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Valued Contributor
Posts: 512
Registered: ‎06-11-2014

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?

After my son graduated from he lived with us till he took a bar prep course took the bar and got a job.

We enjoyed this time much more than he did.

 

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,006
Registered: ‎05-09-2023

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?

My children are in their late 30s and early 40s. They have lives and families of their own. During their 20s and 30s they lived with us on and off. One got her masters when she was 32 and lived with us for a spell. I kept health insurance on my children until they were 26. They know they have a place with us anytime they need it. They know they can call us for help and they will get it. I believe that knowing they had a soft place to land if necessary it more comfortable for them to be out in the world making their own success.

I never could understand parents who pushed their kids out early in an attempt to make them independent. I have a highly successful nurse friend who was told after college, at 22, she needed to leave. Leave she did. Physically and emotionally.  She made it on her own. But she has no warm feelings for her parents and hasn't found it necessary to have her own children be close to them either. I guess every choice has its own set of consequences. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,628
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?

[ Edited ]

 My son has always known that our family home is his soft place to fall. He always came to me with his worries & we talked them through. He still does at times.

 
Every child is different. My son lived home while attending a very prestigious state university. He had a part time job &  interned. He wasn't ready to leave home. He graduated with honors & got a job that paid pretty well, but he wanted more for himself. He wanted to go to law school, but was concerned that living on campus would cost too much. DH & I told him that he could live home for as long as he wanted to. He never asked us for money,but we paid  for his car insurance & cellphone.He was working hard to build his future & we wanted to make it a little easier.

 I'm proud to say that my son graduated in the top of his class & got a great job. In the process he met a great girl who completed our family.

 

 IMO,If children aren't ready to leave home there's nothing wrong with them or you. As parents we need to give our kids the necessary tools to succeed. Sometimes it takes longer.Some children have issues that need to be worked through. That's okay. Sometimes, they leave home & come back. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

 Being a parent is a lifetime commitment. @ninjawife  you sound like a good caring mother.Your daughter is still young. I'm confident everything will fall into place.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,006
Registered: ‎05-09-2023

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?


@ninjawife wrote:

@lgfan wrote:
Twenty-one is still young to be out on your own. I don't see why your daughter should move out when she will probably need roommates to help with her expenses. She should continue with her therapy and finishing her education. That should be her main priority.

@lgfan I guess you didn't read my post where I said she is no where near ready.  She still has to get her license, find a steady job, learn to adult and develop more mature brain functioning.  Older DD has been out on her own since she was 23.  She found a job outside our local area n Washington DC.  Housing is expensive there so she does have a roomate.  Her current roomate is her BFF from high school. 


Try not to compare your oldest to your youngest. They are 2 different people and every child is different. My youngest wasn't a real "adult" until her mid 30s. Some people take longer than others. Your daughter is still very young and pushing her to be something she can't be right now or comparing her to her sister will only make the situation worse. Take her to her appointments so she can get her meds. Maybe help her get set up for online Zoom counseling so she doesn't have to make much of an effort. 

If she is not working I would provide the basics, including a phone and insurance on a car. 

Not gas.

Not cigs.

Not snack money.

Not clothing, unless she needed an interview outfit.

 

I wish you lots of luck. It's hard raising kids, especially girls, imo. Just know your situation is not unusual and is probably only temporary. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,959
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?

I have nothing constructive to add to this conversation since we chose not to have children.  But do applaud those who chose to be parents and do the best they can to raise socially-responsible and productive citizens.  Husband and I never felt we would have the understanding and financial-resources to provide a nurturing environment so vital to raising a well-adjusted child.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,006
Registered: ‎05-09-2023

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?


@lgfan wrote:
Lucky Charm the three dots don't appear on my cell phone.

Scroll to the bottom of the page and see if there is an option that says "Full". Mine is on the right hand side at the very bottom.

If you click on that it should open up your phone to look like and give you the same options as if you were on a laptop or tablet.

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,006
Registered: ‎05-09-2023

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?


@Trinity11 wrote:

Please don't compare your situation to other families. You instinctively know what is best for your daughter. It sounds like you are doing everything right.

 

Both my kids left home on full college scholarships but even summers they worked and never came home to live. After college they both eventually went to law school on free rides. Highly successful in their careers, I rarely if ever see them. They have their own lives and time is precious. Between their trips all over the world and business travel mom and dad are fit into schedules with little time to see us.

 

So for all those parents with kids that set the world on fire, there is a downside not often spoken of. Most won't share that aspect ....🥺 

 

@ninjawife , your daughter sounds like she is really trying and I congratulate you on that! You clearly have her back. She will succeed!


They'll be back. They can only be in GO mode for so long, even if they're in highly competitive professions. Eventually, we all slow down a bit and reprioritize.  Hang in there, mama!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,918
Registered: ‎10-19-2012

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?

Thank you Lakelife62.  Your suggestion worked.Smiley Happy

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,006
Registered: ‎05-09-2023

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?


@lgfan wrote:

Thank you Lakelife62.  Your suggestion worked.Smiley Happy


Yayyyyy!!!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,207
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Did you have or Do you have now adult children living at home and Why?


@Lakelife62 wrote:

My children are in their late 30s and early 40s. They have lives and families of their own. During their 20s and 30s they lived with us on and off. One got her masters when she was 32 and lived with us for a spell. I kept health insurance on my children until they were 26. They know they have a place with us anytime they need it. They know they can call us for help and they will get it. I believe that knowing they had a soft place to land if necessary it more comfortable for them to be out in the world making their own success.

I never could understand parents who pushed their kids out early in an attempt to make them independent. I have a highly successful nurse friend who was told after college, at 22, she needed to leave. Leave she did. Physically and emotionally.  She made it on her own. But she has no warm feelings for her parents and hasn't found it necessary to have her own children be close to them either. I guess every choice has its own set of consequences. 


Once the law was changed I'm sure a lot of parents did and are still doing the same.