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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,090
Registered: ‎10-05-2010

@catlover7777 wrote:

I believe in the sacredness of marriage vows. Divorce is not the easy way out.


 

You are the OP and made the rest of us think you were contemplating divorce.  Are you now trying to shame those of us who shared a bit of our lives with you?

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,258
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

@catlover7777 wrote:

I believe in the sacredness of marriage vows. Divorce is not the easy way out.


I have been happily married 48 years and I was a teen bride. But, i know that sometimes divorce is the ONLY away out, except for death.

 

I had a friend who married a man who became abusive to her. When she tried to leave him and get a divorce, he killed her by running over her in his car while she was walking on a public sidewalk in broad daylight in front of people.

 

I can't imagine what he did to her behind closed doors.

 

What if your spouse is running around or has left you for someone else?  You would stay married and be a doormat?

 

Some marriages are hell.  I know the good Lord does not expect anyone to live like that. There is nothing sacred about a bad marriage.

 

Being married to a police officer, I have heard some horrific stories about women and men who were abused physically as well as emotionally by their spouses.  I have also seen pictures of people beaten into a pulp....and some of them went back to their spouses because they were afraid to leave.

 

If you really believe what you wrote, you are either a fool or naive.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,964
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Can I comment as an adult child of divorce?

 

My father was a womanizer and an alcoholic. He came from a wealthy family and was used to getting what he wanted.

 

 

My mom put up with a lot. He had an affair with my third grade teacher. 



When he left I was married myself. He was going on a vacation after retiring. That was October. A week before Christmas my mom was served with divorce papers. She was shocked. He would leave her the house, but there would be no alimony and no contact. My brother and I tried to talk her into fighting it, but she just wanted to be rid of him. He remarried someone he apparently knew from business trips to the area. 



We never heard from him again until I called him when my brother died. I didn't know where he was, but I think it was the Red Cross who found him. After that there was no contact with anyone, even his best friend and his brothers.

 

 

I asked her why she put up with it for so long. My mom was always a strong person, but she told me she felt she wanted to work things out for us.

 

 

When I married I fell in love with someone completely unlike my dad in every way. DH is quiet, but he is caring and compassionate and would do anything to help anyone. Seeing him with his furry patients when we were first dating told me who he was! 



Sorry to be so long and personal,  but if I could give anyone any advice it would be don't stay together hoping it will get better. It won't. And don't stay because of the children. We know what an unhappy marriage looks like.

 

 

My mom was so much happier after. She had closed the bedroom door and wouldn't sleep there. While she was away visiting my aunt we redecorated her bedroom completely, everything except the carpet. My brother bought her a big screen TV and a comfortable lounge chair. She was so surprised and thrilled, and it became her retreat until she died. All those years - she finally had the happiness and independence she deserved!

 

BTW she got a call shortly after from a widower she knew in high school. He didn't live near her, but was passing through. She told him she was going to be away!  

 

 

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,657
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@catlover7777 wrote:

I believe in the sacredness of marriage vows. Divorce is not the easy way out.


 

There are deal-breakers. Examples: Mental or physical abuse. Neglect. Cheating. Control.

 

It's ok to believe what you believe. Just don't judge others. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,701
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Same for me.  I have been divorced for many many years, at least 40.  We had no kids together and I did my own divorce.

Brought the papers to the court house myself. 

He thought he was marrying a desperate women and really tried to take advantage of me, because he came in with nothing and I owned a house. 

Good thing I was smart enough to get a pre nup which he thought he could break.

Many times he tried to make me sell the house and buy a new one together.   As much as I would have loved a new house, I didn't do it.

I am a very strong women in my 80's and can still do a lot of things for myself. When I deal with repair men or men in general, they think they are dealing with a little old women they can snow, but quickly find different.  

I keep up with the tech world and keep learning. Being on your own makes you very strong if you keep learning.

I have had other chances when i was dating, but the old saying,  the older ones want, A Nurse or a Purse.

 

Super Contributor
Posts: 432
Registered: ‎07-12-2020

 


@catlover7777 wrote:

I believe in the sacredness of marriage vows. Divorce is not the easy way out.


catlover7777, this is not a nice posting. It feels demeaning to the rest of us when you tell others about the sacredness of marriage vows. How do you know what others go through? God isn't as judgemental as you are, in my opinion. The Bible talks about adultery and how it breaks the covenant. In modern times, drug and alcohol abuse and spousal abuse also break the covenant. I don't think you are going to read any of the responses and change your mind, though. Waste of our time. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,131
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@catlover7777 wrote:

I believe in the sacredness of marriage vows. Divorce is not the easy way out.


Judge not lest ye be judged


'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,751
Registered: ‎11-24-2013

@Venezia I think her very self-righteous post answered that question. Any future posts of her I will look at in the light of a smug, judgmental person. But that's just me.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,390
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Until you have walked in my shoes you have no right to tie my laces. I do not like manipulative posts that slyly solicit responses with the intent of passing judgement. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,751
Registered: ‎11-24-2013

@SunValley Exactly!

 

@catlover7777  Read SunValley's post. You didn't fool anyone.  Baiting is not a nice quality, did you know that?