Community Chat

[Stormygirl]

@jackiejenny amen to that! You reminded me of a funny or not so funny thing that happened when DH and I were at a quiet dining experience. I went away from the table to the restroom and when I came back DH face was red with anger, he was opening and closing his hands and had a weird angry look on his face. I asked him what was wrong? (wondered if a bee bit him on his bits or something LOL)

He told me the 2 women in back of us were talking very loudly and he couldnt help but overhear their conversation. It went like this:

Woman 1: Bob asked me to marry him but I dont know if I should.

Woman 2: Sue are YOU CRAZY? He has his own home all paid for, has a job, a nice car, health insurance and a 401K. Marry him and if you dont like him in a few years divorce him and get half of his stuff.

OMG my husband wanted so bad to find out who Bob was so he could tell him to RUN and fast! True story. LOL

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

I divorced my ex and left with what I came into the marriage with plus full custody of Daughter. I am more concerned that these deadbeats get away with paying nothing for their kids. Laws are broken daily as are divorce decrees that stipulate payment of child support. So if a Women who only needs to take care of herself is not smart enough to put away $$ or have separate accounts then don't be surprised. If you expect that a guy is put on earth to support you til death then I have a bridge to sell you. Wake up. The laws for women as it pertains to divorce are the same laws that pertain to men. Nobody but you stops you from getting a job and being self sufficient.  And if a wife is on the bank accounts the husband can not just close up the accounts without her signing off on them as well. And they can take the $$ out if they are a signer on the account.  As for what are they expected to do? Get a job just like anybody else who finds themselves in dire straits. Sell things to get cash. Apply for food stamps. Stop sitting home thinking they are above all this and should be tended to. Be proactive. Survival of the fittest. After my divorce I moved home to finish college and I worked. I worked around my daughters school schedule and my classes. The day I took my last college exams was also the day my daughter had her holiday party. The night before while cramming for three tests I baked cupcakes and  put together activities for the school party. I graduated and went to work full time. My ex paid nothing and we survived. I eventually was able to buy a house for us and we survived. Was it easy no but we did it. Its the same reason that you put away supplies for a catastrophic event including money. Just in case. 

[Venezia]

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

I divorced my ex and left with what I came into the marriage with plus full custody of Daughter. I am more concerned that these deadbeats get away with paying nothing for their kids. Laws are broken daily as are divorce decrees that stipulate payment of child support. So if a Women who only needs to take care of herself is not smart enough to put away $$ or have separate accounts then don't be surprised. If you expect that a guy is put on earth to support you til death then I have a bridge to sell you. Wake up. The laws for women as it pertains to divorce are the same laws that pertain to men. Nobody but you stops you from getting a job and being self sufficient.  And if a wife is on the bank accounts the husband can not just close up the accounts without her signing off on them as well. And they can take the $$ out if they are a signer on the account.  As for what are they expected to do? Get a job just like anybody else who finds themselves in dire straits. Sell things to get cash. Apply for food stamps. Stop sitting home thinking they are above all this and should be tended to. Be proactive. Survival of the fittest. After my divorce I moved home to finish college and I worked. I worked around my daughters school schedule and my classes. The day I took my last college exams was also the day my daughter had her holiday party. The night before while cramming for three tests I baked cupcakes and  put together activities for the school party. I graduated and went to work full time. My ex paid nothing and we survived. I eventually was able to buy a house for us and we survived. Was it easy no but we did it. Its the same reason that you put away supplies for a catastrophic event including money. Just in case. 

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@AngusandBuddhasMom- Not exactly true.  He may not be able to close the account, but he can drain all the money from it, leaving no balance.  The only way to make sure neither party can drain or close the account, is to stipulate that both signatures are required for any withdrawal.

Case in point:  my nephew thought he was happily married (one child).  Until the day he woke up to find his wife had left.  She had secretly arranged a move to another location with her job, moved in with her boyfriend and left her small daughter behind.  (What kind of mother does that???)

He lost his business because she drained the bank accounts, personal and business (but they were still technically "open").  The daughter wanted nothing to do with her mother ever again after being deserted and who could blame her?

It bears repeating - it isn't always the woman who is the victim.  And your harsh attitude of "get a job", "support yourself", doesn't take into account that some people may not be physically or mentally as capable as you yourself are.  You don't know their age, their life experience.  I'd like to think a more compassionate tone would be appropriate to whomever is the (often blindsided) victim of a nasty divorce.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@sidsmom wrote:

Takes 2 to make it;

Takes 2 to break it. 

I hear the same...'just out of the blue she/he wanted a divorce & took everything I owned!" Every. Single. Day.

Men divorcing women.

Women divorcing men.

It's a.l.w.a.y.s about the 'poor little woman'.

Men can be the victims, as well.

