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09-09-2019 01:13 PM
I think you have to ask yourself if you are abusing the relationship? I have an unmarried adult son who works full time. I am very careful about asking him to help me. I would rather call AAA than expect him to come over to jump start my car. I call a handyman to do things I can’t do myself. My ex husband on the other hand, calls our son constantly and demands he stop everything to help him with his computer, shovel the sidewalks, and fix little things that are not emergencies.
Our son is a terrific, loving guy but he wasn’t put on this earth to be at his parents beck and call. When he visits he always ask me if I need help with anything. Unfortunately he has started to dread calls from his father and that relationship has suffered.
09-09-2019 01:15 PM
I think that you get along most of the time, but have hit a small bump in the road. Maybe you can get together and be calm and honest with each other. Remember how much you love him-and always will.
09-09-2019 01:25 PM
I really believe that the best way to destroy a child/parent relationship is to become "needy." Our children aren't there for us to lean on. They have lives of their own. I was my mom's caretaker for most of her life because she was mentally ill. When my dad became ill, I was the one who moved to my childhood home to care for him until his death. I swore to myself that I would never put that kind of burden on either of my children...and after many health issues of my own I haven't. If it ever got to a point where I was "needy" I would check myself into an assisted living situation or some place where I didn't need to rely on my kids for rides, helping with my pets etc. I feel that strongly about it.
09-09-2019 01:36 PM
I didn't have any kids, but we (four of us) all got along great with out parents as they (and we) got older. When they lived in NY ... they were just five minutes from my sister. She stopped by all the time. I'd go out and spend weekends with them.
When they got older, they moved to WV and lived a short distance from my brother. When he was out of town, I'd go down and stay with them.
We talked on the phone almost every day ... emailed all the time.
We always had lots of stuff to talk about ... shared the same interests and hobbies.
09-09-2019 01:40 PM - edited 09-09-2019 01:42 PM
@halfpint1 : I am truly sorry about this.
I am about the same age as your son. I moved close to my son and his wife last year.
I invite them over for dinner on a weekend night and ask them to come over maybe an hour earlier than we will be eating. I ask him along with the dinner invitation to please help me with X. Y and Z. I reciprocate by dog-sitting for them often and doing other helpful things they need done during the day while they are at work. I tell and try to show them both that they are appreciated and loved. I'm the mom; that's part of my job.
Do you only call your DS when you want/ need him to do something? Do you complain about things? Do you want him to stop what he is doing and attend to you or your cat now? Those would all create problems in your relationship. Also, we always show respect for each other. Yelling and or arguing over the phone or in person is off the table. Not an option in our relationship.
I have two sons. My children are blessings i my life, as i am sure your DS is to you.
Call tonight to apologize- whether you think you were wrong or not- and tell him that you love him. Bake him some cookies or cook a favorite of his.
Always better to be happy than right, but you already knew that. Wishing you all the best, and no more arguments! Life is too short.
09-09-2019 01:50 PM
I feel really strongly about not relying on my kids either but you sure do need a ton of money to get into an assisted living facility.
09-09-2019 01:53 PM
He is retired--3years. He takes my recycling once a month with me and loads and unload. I am close to stores and can still walk except there. There was a place by the mall but the store moved out and I asked him to take me.
09-09-2019 01:56 PM
He or I call everyday. I go for walks and usually tell him everyday when I go or come back.
Sounds like you two have a great relationship. Yes I imagine kids can be frustrating no matter what the age.
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