always mean someone is full of joy, just making their wishes come true for a happy evermore. Instead, it's often how people fall into trouble and eventually regrets.

Of course I don't know any more than you do about this woman or her life. What you said didn't sound like much of a "maybe" when you added, "She sounds like she's searching for approval from the outside, of her home and herself. There are some psychological dynamics at play here".

What I said is that it's perfectly possible she has no interest whatsoever in impressing others, and is simply using her money to create a nice home environment for herself. And that IS possible.

Not everyone who does things differently than we do is in need of intervention and psychological help.

I worked in the mental health field for a long time, and I have no patience for people who psycho-analyze strangers. You have never been face-to-face with this woman, and yet you've decided that there are "psychological dynamics at play". She could very well be more psychologically sound than the OP - and you - and me.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Gorgf wrote:
Money and it's use or misuse is value orientated. I recall my Mother tisking about her Mother putting newspapers on the floor to extend its longevity and getting a silver mirror resilvered being a waste. A woman raising 6 kids alone in the depression and she had quirks. I recall my other Grand mother telling me my Mother was wasteful. A little bit of bathwater and a ,little toilet paper. She remembered the dust bowl and lack of water.

I remember a Dear Abby column where she talked about how all of us have penny pinching habits. She admitted to using a Bobby pin to get the last bit of lipstick out of a tube. I am sure she could have afforded many new lipstick tubes.

That Depression-era mentality still lives on. I have an elderly close relative who has a ton of money. She lives in a beautiful penthouse in an exclusive NYC building. But she orders half-sandwiches when she goes out to lunch, and she holds onto every little duck sauce packet she's ever received in a Chinese food delivery order. She hasn't been in a cab in years - She walks in the rain or waits at bus stops in the snow instead, even though she has difficulty walking and other health issues. Plastic utensils are washed and used over and over and over. (We toss the ones that have clearly seen better days when she's not looking.)

She throws pretty much nothing away for fear that she will "need it". That fear - the worry about having to do without - is very firmly ingrained.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Carmie wrote:
@Jaspersmom I am the person who has a big family and there are no noticeably odd habits that I know of. My mother was one of 8 and my father was one of 11...everyone of them had lots of children.

i have never scratched my head over anything any one of them has done.

I also don't think your mother's habit of reusing aluminum foil is an odd behavior. It was a normal behavior for people of a certain age that lived during hard times. Just about everyone can remember their grandparents or parents doing this.

My whole family lives pretty well..no hoarders, no houses falling down, no spending money they don't have. Of course I don't know follow every inch of their lives, but outwardly, they all seem pretty normal. No one sticks out as an odd ball and makes me scratch my head.

Same here. I don't always agree with choices and decisions some of them make, but I'm sure they don't agree with all of my decisions either. We're not a perfect family at all, and there has been some minor drama from time to time. But there's no one I would consider odd or strange.

We're pretty close, but we're not into every detail of each other's lives. I don't know or care how much family members spend on landscaping. Or what kind of bank accounts they have. Fortunately, we have much more interesting things to talk about.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Free2be wrote:
IMO, there is no comparing the cost of a common toilet part (and it is irritating they cost as much as they do) to professional landscaping (an art form) that includes stonework (another art form). There's also no indication here that this woman did not fix her toilet or that she allowed it to be at any time inoperable. This thread is really very sad for what it tells. I hope this woman thrives, her yard should certainly turn out to be a pleasure for her during her remaining years in that house. May her toilet continue to operate as it should, also.

I was just about to say the same thing. The OP said her cousin questioned whether or not she needed the part. I might question it also. Can it be fixed without a new part? What exactly does this part do? Would a more expensive one be be better or last longer? I like to be informed about such things, and maybe she does also.

I didn't see anything to indicate that she decided not to fix the only toilet in the house. It sounded to me as though she just asked a question before spending money. I would too.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:
@Cakers3 I never gave this woman a thought until I saw her this past 4th of July. I hadn't seen or spoken to her in years. This about 6 weeks after DH died and I didn't get a hi,how are you? I got I'm surprised you're out and about with xxx just dying.

I was at my sister's w/family not out at a night club. From there she commented on what I had on, what I put in my mouth, bashed my niece's clothes and complained the 2 and 4 yr. old who were spalshing in a kiddie pool no where near her.

So, no I don't feel bad putting my 2 cents in. She may have been left a substantial amount of money, but no anywhere neart Getty or Rockefeller substantial. She doesn't have or never did have common sense. She is book smart but not in common sense.

