Re: Disappointed with a friend

Yardlie · ‎03-10-2010

I'm sorry things aren't working out as you would like them in this friendship. For me, phone calls once a week are too much. I don't know how long you talk, but I don't like long conversations. Maybe your friend will just contact you periodically when she has something really exciting to tell you. I don't think she is snubbing you. She's probably just got a lot going on in her life right now in the new city with her children, husband, job, etc.

A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~~ Steve Maraboli

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

I am the guilty friend who moved away.

I always said I was going to relocate when I retired but went thru a bad breakup a few years ago and decided it was time. Long before retirement.

I kept up my end, phone calls, emails, cards. or a small gift at the holidays. After a few years people drifted off. When I no longer got a response to a Christmas card and wrapped gift I realized I didn't mean anything and they had closed their door to me.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

Personally, I think it happens to more people than you think. It does depend on the people involved, sometimes you get those lasting relationships. I think more times than not, people get busy with their everyday lives, and those right there around them. I think it's common.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Just by your nic, funluvin, I can tell your friends are important to you. I do believe this happens often, as another person posted. It's an opportunity to make life changes. I hope, by chatting with us, that you've been able to resist contacting your friend. Give her space. I know it stings.

I have a friend who slips away every time she makes life changes -- became a widow, got divorced, dating new guys. She immerses herself in her new environment until it doesn't work for her anymore and she comes back to old friends. Of course, you or I wouldn't do that. That's why I've had to not be so available to her as I used to.

I do think time will heal your sting. You've learned something about friendship -- that you are a good friend! Some people -- not so much. Let her go

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/1/2014 Bungo said:
I thought I had a friendship to last a lifetime. (69 years) Our Mothers were pregnant w/us when they moved next door. Through so much we have remained friends. She lives 300 miles away but we still call, write and stuff like that. The other night she called me and she was drunk. DH and I talked to her for 2 hours but it was hard because she kept repeating herself.

Said some really mean things. I was concerned about suicide so we called two friends of hers that lived near by. After talking to them we realized she has done this before. I would never turn her away but I feel like the friendship is done.

Bungo, how disappointing for you. She sounds tortured.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

funluvin · ‎07-04-2010

On 2/1/2014 ury said:
Just by your nic, funluvin, I can tell your friends are important to you. I do believe this happens often, as another person posted. It's an opportunity to make life changes. I hope, by chatting with us, that you've been able to resist contacting your friend. Give her space. I know it stings.

I have a friend who slips away every time she makes life changes -- became a widow, got divorced, dating new guys. She immerses herself in her new environment until it doesn't work for her anymore and she comes back to old friends. Of course, you or I wouldn't do that. That's why I've had to not be so available to her as I used to.

I do think time will heal your sting. You've learned something about friendship -- that you are a good friend! Some people -- not so much. Let her go

Thanks ury and others for your kind, supportive & constructive advice.

hckynut · ‎03-10-2010

Doesn't sound like a friend to me and in my opinion you have lost,at best, an associate and nothing more. Don't take it so seriously. I've had many that I've known for decades that are exactly the same way your have described this person.

They were my friend and now they are just people I've known in my past. Like everything else in my life I choose to roll with the punches life throws my way and you might try this and see if it works for you.

hckynut(john)

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

I wouldn't write her off just yet...it's possible that she's just not the type who needs to talk every week and want to remain in contact often. Why not get in touch in a few months instead? You would have more to talk about too.

I have a very close friend who lived in the house behind me and retired to Fl. (I'm in Pa). I knew when she moved I would miss her terribly!! I spoke with her often in the beginning but we now talk once every few months and that's fine. She comes up here twice a year and during that time she sees various friends including me. I usually have one on one time with her like going out to breakfast or some shopping and we also get together for dinner with our husbands. We also go out with a group of friends when she's here for a week or so. I plan on going to Florida soon and hope to see her. When we do get together it's just like old times and we have a lot of fun. She knows I miss her but that's just the way things are.

So maybe you can continue your friendship but just don't come across as too needy with her which might be the case if you're the one calling every week. Let some time pass like your'e doing now and wait a few months...see how she responds and sounds to you after you haven't spoken for a while. She may be genuinely glad to hear from you...but there are some friendships that aren't meant to last forever. There is a chance she might not be interested anymore.

123SuzyQ123 · ‎03-09-2010

You are not alone. I worked with a lady for over 30 years. We sat side by side at work, shared everything at work and shared our personal lives as well. I would have NEVER thought that we would lose our friendship, but it did happen.

I moved 1500 miles away, but we stayed in touch by phone and emails for the first year. Now it has been over a year since I heard from her. I miss our chats and the sharing of our lives. I miss everything about her, her laugh, her wisdom, her positiveness.

But she still works and I am retired now, so I try not to email her at work because she is a supervisor and very busy, as well as having a very busy personal life. I miss her with all my heart sometimes.

But there are more of us than you would think who lost long friendships over time. Good luck to you, OP. You have received some good advice to move on.

Hoovermom · ‎03-19-2010

I have a friend like that also and it is sad. Our lives were mingled together for years until she had to go back to work a couple of years ago. I tried to keep it going but it was always what she could fit into her schedule coupled with her 9 year old son's activities. Being an empty nester I just need some time away from the interruptions during visits of her son. I know that sounds a little selfish but I have moved from that phase of my life. Anyway, I quit calling and have not seen her in over a year. Just the other day she texted me telling me how much she missed our sweet relationship and wanted to get together for coffee. During this absence my life has taken on new "challenge" and I am out of town an awful lot. Sadly, I did not respond.