Community Chat

[Cakers3]

*shrug*

It's a phone.  Dialed by a spouse.    What's the big deal?

And why did I take the time to even post?

[suzyQ3]

SMH.

"Man hating"??? Baloney. I'm starting to think that any progress for women will be quickly stymied by those who are uncomfortable with women bringing these issues out into the open.

BTW, "man-hating" has always been thrown at women, all the back to the Suffragettes and much before that as well.

[Mominohio]

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@Laura14 wrote:

@Mominohio  Keep reading the thread.  I refuse to post it a third time. 

Your final snap judgement of my post indicates the same about you.  You chose not to read the whole thread before commenting.

There was no "finding fault."  There was an honest question asked since I'm not psychic and have no idea what's going on at the other end of the phone line. 

I gave my impression of what it sounded like.  I was given some other legitimate perspectives of what it might be.    

Finding fault and judgement appears to be rampant both ways.  I will never apologize for asking a question and I will never be ashamed of being ignorant. 

We are all ignorant about a lot of things until we aren't.  At least I have the courage to put my ignorance out in the world and on this forum and say "teach me."   This is what this looks like to me.

That is the farthest thing from being shallow.  It's called deep thought and personal integrity by questioning if the reaction I am personally having is correct or not.  You may want to try it for yourself. 

I did it publicly.  My choice. 

And as much as everyone who sits behind a keyboard wants to believe they have most of the answers, I believe those of us who can admit we still don't and are still learning are lightyears ahead of the game.

To those who did have the answers that I hadn't found yet on this topic and shared them with kindness, again, thank you! 

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I indeed haven't read the whole thread, but your original post did much more than question, it judged, accused, and drew conclusions with little or no insight to what was actually going on with people you simply had contact with over the phone. 

I have read enough to see a number of posters have no understanding of the kind of love and devotion some people have for others in their lives, and willingly and joyfully do for and give to them. 

There is no personal integrity in making the accusation that women you don't even know their circumstances, are being mistreated in front of you. You are drawing some wild conclusions and attempting to inflame a battle against injustices that may not even be there, based on some over the phone interaction. 

Questioning is good. Making up scenarios about the relationships/mistreatment between people you have no real knowledge of is irresponsible. 

[Laura14]

@Mominohio I take it back.  You didn't even really read the first post.  That makes this a lost cause but my final words are...

Not only is there integrity there but compassion for a woman who may have been in a bad situation.  

And I opened my mouth to say something and ask around to see if I was reading it right or if there was possibly a legitimate reason for her unexpected behavior.

YAY ME all day long for being concerned for a stranger.  Yay!  Yay! Yay!    

[Mominohio]

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@Laura14 wrote:

@Mominohio I take it back.  You didn't even really read the first post.  That makes this a lost cause but my final words are...

Not only is there integrity there but compassion for a woman who may have been in a bad situation.  

And I opened my mouth to say something and ask around to see if I was reading it right or if there was possibly a legitimate reason for her unexpected behavior.

YAY ME all day long for being concerned for a stranger.  Yay!  Yay! Yay!    

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What a drama queen.

[Snowpuppy]

If you work in banking, insurance, benefits, investment brokerages, etc you get these calls a LOT!!

"I'm sorry, your spouse hasn't added you to his account so I'm unable to discuss his accounts with you". "Well, he's standing right here"!!  

My personal favorites: "well, I do everything for him"! Or the couple who comes in and she's carrying his wallet in her purse. 

You might be doing everything for him but he doesn't think enough of you to give you access to his financial life. So you may want to cover your bases if anything happens to him.

[BirkiLady]

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@NorthernLights wrote:

Couples often work together through each others strengths and weaknesses. I don't see a problem with this in the least. My father hates tech and my mother loves it. I can totally see them in this scenario, with my father not wanting to touch the new fangled fuss gadget and my mother helping him. I'll tell you it's not a problem for them at all, because I've never seen my mother out chopping wood for the wood stove either. I just look at it as partners sharing responsibilities. Works for them, so it works for me.

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Agree with your completely that couples accent each other. However, I also feel each individual needs to maintain their own strengths. When DH was ill, I did notice he was having problems with the phone. I didn't offer to dial for him; I purchased a big button memory phone which was hearing aid compatible. It provided him the continued independence he desperately needed throughout the end his life. Maintaining his integrity and dignity was so important to me. I wasn't about to become a "helicopter wife" . . . we had always been partners in our marriage and we were partners throughout sickness as well. That was in our marriage vows. I was the best health-care advocate he could have had and we discussed everything thoroughly, but he pushed those big buttons and had the freedom to make his own calls without my help.

Those wonderful big button phones are available on-line in a variety of styles. I later purchased one for my mom, a dementia patient. She was unable to figure out how to dial numbers. Couldn't even read them from a list. I found a phone which we placed photos of each family member on the large buttons; I programmed each button for each family member and mom was able to call each of her immediate family only. She no longer was frustrated or lonely; she could talk to each of us and we were able to call her. Worked like a charm. Just look on-line for whatever your loved one needs. Pretty sure you'll find something!  

[trenet]

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@Laura14 wrote:

And then pass it over when you get connected like you're his secretary? 

Quite a few times now at work, I have gotten a phone call from a woman who then passes the phone to her husband to talk to me. 

Can he not dial himself?  You don't even have to push buttons these days.  You can just speak.  

It seems to be older couples and maybe this was a thing back in the day but I find it very strange and frankly demeaning to the woman.  Not many things annoy the heck out of me these days but this one does.  I don't like it when someone is seemingly mistreated in front of me.

Just wondering if anyone else has encountered this and maybe I'm missing something.  I really don't get the deference.     

 @Laura14

I never felt demeaned or mistreated when I have dialed for

my husband.  Deference had nothing to do with it.  

My husband has rather large hands - with the old dial phones, my husband tended to get his fingers stuck!  

With buttons, he tends to hit more than one.  (As long as someone is in his contacts so he only has to press one place, he usually does okay.). We’ve always laughed about it.  (Usually though, I simply dialed - rather than waiting to be connected to the person - whereas, it seems you are referring to the “please hold” for Mr. So&So” )

Something else to consider, especially with older people: Problems with sight, joints or shaking hands, etc. (Not everyone gets their equipment set up for talk-dialing) 

My late father hated going through all the press this, press that before finally reaching the person he wanted to talk to, I’m sure there are plenty of people like him.

(My late Mother would have loved just speaking who she wanted to dial!) 

One other thing to consider is that the wife might be wanting the husband to call and, dialing herself is the little push to get it done!  

[pattypeep]

@Laura14 My dh won't even call in his own prescription refills !!

[vermint]

@Laura14 My mom always dialed the phone for my dad (even before push button phones, and systems with all the prompts). She did, however, hand it to him once it started ringing. I have no idea why they did things this way.

Mom's been gone for almost 9 years now...and Daddy manages to dial the phone just fine!

The only time I dial a phone for DH is when he's driving...he'll hand me his cell, and ask me to get so-and-so for him.