Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,615
Registered: ‎05-08-2010

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

@Moonchilde wrote:

@tends2dogs, NO, it is not the same person as the OP. By sad coincidence there are two different posters going through very similar circumstances at the same time. Both have a thread, both with similar titles.

Thanks for clearing that up, @Moonchilde.  Both have similar sad circumstances.

"Greater is the One living inside of me, than he who is living in the world."
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,081
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

@Firestripes wrote:


The one question our family is how can you go from talking, eating before and one day later to not talking, eating and not even recognizing family members. We are baffled. 

I sent her to get help and now she home fading away. 


My mom has moderate brain shrinking. I am not offered a  out patient hospice which would be great. My mom screams if I hold her hand.  I can't stand to see her this way. I do not have help. I can't stop crying, I'm not hungry and feel lonely. My mom was like my baby that I watched and took care of for many years. I have siblings that haven't talked to her in years. I don't know how to go on without her.  I have a husband and two children. I don't have the relationship with my daughter that I have with my mother. 


My sons birthday is Sunday and haven't even planned anything. He wanted grandma 

to participate. 


When I had my mom living with me the last 5 months she would cry of pain and be depressed because she couldn't walk. I tried  to keep her busy but she said she was discusted with herself and would cry. 


I don't think I can live in our house after she goes. I'm dealing with cleaning out her house and having it rented. I know everyone dies, I'm still sad over my dads death 16 years ago. I am the baby of the family. I don't know how to cope. My mom would guilt me and be sad if I didn't talk to her 10 times a day or not see her on weekends. I feel quilt never wanted her to be lonely.


@Firestripes, It would had upset me if my mom had made me feel quilty if i did not talk to her 10 times a day,that is controling you.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

@nun ya wrote:

@KathyPet wrote:


I do not understand what you mean by "not being offered outpatient hospice".  CAn you not get your mother into the local (if there is one) INPATIENT hospice facility?

I don't understand this either The hospice nurse who came to my Mom's house daily recommended she go to the inpatient facility. She made a few phone calls for approval and an ambulance was there within an hr.



YEs that is what should be happening.  A dear friend and neighbor of mine had a husband with heart failure who was on hospice care at home.. They had no family really close by so no one to really help.  SHe called me one day just hysterical saying she just could not cope with caring for him 24/7.  I went right over there and when I saw the shape he was in and the shape she was in I insisted that she pick up the phone and call the local inpatient hospice facility.  SHe didn't want to because she felt guilty that she could not care for him at home any longer.   I told her she was not going to do him any good in her current physical and emotional condition.  SHe called HOspice.  THey had a open bed and came and got him 2 hours later.  He died 5 days later with his 3 sons and my friend at his side.  SHe told me that moving him to the hospice facility saved her sanity.  The Hospice Medical Director told her she had done the right thing and that he needed inpatient hospice care.  I am completely failing to understand why the two,posters who have dying mothers are trying to take care of them at home.  As someone else said home hospice care is not always feasible or the best choice for everyone.  Both these posters seem emotionally and physically drained.  THey need to explore other alternatives so their mothers can die in peace and without pain and suffering.

Super Contributor
Posts: 415
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice


'The only option for where I'm at is hospice at home. You only get 5 day inpatient care then it's out of pocket. 


The doctor came came today told me she's likely to die today or tomorrow. Tonight's the nurse is coming with a strong pain patch. My mom has some heavy breathing so hard to watch. I'm overly emotional. 


Yes, my mom called me several times a day if I didnt pick up the phone she though something bad happened to me or the kids. Maybe it was the dementia. My mom worried about evertyhing. I'll miss her love.



Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

Let them give her as much pain medication as is needed to keep her comfortable.  As others have said that is the most important thing right now.  She does not need to eat or drink.  Her organs are shutting down. If the pain medication puts her in a coma like condition then it is what it is.  better that then having her in pain.  You need to accept that the end is near.  I have found that most doctors who deal with dying people have a very good ability to determine how long someone will continue on.  YOu did all you could for her and now need to let her go.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,279
Registered: ‎05-15-2010

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

This is a horrible time for you and I am sorry.   Your DM's doctor should order hospice for her.  That is how it was handled for my DH.    Hospice predicted my DH would die in about three months, and that is exactly what happened.


Whatever is going on during this precious, chaotic time, remember to say Good Bye to your mother.  I still regret that I was not able to do that with my little sister.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,029
Registered: ‎06-16-2015

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

Having been through the heartbreak of losing one's parents, all I can say is I empathize with what you're going through. I came to the conclusion that the inevitable "circle of life" is not as spiritual and mystical as we are given to believe in all the lore. We all go through it on one end or the other, but it is NOT pleasant. Take care.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 694
Registered: ‎09-09-2010

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

For cutty, I do pray by now that your Mom's hospice nurse has reviewed all her meds, & has pain & anxiety meds available for her. Every hospice team has a social worker & a chaplain available for your Mom, you, & your family. They are invaluable members of her care team for all of you. Please call them whenever you feel you need some support. 

I do hope her pain is resolved as well as possibly any anxiety she may have. Terminal anxiety is a real problem when patients are near the end, & the med for it should give her the peace she deserves during this time of her life. A patient's daughter once told me that calling in hospice was the HARDEST thing she ever did & afterwards, it was the BEST thing she ever did..I will be thinking of you & the other poster, who is dealing with caring for her Mother.







Valued Contributor
Posts: 702
Registered: ‎08-28-2013

Re: Devastated decline in my mom / hospice

Cutty & Firestripes my heart goes out to you both,i can only imagine how painful this must be and am so sorry you are going thru this....Bless you and your moms and may they be out of pain asap..Take good care.