And no one 'had a clue' they were left with nothing.

It's such an old, old story.  

And always without a pre-nup (facepalm).

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@sidsmom

Actually, that's not really true.

It only takes ONE person to break it.   No matter how much you love your partner and want to keep things together, if they already have one foot out the door, it's OVER.  Sometimes they have already found someone, sometimes not ... they just want out, no negotiating to be done.

What the other partner needs to do is consult with a divorce attorney, or two, or three, and learn what their "rights" are and if they should remove assets from bank accounts while ther money is still there.

I hate the stupidity of women who think "oh, he takes care of the money; I trust him completely".    oi vey

[AngusandBuddhasMom]

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@Venezia wrote:

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@AngusandBuddhasMom wrote:

I divorced my ex and left with what I came into the marriage with plus full custody of Daughter. I am more concerned that these deadbeats get away with paying nothing for their kids. Laws are broken daily as are divorce decrees that stipulate payment of child support. So if a Women who only needs to take care of herself is not smart enough to put away $$ or have separate accounts then don't be surprised. If you expect that a guy is put on earth to support you til death then I have a bridge to sell you. Wake up. The laws for women as it pertains to divorce are the same laws that pertain to men. Nobody but you stops you from getting a job and being self sufficient.  And if a wife is on the bank accounts the husband can not just close up the accounts without her signing off on them as well. And they can take the $$ out if they are a signer on the account.  As for what are they expected to do? Get a job just like anybody else who finds themselves in dire straits. Sell things to get cash. Apply for food stamps. Stop sitting home thinking they are above all this and should be tended to. Be proactive. Survival of the fittest. After my divorce I moved home to finish college and I worked. I worked around my daughters school schedule and my classes. The day I took my last college exams was also the day my daughter had her holiday party. The night before while cramming for three tests I baked cupcakes and  put together activities for the school party. I graduated and went to work full time. My ex paid nothing and we survived. I eventually was able to buy a house for us and we survived. Was it easy no but we did it. Its the same reason that you put away supplies for a catastrophic event including money. Just in case. 

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@AngusandBuddhasMom- Not exactly true.  He may not be able to close the account, but he can drain all the money from it, leaving no balance.  The only way to make sure neither party can drain or close the account, is to stipulate that both signatures are required for any withdrawal.

Case in point:  my nephew thought he was happily married (one child).  Until the day he woke up to find his wife had left.  She had secretly arranged a move to another location with her job, moved in with her boyfriend and left her small daughter behind.  (What kind of mother does that???)

He lost his business because she drained the bank accounts, personal and business (but they were still technically "open").  The daughter wanted nothing to do with her mother ever again after being deserted and who could blame her?

It bears repeating - it isn't always the woman who is the victim.  And your harsh attitude of "get a job", "support yourself", doesn't take into account that some people may not be physically or mentally as capable as you yourself are.  You don't know their age, their life experience.  I'd like to think a more compassionate tone would be appropriate to whomever is the (often blindsided) victim of a nasty divorce.

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No both of us are correct if it is a joint account and it does not specifically say "and/or" then yes either party can close out the account and take all the money out without the other's knowledge. But if it specifically states "and" then both parties to the account would have to agree to the withdrawal and closing of the account. So again why keeping a separate account is a good idea. Sadly it would seem  your nephew was not paying attention to his wife's activity or the actual goings on of his marriage. And losing a business does not happen over night. Not excusing the wife's actions they are cowardly and wrong. But we are only getting one side of the story. I will leave that there.

As for my tone.excuse me if I am not being sweet and flowery. Sweet and flowery does not keep you safe and secure.  I looked at my family and they told me you made your bed now sleep in it. Pretty much saying this was your choice grow up and be responsible. That harsh reality was the best thing I ever got. My ex never had a relationship with his daughter until she turned 18 and he thought he would set her straight. The only problem was I never spoke bad about him to her. So she figured out on her own that he was a coward and selfish. So she set him straight. He never paid a dime for her and missed out on her whole life. His doing,  I made attempts for him to visit with her and he always backed out the last minute. That killed me to see my child hurt by her own father. 

Don't talk to me about compassion I volunteer for an organization that sets up apartments for refugees who come here with nothing. Except a bleakness in their eyes because of what they have been through and have witnessed.  They look at the smallest act of kindness as a blessing and it could be just a hug. So yes not everyone is like me and to think that I had it easy is BS. What I had was a toddler who depended on me so I had no time for woes me. But by all means sit behind your computer and tsk tsk at my pov.

As for your nephew really not one sign? Not for nothing he was left with the most valuable thing his child. I would do what ever I needed to do to make sure my child was happy and felt loved. That her mother would forsake that shows what kind of women she was and to think there was no signs is confusing. 

