Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

Do I know anyone like this?

Quite a few - nearly all on internet forums, including (or especially?) this one.

None have ever impressed me with their "rightness."

[itiswhatitis]

Here is some interesting reading.

Just offering so as to not confuse "bullying" with anything remotely like the OP.

Understanding Bullying

Bullying is a distinctive pattern of harming and humiliating others, specifically those who are in some way smaller, weaker, younger or in any way more vulnerable than the bully. Bullying is not garden-variety aggression; it is a deliberate and repeated attempt to cause harm to others of lesser power. It's a very durable behavioral style, largely because bullies get what they want—at least at first. Bullies are made, not born, and it happens at an early age, if the normal aggression of 2-year-olds isn't handled well.

Many studies show that bullies lack prosocial behavior, are untroubled by anxiety, and do not understand others' feelings. They typically see themselves quite positively. Those who chronically bully have strained relationships with parents and peers.

Electronic bullying has become a significant problem in the past decade. The ubiquity of hand-held and other devices  affords bullies any-time access to their prey, and harassment can often be carried out anonymously.

Bullies couldn't exist without victims, and they don't pick on just anyone; those singled out lack assertiveness and radiate fear long before they ever encounter a bully. No one likes a bully, but no one likes a victim either. Grown-up bullies wreak havoc in their relationships and in the workplace.

Increasingly, children are growing up without the kinds of experiences that lead to the development of social skills, and free play has been in decline. Yet, it's in playing with peers, without adult monitoring, that children develop the skills that make them well-liked by age-mates and learn how to solve social problems.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bullying

[AuberriJean]

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@Pruett wrote:

I do and it's a family member. Very unpleasant to spend time with them and I don't know if there's any way to tell them how they're alienating people.  

This description I saw on Facebook today and it is spot on.

"A right-fighter is someone who

—gets overly emotional or angry when people do not agree with them and their opinions or beliefs.

—turns discussions into interminable debates if anyone disagrees with them.

—struggles to win arguments even if they doubt their own view.

—resorts to insults or belittling others who don't agree with their position or opinion.

—continues to obsessively return to an argument.

—brow beats others into submission.

—never apologizes (because they can't be wrong).

—insists on having the last word in an argument or refuses to back down no matter what."

Probably no good answers here. Just venting I guess. Thanks for letting me blow off steam.

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The right fighters I've run into (RL and here) has all these characteristics pretty much. Relentless obsessive and insulting to others, very much tries to bully people into agreeing. Brow beating, belittling, etc. 

This is very very different from a teacher or person with actual good facts to share in a civil respectful way. Very pushy know it alls who drive people away.

Thats why they end up alienating other people. Imho.

[ROMARY]

Many years ago, I used to subscribe to Psychology Today.  Very interesting and helpful reading in those days.  Then, I would say/think: 'Gee, I wish a certain person/persons would read PT and a few self help books.  But, then I learned that seldom does a bully and/or 'right-fighters' ever want to improve their personalities/passive-agressive nature.  They thrive on it (or so it seems to me, anyway).

[chickenbutt]

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ROMARY 1 wrote:

Many years ago, I used to subscribe to Psychology Today.  Very interesting and helpful reading in those days.  Then, I would say/think: 'Gee, I wish a certain person/persons would read PT and a few self help books.  But, then I learned that seldom does a bully and/or 'right-fighters' ever want to improve their personalities/passive-agressive nature.  They thrive on it (or so it seems to me, anyway).

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Exactly!  They think they're right no matter what, no matter facts, no matter anything, they will not let go of it.  It's like it is all they have, or something.

I also read Psychology Today for many years.  Loved that magazine!  

[AuberriJean]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

Do I know anyone like this?

Quite a few - nearly all on internet forums, including (or especially?) this one.

None have ever impressed me with their "rightness."

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@Moonchilde

I think most people aren't impressed by them. I usually leave a discussion when they overtake it like a dog with a bone lol.

Maybe it's a control thing or a kind of narcissism that makes a person be a right fighter?

[AuberriJean]

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@Colinka wrote:

I married one, for better or worse.  Most of the time, the better outweighs the worse, but I've got a bag packed in case I have to leave.  You can't argue with him, so a strategic retreat/escape is the only answer.

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@Colinka,  Your post worries me.

I hope you aren't in danger. 💙

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

[ROMARY]

Yes!  It's a control thing............And, funny thing is that they think that they are so 'in control', that, in actuality, they are totally out of control.   So, they keep trying and trying over and over again.........

[wishmoon]

If I have the "joy" of being in their company (family dinners), I smile and DON'T roll my eyes (that takes skill) but want to and just walk away. They may control the conversation but they can't control my thoughts!

[ROMARY]

Not to scare/alarm anyone, but sometimes it becomes worse as they get older.   Can't go any detail, but I've seen it come out in other ways.  Maybe not dangerous, but sometimes klepto, etc., etc., etc.   It's that control issue.  Making their point, etc.  Fascinating to ponder, really.  As I said before, their so called control ends up being out-of- control.  They can't help themselves, even if they wanted to (which they don't).   Tough way of living, if we think about it.