Community Chat

[SeaMaiden]

@Imadickens  Thank-you for your kind post and sharing your story

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@Imadickens wrote:

@SeaMaiden. I am so sorry! I, too, have been through a very long separation from family I loved more than my life because they wanted ALL of my grandmother's estate! The sad part is I would have gladly given them all of it. Money meant little to me compared to the love I had for them and the lifelong dream I had of living near them and being a part of family holidays and day to day living, good and bad! My mistake was thinking they wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with them. When they tried to steal my grandmother's house from her while she was alive ( her words, not mine) things were said that broke the family right down the middle. Those things were so vile that it took 20 years before anyone spoke! Only after they learned of my mother's terminal illness did her sibling phone. By then, it was too little too late. Oh, we spoke, politely, (at least WE were) but what was broken just couldn't be fixed. So, it's not just you, or us that have gone through this. I'm sad to say it's probably more common than we know. I'm sorry for you because I share your pain. I hope you have handled it better than I did, it really nearly killed my side of the break! God bless you!

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. @Imadickens 

 I feel rather numb about the whole no family thing.  It has been so many years of not speaking that I do not feel any family ties to anyone now living( my two  sisters). My older  sister is and always has been a bit crazy. Probably Today she would have been called manic and not right, but ,  nothing was ever done about her.  She is my older sister by 9 years.  I really do not ever want to see her again.

 My other sister is 4 years older than I. We parted when I was 16 and she moved out and got married. She wanted out of the house as it was pretty messed up with the crazy sister running it. The crazy sister pretty much ran my Mother out of the house as well... so It was just my Father and my crazy sister and  little me trying to stay sane. LOL!  My older sister after running my Mother out of the house, took care of my Father like a wife... she lived at home well into her late 20's. 

My Father passed away last year.  I was not invited to the memorial... and the crazy sister wrote  up the notice leaving my name out as one of the children.  I am just done with them all at this point. I received nothing and really could care less.  

I am good, my life is good. Not having family ties is just all I know. So there is no feeling sorry.  I am a surviver and chose to break away and make my own life.  All is well  

[CLEM]

I never knew either one of my grandfathers and hardly knew my father's mother.  I remember her having lots of red hair and really being a fun women.  The few times I saw her growing up she usually gave us a piece of jewelry like a bracelet.  But no sooner did we get home, then my father (the fun guy) took it away from us because he didn't want us to have anything that could make us vein. 

I did grow up on the farm my other grandmother had.  This was in Germany after WWII.  Anyway, this grandmother did not talk much just always worked.  One year she went to visit one of her sons in a remote area and I was allowed to go with her.  There was no public transportation, so we walked leaving at the crack of dawn.  And we walked and we walked some more through fields, forrests.  It was so beautiful and peaceful seeing lots of wild animals and listening to birds.  Sometimes a farmer came by and let us sit at the back of his wagon so we could rest our feet. We finally arrived toward evening.  But I always remember this beautiful walk and my grandmother and I am glad she let me come with her.

[ID2]

This isn't a good memory but while my new dh and I were away on our 2-week honeymoon in Hawaii, when we returned I found out my grandma died and my 14 year old cat died. I cried for weeks. 

[RedTop]

I have wonderful memories of both sets of grandparents.   I still live on land that was part of my paternal grandparents farm; I sit on my front porch and look at the farm, thinking of the way it was in the 60's and 70's when they were alive.    I spent a lot of time with Grandma and Grandpa, who along with my dad were very hard workers.

My maternal grandparents also lived in this neighborhood.  Mamaw was a Sunday School teacher, and Papaw worked on the railroad.   We went to their house every Saturday and spent the whole day; Mom and her sister cleaned the house, and made several of the foods we would eat for Sunday dinner.   The whole family gathered there after church and the preacher and his family ate with us at least once a month. 

My paternal grandparents were older, and passed away first.   By the time I was a teenager, my maternal grandparents had health issues and needed someone with them more often, and that someone was usually me, because I could cook, clean, do their laundry, and help more with their specific needs.   In the summertime, I slept upstairs in the small bedroom, and in the winter I slept on the hideabed in the living room.   I caught my regular bus in front of their house and got to wave at my mom when the bus stopped at my house to pick up my brothers.  

To this day, if I have trouble going to sleep, I close my eyes and think back to lying on the bed upstairs on a hot summer, moonlit night, staring out the window and waiting for a cool breeze to blow thru.   It was not unusual to see wildlife scurrying across the back yard that extended to the big pine trees where we played in the shade.   Owls would be hooting in the background, and on very clear, quiet nights I could hear a train whistle.   These thoughts are very soothing and always help me fall asleep.     