[Scooby Doo]

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

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@Scooby Doo wrote:

Years ago I worked with a guy who did that to his wife.  After many years together he left her with nothing.  She went to work as a telelphone operator to be able to pay her rent.  Then he married someone else who divorced him.  I ran into him one day in the grocery store and he actually had the nerve to ask me out.  UMMMMM, No. 

Worked with another guy who I think was hard to live with.  He made sure his wife understood that he was the boss!  She told him she wanted a divorce, and he told her she could leave anytime but she wouldn't get anything out of him.  She also had no backup or means of support.  Well, she up and disappeared.  Nobody knew where she went.  In the Spring time he and his son were cleaning up the back yard from the winter.  Son found mom in a sleeping bag under some bushes.  She had committed suicide in October and lay in the snow for 6 months.

Some relationships just boggle my mind.

@  No one looked for her, alerted the police, nothing??? @Scooby Doo

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Of course they did.  Tracked the credit cards and bank account and no money was used.  It's a big world to hide in, but who would think of crawling under the bushes in your back yard.

[software]

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@Stormygirl wrote:

@jackiejenny amen to that! You reminded me of a funny or not so funny thing that happened when DH and I were at a quiet dining experience. I went away from the table to the restroom and when I came back DH face was red with anger, he was opening and closing his hands and had a weird angry look on his face. I asked him what was wrong? (wondered if a bee bit him on his bits or something LOL)

He told me the 2 women in back of us were talking very loudly and he couldnt help but overhear their conversation. It went like this:

Woman 1: Bob asked me to marry him but I dont know if I should.

Woman 2: Sue are YOU CRAZY? He has his own home all paid for, has a job, a nice car, health insurance and a 401K. Marry him and if you dont like him in a few years divorce him and get half of his stuff.

OMG my husband wanted so bad to find out who Bob was so he could tell him to RUN and fast! True story. LOL

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Hopefully "Bob" has the pre-nup ready for her signature!

Back when I was dating (between husbands) I would meet men who wanted to impress me with their title, home, vehicle, credit cards etc.    I was not interested.   Those are the guys who end up with a gold-digger and can't understand why???

[Mz iMac]

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@Scooby Doo wrote:

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

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@Scooby Doo wrote:

Years ago I worked with a guy who did that to his wife.  After many years together he left her with nothing.  She went to work as a telelphone operator to be able to pay her rent.  Then he married someone else who divorced him.  I ran into him one day in the grocery store and he actually had the nerve to ask me out.  UMMMMM, No. 

Worked with another guy who I think was hard to live with.  He made sure his wife understood that he was the boss!  She told him she wanted a divorce, and he told her she could leave anytime but she wouldn't get anything out of him.  She also had no backup or means of support.  Well, she up and disappeared.  Nobody knew where she went.  In the Spring time he and his son were cleaning up the back yard from the winter.  Son found mom in a sleeping bag under some bushes.  She had committed suicide in October and lay in the snow for 6 months.

Some relationships just boggle my mind.

@  No one looked for her, alerted the police, nothing??? @Scooby Doo

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Of course they did.  Tracked the credit cards and bank account and no money was used.  It's a big world to hide in, but who would think of crawling under the bushes in your back yard.

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The police!

[WenGirl42]

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@Mz iMac wrote:

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@Scooby Doo wrote:

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

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@Scooby Doo wrote:

Years ago I worked with a guy who did that to his wife.  After many years together he left her with nothing.  She went to work as a telelphone operator to be able to pay her rent.  Then he married someone else who divorced him.  I ran into him one day in the grocery store and he actually had the nerve to ask me out.  UMMMMM, No. 

Worked with another guy who I think was hard to live with.  He made sure his wife understood that he was the boss!  She told him she wanted a divorce, and he told her she could leave anytime but she wouldn't get anything out of him.  She also had no backup or means of support.  Well, she up and disappeared.  Nobody knew where she went.  In the Spring time he and his son were cleaning up the back yard from the winter.  Son found mom in a sleeping bag under some bushes.  She had committed suicide in October and lay in the snow for 6 months.

Some relationships just boggle my mind.

@  No one looked for her, alerted the police, nothing??? @Scooby Doo

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Of course they did.  Tracked the credit cards and bank account and no money was used.  It's a big world to hide in, but who would think of crawling under the bushes in your back yard.

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The police!

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Right...even if nobody would have expected her to crawl under her own bushes, the prospect of the husband murdering her would have been thoroughly investigated, including (one assumes) searching the yard for the body/evidence of recent digging/etc. 

[nana59]

Many years ago I had a dear friend who was in an abusive marriage...with 3 young children.  She would bring me money every week to keep safe for when she decided to leave him.  One night she came to get her money, and left for PA where she had family....it was a difficult time for all of us....