Community Chat

[Noel7]

Hi @Annabellethecat66

I hope you are doing well after recovery 🙂

Yours is an interesting question.  I never thought about it before but almost all of my friends are extroverts,  as am I.  

I have one close friend, like a sister, who is pretty much an introvert.  We have been friends since we were about four years old. 

[cotton4me]

I think opposites attract, at least that’s been the case for me.  I’m an introvert and my good friends have usually been extroverts.  I appreciate that they keep the conversation going and are more outgoing.    

[RinaRina]

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@SeaMaiden wrote:

@Annabellethecat66  This may sound strange to you, but at this time in my life I have no girl friends.  I had many friends growing up as a child, and into adulthood,  the last ten years I just decided that the friends I had were just too much work....expected too much out of me, so I pretty much ended the  friendships over time.  I do not miss them at all.  Is this odd? I do not know. 

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I think it is odd, but I'm in the same boat.  The gals who I considered as my "best" friends have all died, except one.  The ones that are left are really my secondary friends.

My best friend from HS is still alive, but we had a disagreement 15 years ago and never spoke again.  She'd gotten really snobby and obnoxious as we got older and the mean things she'd say about people really started irritating me.

She told one of her friends, "I have "A" list and "B" list friends.  Rina is on the "D" list".

That was the end.

She was the one in my 1st post above who I said could sew well. 

[Annabellethecat66]

@Kachina624 That's true, but it's not like the one I eat with doesn't offer her opinion, quite the opposite.  She just doesn't make friends easily.  She's a good person and our talks get quite lively but I think it's because we have the same ideas about politics and other things.

I guess it's a little like a marriage.  It just 'works'.  My late husband and I were total opposites (personality wise) but we were in love from the minute we saw each other. 

Perhaps it's because the basic 'core' of our personalities is similar and when it gets difficult between us, we go back to that similarity.  For instance, it wouldn't work if one of us were cruel and broke the law and the other didn't....right?  Agree or disagree?

I want to know about some of you.  If you have similar friendships where you are totally different .... personality-wise and just get along with this friend.

I guess it's about over looking things you don't like and savoring that part of the friendship you love about the person.  Does that make sense?  Or is it hog-wash?

I have gotten a lot of insight or what I call food for thought, here and thought I'd bring this to some of you to see if any of you have experienced it or (like @Kachina624 you can see why it works for me).

 Incidentally @Kachina624 thanks for your post.  I think that's some of it.  However, my friend that I eat with (if you can believe this) talks more than I do, on occasion....Ha!.

[Moonchilde]

I have people I do things with that are casual friends, and it doesn't really matter all that much whether we are totally tight and completely compatible in all things. I have only had a small handful of close friends, and they were all a lot like me. 

My definition of friendship is not the same as many other people's. To me, genuine frienship is a two-way street, not one-way. Most of my friends, even "close" friends, are not all that much there for me. So, actually, I do without these friends who aren't really. 

Since I am an introvert, this isn't a big deal for me - I'm quite content alone. Most of the friends I've made who see the world like I do and I'm emotionally closer to are people I've known online for a decade or more. We think alike. We feel alike. The way our brains work are similar. Compatible people you really connect with don't grow on trees. People who love to say they have tons of friends but can't be bothered to be one are a dime a dozen.

[jeanlake]

Interesting Topic. My answer is YES. Heck, I have a sister I talk to several times a week, but our outlooks on faith, life perspectives and temperaments vary. My long-time friends and I are less and less alike as years go by; but our histories remain the same and that's precious. Attrition hurts friendships, such as relocating to different cities, ugly behaviors, divorce, re-marriages in friendship circles, or the way people handle both success and failure. I plan to stay married but I also know change in marital status changes friendships. Sad to think about. I have a dear, 29 year friendship with a lady I loved (past tense) traveling with. Best guess -- her strange, new behaviors are because of her addiction to perscription meds and she won't discuss it. 

Recently moved to a maintenance-provided residence. Many nice people near my age in my cul-de-sac. I go to a book study, but in 4 months I am yet to ask these ladies about their life stories or learn more about them. In time I will -- but I'm taking it slow. I guess I've learned a few things over the years.

You know what you need and what you want in social relationships. Be kind to yourself and be happy. Resist comparing your inside life with other people's outside lives.            

[suzyQ3]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

No, I am a birds of the feather type person and have never associated with people who do not think the way I do and like the same things. Too tedious.

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Oh, wow, @blackhole99. This message board must be very tedious to you.

Just giving you a hard time. :-)

[sandraskates]

I think personality-wise, my friends are similar. I like people that I can have two-way conversations with.

What gets me is that politically-wise, they go from extreme left to extreme right. I can't quite figure that part out!

[RedTop]

Yes, every friend I have is an opposite of me in some way; our common bond differs in each relationship.   

Outside of my best friend of 56 years, all of my local friends are proud grandmothers, and have grandchildren visiting regularly.   They couldn't wait to have grandbabies, while my best friend and I don't share those feelings.   

All of my friends love to travel, and stay on the go.  I go only where and when I have to.

All of my friends love/loved their work.  The ones who are not able to work anymore miss it terribly.   And those who are still working don't want to face retirement.   They cannot connect to the fact I miss absolutely nothing about my job.   

All of my friends love to go shopping and turn it into a daylong outing.  I do not shop.   

None of my friends are content at this stage of their lives.  I am the person they reach out to, to feel grounded, and provide the answers they're looking for.  I am the friend who remembers everything and fills in the gaps in their fuzzy memories.   I am the friend who sees things in a different way and helps them face the reality they try to outrun.

[chrystaltree]

Opposites attract.  Yin and yang.  Yes, I do have two very good friends who are very different from me.  My bff, who I have been friends with for 35 years is the complete opposite in every single way.  Yet, I am closer to her than I am to either of my sisters.  I am closer  to her than I am to any except my husband.  She's never been married, no children and she never wanted any, she's tall and thin and drop dead gorgeous even at 73, she always made a boat load of money.  But we've always been there for each other and confide in each other.  I have another friend who is an artist and bit scatter brained and  poor and she always makes bad decisions. She's exasperating!   But she's funny and kind and a good person and we've been fast friends since we met 25 years ago. I can't put it into words but I think  each of us completes the other.  I don't question it, I'm just glad I have those women in my life.