[SunValley]

My grandparents spoke very little English, and children were to sit quietly while the adults visited. We did not live close by so saw very little of either set of grandparents. They were lovely people but there was no relationship between them and me or my siblings, and they died by the time I was 8. I had more than 45 cousins on my mom's side, and I am not sure my grandparents could have picked me out from a group of children. So I have enjoyed reading the lovely experiences others have with their extended families. Nice that so many of you had those loving arms around you!

[kitty60]

What a great topic.  As many of you have experienced I grew up in a two family house. Mothers parents and my uncle lved upstairs and we lived downstairs.  My cousins lived two houses up the street.  It was so much fun.  My mothers parents were so loving (the huggy, touchy type.)  Mom died when I was nine and we then moved in with dad's parents.  They were much sterner but boy I still knew I was loved beyond all means.  I was fortunate enough to even know my mom's grandfather and dad's grandfather.  They were all from such different backgrounds and showed their love in different ways but you felt it the same.  I now have two granddaughters and I love being with them and doing things with them.  I am also careful to not "compete" with dil mother.  We all love the kids and they know it for sure.  Hoping to make lasting memories.

[HappyDaze]

I agree with @SunValley in that it is nice to read about others' experiences with grandparents. I really envy those that have/had grandparents that spent alot of time with them and did fun things with them and taught them things. We lived far away from both sets of grandparents and other family members so we didn't get to see them often so I don't have really many memories and those that I do, they are either not very good or neither good or bad.

My grandparents never really seemed to interact with us grandkids much. I think they came from a time and place that grandparents were more like disciplinarians and you don't really play or do things with your grandkids. Grandkids helped around the house doing chores and things like that and they weren't really included in conversations much. I remember being only about 4 years old and my grandma making me and my siblings pick up the glass in her backyard (her yard backed up to an alley). Yes, you read that right. Glass. No kidding, to this day, when I break a glass and I see it on the ground, I freeze and panic a little. Flashbacks, I guess as I cut myself a fewl times until my parents realized what was going on and put a stop to it!

Sadly, I don't know much about my grandparents.I wish I knew more. They just didn't talk about things like that much. I only have one grandparent left now.

I see the way my parents interact with their grandkids and they are amazing and I wish I would have had grandparents like them (luckily I DID get them as parents!)! They love to spend time with them and take them to do such fun things and they get to experience new things. They teach them things and engage in conversation with them regularly.  They will have great memories of their grandparents and that makes me happy. I am sure it feels wonderful to be loved and cherished by your grandparents. I am sure it is a very special feeling.

[Imadickens]

@SeaMaiden. It sounds as if we both learned how to deal with our situations! I guess it's more prevalent than I knew! My "family" knew how much I wanted to be with them, to be a real part of the family yet when they planned a huge family reunion (they really did it up big from what I hear...printed bound family history books, printed programs, etc) and, like you, my parents and I were completely omitted from any of the history or family trees! When we showed up at my grandmother's funeral ( we drove 18 hours to make it to a funeral they planned so we couldn't be there!) I introduced myself to the minister and told him who I was, he could have been knocked over with a feather! It seems they "forgot" to tell him we existed! Like you, I finally learned to live without them. I know exactly why it happened .( it was my Uncle's wife and cousin's hubby...they wanted to inherit everything! My grandmother bought in with them. That's where my pain came from...the other two weren't worth my tears!) but story is way too long and con eluded to go into! I only hope you have a new support system with you now! My children and grand have taken all the pain away! Thanks for your post!

[dex]

I didn't have grandparents and I was always jealous of my friends who did.I remember in the first grade a friend took me to her grandmas for lunch and we were treated so special.She called us ladies and made a special time of it.We had fancy cut up sandwiches and a drink that contained a whole strawberry and gave us a straw to sip it.She used her good china and special glasses and put flowers on the table.I felt like a queen at her house and always wanted to go back to visit.

[RainCityWoman]

My dad's mother lived with us and raised me, so I have many, many wonderful memories. She was a salt of the earth woman who was raised by a Scottish mother and a German father with four siblings.  They worked their way across the U.S. from New York to Washington state. She was born in Colorado. She did everything: fabulous cook, seamstress, household manager, child nurturer. She read to me, took me across town each week for dance lessons, made costumes for my recitals, went to all the PTA meetings, worked on charity for her Chapter at church, volunteered to work the polls at election, and stuffed envelopes for her political party. The only thing she never did was drive a car. I have nothing but loving memories of her, and to this day, when I get really sick, I silently call for my grandmother to help me get well, the way she used to do when I was a kid. And I almost forgot, she passed on to me some very funny and/or earthy Scottish sayings, like "She doesn't know beans with the sack open and her head poked in."