Community Chat

[proudlyfromNJ]

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@Drythe wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

Ever since I was little my father taught me to look people in the eye when they talked to me or I spoke to them.  

I've always told my daughter the same thing.  I see it as letting people know you're paying attention to them, and a way of showing respect.

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@Noel7

My take as well.  In my area of the country it is also quite normal to make eye contact and even speak to strangers as you pass on the street, or while standing in lines.

However, I know this is not customary in other parts of the country, or in most of Europe or Asia.

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I think speaking to strangers on the street or in the store is quite normal in many places. I walk in the morning through town. Anyone I pass says Good Morning. Most in line in the grocery store chat bit or make comments.

This is not a big city, it's a normal small town.

[Noel7]

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@handygal2 wrote:

When using public transportation, l usually don't make eye contact.

When driving l don't look directly at other drivers, unless l'm waving them on or thanking them for giving me the right-of-way.

ln an elevator, it's awkward to make eye contact with strangers.

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You make a really interesting point @handygal2

Looking a stranger in the eye is seen by some as challenging them, so I don't make eye contact on a bus and a few other places, either.  That includes not looking in the eyes of aggressive drivers when they pass you.

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Noel7 wrote:

Ever since I was little my father taught me to look people in the eye when they talked to me or I spoke to them.  

I've always told my daughter the same thing.  I see it as letting people know you're paying attention to them, and a way of showing respect.

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This is the same thing my parents taught me and I then taught my daughter. 

[Q4u]

I was a 2nd Degree Black Belt and taught classes in self-defense and there is a fine line in eye contact that will give the other person the idea that 1) you're a possible victim, 2) you are in control, self-assured, or 3) you are making hard eye contact looking for conflict.

Women especially have a very hard time making secure, confident eye contact.  Too little eye contact gives the impression you are a possible victim, shy, weak, meek, somewhat afraid (when a predator is looking for a victim, they look at body language!).  Too hard an eye contact will actually give the other person the impression you want to "try something".... but just the right eye contact in a no nonsense way gives the impression you are confident, strong, and can handle a situation.

These things are really important, especially in big cities and women (especially) have the hardest time making eye contact at all, much less contact in a strong, confident way.      

[Q4u]

I also agree that eye contact is a sign of respect....  

[Tinkrbl44]

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@viva923 wrote:

I was raised to not look people in the eye. I have no idea as to why we were told this by my parents and grandparents.  

I find looking people in the eye is very hard for me unless i know them very well. Grandkids i can look them in the eye, but a complete stranger oh my gosh that is a very difficult task for me.

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@viva923

Well, maybe there was no good reason ... just that it's what they were taught and simply passed it on to their kids.    Why should you keep doing something if there's no good reason for doing so?   Has it served you well, or hindered your ability to relate to people?

I also think it's possible many children are told not to stare at strangers, but it's so they won't be annoying.    

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Noel7 wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

There's a huge difference between making eye contact during a conversation ...  and staring at someone for too long.  

IMO, it's important to be honest and direct, and I tend to be suspicious of anyone who averts their eyes and won't look at me.   My first thought is to wonder what's wrong with them.   I keep this to myself, of course, but I doubt their trustworthyness.   JMO

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This is such a fascinating conversation, very informative.

@Tinkrbl44

I certainly understand finding it odd if someone stares at you, but please clarify something.  Do you mean someone staring that you're not engaged with, or do you mean someone you're talking to who looks you in the eye the entire time you're speaking to him or her?

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    Actually, both.   

[AuntG]

Blame Alfred Hitchcock. How many of his movies show an eyeball up close? Whenever I see an eye like that, I cover my face, and in real life, eyes creep me out just a bit.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@AnikaBrodie wrote:

No.  When I worked (retired) I served as a pubic relations director.  I can't imagine speaking with an audience or an individual without eye contact. 

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@AnikaBrodie

I agree .... it's just part of having good manners and developing good social skills.   You can be reserved ... or introverted ....  or whatever ....   but that doesn't mean you shouldn't show someone the basic courtesy of looking at them when they are speaking to you.   It's showing basic respect for another human being.  How would you ever get along with people in business if you can look at them?  JMO

[Allegheny]

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@cherry wrote:

I had a neighbor that looked at me so hard it made me cringe.  He had an  unwavering  gaze. like Rasputin did

I could never stand him ,and his gaze reminded me of a serial killer, more than anything else, and no, I wouldn't look at him at all. He was a huge creep, and found out sometime later he was  behaving  strangley with neighbor kids

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@cherry  I do know what you mean.  We also had a neighbor who had a gaze like that.  On top of it all, he had piercing steel blue eyes.  He wasn't friendly and kind of stern.  When I had to interact with him I felt very unnerved.