If I believed her father could see how she is spending the money he valued more than people it would tickle me pink. Forget rolling over, he would be doing cartwheels.

I'm glad she got the money everyone thought her Dad was doing to have it packed in the casket with him. He was a terrible person. I have no respect for someone with money but takes advantage of his church's food bank. He took food that someone could have used instead of spending his own money.

If you hadn't spoken to her or thought about her in years, why are you so interested in what she does and doesn't do? You clearly dislike her pretty intensely, and you have virtually no contact. Wouldn't it be better to just put her out of your mind and go about your life?

She seems to be a source of gossip for you, nothing more. All of that negative energy can't be good.

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:
@Trinity11 She doesn't see me perplexed. My sister told me about it after spending the afternoon with her.

Last time I saw her was 4th of July at my sister's. She spent the day critizing everyone, even 2 toddlers.
Then this is second hand knowledge? She never directly spoke to you about it?

This was your sister speculating about your cousin's fiances. So then you decided to share it on the world wide web. Got it. LOL

@Trinity11 You are aware this forum is anonymous, and that @CrazyKittyLvr2 is doing exactly what this forum was designed for posting various thoughts and topics.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@manny2 wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:
@Trinity11 She doesn't see me perplexed. My sister told me about it after spending the afternoon with her.

Last time I saw her was 4th of July at my sister's. She spent the day critizing everyone, even 2 toddlers.
Then this is second hand knowledge? She never directly spoke to you about it?

This was your sister speculating about your cousin's fiances. So then you decided to share it on the world wide web. Got it. LOL
@Trinity11 You are aware this forum is anonymous, and that @CrazyKittyLvr2 is doing exactly what this forum was designed for posting various thoughts and topics.

@manny2, actually I know nothing of the kind. It isn't nearly as anonymous as you may think. But post your thoughts and topics to your heart's content certainly I am not stopping anyone from doing so. Have a pleasant evening...

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

@MaryLamb wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@MaryLamb wrote:
@GenXmuse wrote:
I don’t really make a habit of gossiping about people. Who is to say what is odd?

@GenXmuse It’s a goood point to bring up here. The point is that I don’t believe anyone who starts threads like these intends to do any harm. These forums are anonymous, so threads like this are just fun ways to discuss the human condition without anyone getting hurt. Those who say “mind your own business” or jump on the OP just don’t get it and are looking to be critical. It’s just meant to be innocent conversation and exchanges illuminating common human experiences.

I don't think the OP intended any harm either.

But those of us who are saying she should mind her own business do have something valid to say. What we're saying is that everyone is different, everyone has their own priorities, and it's unkind to judge the lives and decisions of others. There's no need to pick at every little thing people do. Her cousin is making her own choices, and the OP is overly critical because it's not the choices she would make. There's nothing really odd or even slightly humorous about her situation. (If there was, the replies here would have been completely different, and this thread would have been filled with people sharing funny stories.)

Far better to live and let live. I don't see anything wrong with reminding people of that.
@NYC Susan I don’t have a comprehensive knowledge of the OP’s history of criticism toward others in her life, so I’m just going on the fact that many times when I see any contributor post an experience they’re having, they often encounter many “mind your own business” replies. Since everything is anonymous here, and contributors might just be looking for some opinions on how to deal with kin, I just think it’s unnecessary to attack them for opening up the door for opinions. I think people take these type of threads too seriously and actually enjoy jumping on the people who create them, simply because they look for reasons to be critical. Like I said, it’s anonymous, and we all have special situations we have to deal with loved ones, so I would expect a little more compassion and empathy for fellow contributors.

@MaryLamb I agree with you, this is a forum to address topics anonymously. The critical posts speak volumes about the poster behind the key board.

jonbon · ‎03-09-2010

@Carmie wrote:
@Jaspersmom I am the person who has a big family and there are no noticeably odd habits that I know of. My mother was one of 8 and my father was one of 11...everyone of them had lots of children.

i have never scratched my head over anything any one of them has done.

I also don't think your mother's habit of reusing aluminum foil is an odd behavior. It was a normal behavior for people of a certain age that lived during hard times. Just about everyone can remember their grandparents or parents doing this.

My whole family lives pretty well..no hoarders, no houses falling down, no spending money they don't have. Of course I don't know follow every inch of their lives, but outwardly, they all seem pretty normal. No one sticks out as an odd ball and makes me scratch my head.

Absolutely ... which means that I do so on occasion myself!