Community Chat

[magicmoodz]

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@BalletBabe wrote:

My husband passed in March.  I received many many cards and flowers.  I really think Flowers are a waste of money and would rather they contributed to COPD research.  I also received gift cards , which I thought was very nice.   It is the thought that counts !

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@BalletBabe I am very sorry for your loss.  I sincerely hope with each day passing your memories somewhat ease the pain.  

[wilma]

I try to make a personal visit to the funeral home for anyone I know. Even if I haven't seen the person or their family in years, if they were once a part of my life, then I make the effort. Some people have envelopes at the funeral home for charitable donations that the deceased supported. If I can't get there or the funeral is out of town, I send a card with a handwritten note. Sometimes I send a check with the card to the deceased's favorite charity. 

[sunala]

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@BalletBabe wrote:

My husband passed in March.  I received many many cards and flowers.  I really think Flowers are a waste of money and would rather they contributed to COPD research.  I also received gift cards , which I thought was very nice.   It is the thought that counts !

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@BalletBabe I'm very sorry for your loss. May your husband's memory be a blessing.

[catwhisperer]

Yes I do send sympathy cards. I see nothing wrong in what you did. You were very kind to do so.

[chiclets]

At the funeral home flowers are there from family and others. At the sign in desk there is often a plate on which individuals leave a card/envelope with money inside, or a note stating a donation to a foundation or charity has been sent in the deceased name, or you can leave your sympathy card there. To the home you can send a dish garden or such, or bring food to  place on the table. You may telephone the funeral home to inquire if they knew the family had preferences.  Sending a sympathy card to the home is always very acceptable and nice. A card alone is always acceptable. What is important is you did something to express condolences.

[Big Time]

I lost my beloved mother three weeks ago. I cherish every single card that has been sent to me.  Touches my heart.  Felt the same when my Dad passed.  NEVER, EVER would I expect someone to send money to me.  How CRASS.  If, in the obituary, you make mention that a donation to a favored charity in the loved one's name is preferred, that is fine.  But, never, ever, ever would I expect this.  In fact, I don't want anything but the love and support of my friends.   You are a dear person for sending that card. 

[sunshine45]

i have never given nor received a sympathy card with money in it. i have donated through a "go fund me" page for those families in need and i have given to charitable organizations that are dear to the deceased if that has been requested.

i have done any or all of the following, depending how close i am to the family......sent a card, sent a live plant (no flowers), given a gift of food (something that can be frozen, trays of sandwiches, fruit, breakfast items,  or casserole dinners), visited the family at the funeral home or at home, and/or attended the funeral/graveside service.

[Yardlie]

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@Big Time wrote:

I lost my beloved mother three weeks ago. I cherish every single card that has been sent to me.  Touches my heart.  Felt the same when my Dad passed.  NEVER, EVER would I expect someone to send money to me.  How CRASS.  If, in the obituary, you make mention that a donation to a favored charity in the loved one's name is preferred, that is fine.  But, never, ever, ever would I expect this.  In fact, I don't want anything but the love and support of my friends.   You are a dear person for sending that card. 

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@BigTime ...  I am so sorry that you lost your mother so recently. I hope that the memories help comfort you and ease the pain.

[Yardlie]

Thank you all for your input into this topic regarding the sending of sympathy cards. I hope that no one thinks it is insensitive if they ever receive a sympathy card with money in it. While it may not be the custom in your area of the country, it is the custom in some parts of the country. Since we cannot know what is traditional to the person sending the card, please do not ever be insulted by it if you should receive a sympathy card that has money enclosed.

In this part of the country, just sending a sympathy card is reserved for acquaintances. Sending money in the sympathy card is reserved for people the sender feels close to.  Flowers are sent to very close family and friends. Money is sent to an organization if the decedent's family requests it. Food is optional. In the area in which I reside, most people send $20 if they send money. It is not meant to insult the family or as charity. It is only meant to help the family as there are usually a lot of extra expenses when someone dies...funeral expenses, relatives coming, extra food, etc.

The person sending the money would be crushed if they received a rude response to it. We can't know all the traditions around the country, so if someone commits what you consider a faux pax by sending money, just know that the person must think especially highly of you and consider you as a close friend or relative...otherwise they would not have enclosed the money.

Thanks, everyone, for your enlightening responses.

[SunValley]

@Yardlie Very nice summation. It is very common in our area for people to enclose money in a card, as often the family will make a gift to their place of worship in the the loved one's memory or other similar donation. It is not an affront in any way.