Community Chat

[Suziepeach]

Several years ago one of the Doctors at our hospital bluntly said to me, "Wow you've really porked out."  As I held back my tears I said to him, "Wow I heard that ****l implant didn't work for you."  Everyone cracked up quietly... I walked off.... it wasn't unsolicited advice but a smart alec come back..

Couple weeks ago in the grocery store I noticed a lady, with her purse in the baby seat of the cart and her back turned to it, getting lettuce.  I said , "Excuse me, I didn't want to scare you or think I was stealing your purse, may I get some lettuce."  Oh I'm not worried about that and moved over..  Geesh lady!

[brii]

I usually mind my own business. 

I will speak up if someone is going to get hurt, especially a child.

[Silver Lining]

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@brii wrote:

I usually mind my own business. 

I will speak up if someone is going to get hurt, especially a child.

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Same here. I mind my own business and would'nt say anything unless there is clearly imminent danger. Even then, unsolicited advice is often unwelcome. The time I told a mother that the (heavy, smooth glass) jar her tiny little girl was struggling to hold was about to fall on the floor beneath her, the mother made quite a scene. I only said "the baby is having a little trouble" and the mother went ballistic. 

[Plaid Pants2]

I can relate to a mom going ape-sh*t when one gives advice.

Over a decade ago, when I was working in retail, I was giving a sales girl, who worked in jewelry, her lunch break.

Mom came up and her kid started to spin the display case that sat on top of the counter fast.

I put my hand on top of it, to stop it from spinning, and calmly said, "Please, don't".

There was no tone to my voice, or anything.

The mother yelled at me, "Don't you tell my child what do do!!!"

I was just trying to keep the kid from damaging store property.

*sigh*

[brii]

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@Silver Lining wrote:

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@brii wrote:

I usually mind my own business. 

I will speak up if someone is going to get hurt, especially a child.

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Same here. I mind my own business and would'nt say anything unless there is clearly imminent danger. Even then, unsolicited advice is often unwelcome. The time I told a mother that the (heavy, smooth glass) jar her tiny little girl was struggling to hold was about to fall on the floor beneath her, the mother made quite a scene. I only said "the baby is having a little trouble" and the mother went ballistic. 

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I told a mom that her son was about to fall out of the grocery cart.  He was standing up trying to reach something on a shelf.  She looked at me like I had two heads.  She wasn't even paying attention to him.  She was screaming at her boyfriend on the phone.  SMH

[LTT1]

Some of the types of responses/comments people are saying they get have happened to me and its perplexing.

For instance, if I say I eat "gluten-free" foods, people will assume that I am somehow telling them that they should do so also?  I don't get this?

I know I'm guilty of giving advice when and where it is not needed or wanted.  This happens only (that I know of) with DD, who knows to say "Mom, I don't want you to "fix" this, I just want to have a sounding board.

I then completely curtail my line of "talking" and just listen.

To the people who have tried to protectively keep a child from getting hurt, I say "Good for you."   In those instances, you can't wait until the child gets cut by glass, etc.  You did a great thing, even if you get an ugly response.  Why would a parent's first thought be to lash back, for heaven's sake?

[Moonchilde]

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@orangegarnet wrote:

Several years ago one of the Doctors at our hospital bluntly said to me, "Wow you've really porked out."  As I held back my tears I said to him, "Wow I heard that ****l implant didn't work for you."  Everyone cracked up quietly... I walked off.... it wasn't unsolicited advice but a smart alec come back..

You probably couldn't have done it a few years ago, but I could now, at my hospital - report his comment as harrassment and make a BIG deal out of it. He would get an official CEO reprimand and it would go in his medical staff file.  A few years ago, the reporter would have been the one (somehow) ultimately punished, but not any more. Institutions are getting tough about such things now.

[hckynutjohn]

Jordan2 wrote:

I never do but I was in the supermarket yesterday. An elderly woman left her bag opened in the top part of the cart while her back was turned to it reaching for something. I couldn't help myself. I told her it was unsafe to leave her bag unattended and she should keep it on her. She told me I was right and thanked me. I just didn't want her to be taken advantage of. 

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 Do you consider suggestions to be  advice?

hckynut(john) 

[sfnative]

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@LTT1 wrote:

Some of the types of responses/comments people are saying they get have happened to me and its perplexing.

For instance, if I say I eat "gluten-free" foods, people will assume that I am somehow telling them that they should do so also?  I don't get this?

I know I'm guilty of giving advice when and where it is not needed or wanted.  This happens only (that I know of) with DD, who knows to say "Mom, I don't want you to "fix" this, I just want to have a sounding board.

I then completely curtail my line of "talking" and just listen.

To the people who have tried to protectively keep a child from getting hurt, I say "Good for you."   In those instances, you can't wait until the child gets cut by glass, etc.  You did a great thing, even if you get an ugly response.  Why would a parent's first thought be to lash back, for heaven's sake?

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@LTT1

Hi Loves,

Believe me I understand what you've said in the bolded paragraph above.  Actually, we haven't even gotten that far, as my daughter was highly sensitive and very difficult to communicate with as a child: her brain had challenges processing sensory input, so reactions lagged.  I had to respect that and not demand responses.  The other dynamic that worked against her is that both my husband and I have out-going personalities and she does not.  She's like my Dad was.

I still tread lightly with her and wish we had more opportunities to just sit down and talk, but it simply doesn't happen.  Our "function" is to have our granddaughter two days a week.

My birthday was back in June and my daughter's gift to me was a girl's sushi lunch with DD, DGD and me.  Portland has several of those sushi places where the sushi chefs work in the center of the restaurant and place the sushi on small dishes, which are then placed on a very small conveyor belt that goes in a serpentine pattern around the restaurant where tables and chairs are situated.  Well, we've yet to have this lunch, at which I'd hope we'd have a quality talk.  Please, God, give us some quality moments.

I made a decision when our granddaughter was born to ask questions to get the conversation going.  And, I have offered advice, but only on a few occasions. Why?  Because I'm the type of person who is a "take over" person.  I can walk into a room and immediately figure out how to make it better; I can take a failing business and make it profitable; I'm good at reading people; I could go on, but won't.  Suffice it to say, my daughter would probably say I'm somewhat of a handful or have been in the past.  I respect that and am trying to tone things down so that she can shine.

(I think I rambled.  It's the oxy and Soma for my nerve compression.)

((((((HUGS))))))

~Rebecca

[chrystaltree]

I do, I'm a fixer by nature and I find myself giving advice even when no one has asked for it.  It's a fault and I'm trying to control it.  However, everyone does it to some extent, even if they aren't aware of it.  It's just a human thing.